Father making me drink
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Toronto, Canada,
Posts: 1,242
Father making me drink
I was in a good mood today, planning to go to the gym. But my father was such as a**. He was ranting and raving about how I don't have a job, and how I am 40 and not married, etc. I felt so bad, I mean since we moved to the big city he thought we would be better off, but that ain't so. I feel so bad about my life, not having anyone and such. Our relatives make fun of me and him and he told off his sister and cousin. He wants to tell off his brother as well when he calls. None of them like me, nor him, my dad says so, and I think it is true. The way my aunt talks about my cousins is awful, just cause they aren't married. Nor am I married.
Its difficult to meet ppl to date in a new city. I tried dating women at work, but it blew up in my face and I got fired. Bla. Well I felt really bad and couldn't look for another job. I was feeling good this week, but then he started with his attacks. I feel so bad right now. Attacking me ain't going to make me better. He wanted to move to the city, not me. So I don't know what he is so mad at. He thinks I can just meet a woman at Walmart and everything would me grand. Like really?
Its difficult to meet ppl to date in a new city. I tried dating women at work, but it blew up in my face and I got fired. Bla. Well I felt really bad and couldn't look for another job. I was feeling good this week, but then he started with his attacks. I feel so bad right now. Attacking me ain't going to make me better. He wanted to move to the city, not me. So I don't know what he is so mad at. He thinks I can just meet a woman at Walmart and everything would me grand. Like really?
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
whopper,
he's not forcing the stuff past your lips, is he?
right.
most of us understand about upsets that get you in a place where you pick up the bottle, lift it up and gulp.
but that's YOU doing it. so the issues are a bit mode wide-ranging than what your dad is doing or saying.
about what you're doing. or not.
i like your signature line.
can you see how to apply it in this situation?
he's not forcing the stuff past your lips, is he?
right.
most of us understand about upsets that get you in a place where you pick up the bottle, lift it up and gulp.
but that's YOU doing it. so the issues are a bit mode wide-ranging than what your dad is doing or saying.
about what you're doing. or not.
i like your signature line.
can you see how to apply it in this situation?
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Sounds like you need to take some much needed space away from your father....is that possible? You are in charge of your feelings, not your Father. You are in charge of making the decision to drink or not drink.
A relationship or a house or a car or a job .......or an anything....won't make life better. Not drinking and living a life of recovery will help you think and act and live a better life. Glad you are here!!
A relationship or a house or a car or a job .......or an anything....won't make life better. Not drinking and living a life of recovery will help you think and act and live a better life. Glad you are here!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Hi Whopper,
Sorry to hear about your family situation. Sounds like you'd be much better off getting your own place than dealing with that toxic relationship(s) every day.
But making you drink? That's giving someone else control of you. Don't you want to be in control of yourself?
Just as the perfect girl isn't going to pop out of nowhere, neither will your sobriety. Both require effort on your part.
Sorry to hear about your family situation. Sounds like you'd be much better off getting your own place than dealing with that toxic relationship(s) every day.
But making you drink? That's giving someone else control of you. Don't you want to be in control of yourself?
Just as the perfect girl isn't going to pop out of nowhere, neither will your sobriety. Both require effort on your part.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Unless he's forcing it down your throat, he's not "making" you drink. You are using him as an excuse to drink. Stop blaming others for your own behavior and start looking for work and another place to live.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
What people here are getting at is it's not your Dad making you drink, but your inability to cope with your dad.
my dad was a lot like that too. I learned to counter every critical thing he said about me with a positive thought about myself, two even...
Good luck with the job hunt - once you get one, maybe you can move out?
D
my dad was a lot like that too. I learned to counter every critical thing he said about me with a positive thought about myself, two even...
Good luck with the job hunt - once you get one, maybe you can move out?
D
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Yeah, no one can make you do something you don't want to do. It sounds like you need to detach from your father until you get some sober time, at least. I hope the job search goes well.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
At 40 years old, your father shouldn't be having so much control over your life...pressuring you to drink, insisting you date and/or get married.
It would probably be nice if he influenced you in a positive way...but what you're describing isn't POSITIVE, and I am sorry you have to go this BUT:
You need to reach a point in which you realize that you have more POWER over your situation than you think you do...unleash that power and channel it in a positive direction which will include not putting poison in your body. And yes, alcohol is a poison because if drink enough of it it will kill you.
It would probably be nice if he influenced you in a positive way...but what you're describing isn't POSITIVE, and I am sorry you have to go this BUT:
You need to reach a point in which you realize that you have more POWER over your situation than you think you do...unleash that power and channel it in a positive direction which will include not putting poison in your body. And yes, alcohol is a poison because if drink enough of it it will kill you.
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Why not reach out to others who will understand you and make some genuine friendships by going to some AA meetings. I learned a lot through the AA program of recovery that helped me deal with life on life's terms - in particular people. Family especially at times. And I keep learning all the time. The advice admittedly isnt always what I want to hear, but I generally find that if someone suggests something to me that makes me tetchy, chances are they've located the boil, and following their suggestion is the way to lance it and get it cleaned up.
Loneliness as nd isolation is never good for us. It also sounds like you've got a pretty low self-esteem going on there (chances are, most times an alcoholic whose angling for an excuse, yes, an excuse to drink, when they say so and so hates me, everyone despises us, etc those said people are just getting on with their own lives with no option on them at all to speak of.) You may have got that from your dad. Maybe not. But only yiu can decide whether to stay how yiu are, or move things forward a bit by engaging with your recovery by adopting the willingness to try things that you haven't tried before. Even if you don't think it'll work. You have nothing to lose. At least getting to meetings will get you away from your dad and the rest of the family for a bit, eh.
Alcoholics Anonymous (A. A.) Meetings in Ontario, California
Loneliness as nd isolation is never good for us. It also sounds like you've got a pretty low self-esteem going on there (chances are, most times an alcoholic whose angling for an excuse, yes, an excuse to drink, when they say so and so hates me, everyone despises us, etc those said people are just getting on with their own lives with no option on them at all to speak of.) You may have got that from your dad. Maybe not. But only yiu can decide whether to stay how yiu are, or move things forward a bit by engaging with your recovery by adopting the willingness to try things that you haven't tried before. Even if you don't think it'll work. You have nothing to lose. At least getting to meetings will get you away from your dad and the rest of the family for a bit, eh.
Alcoholics Anonymous (A. A.) Meetings in Ontario, California
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Thanks for your replies everyone 
. Life is hard enough already. I don't need to hear him put me down like the way he was. I know that I don't have a job, and the jobs that I had since moving weren't good, I was let go from 2 of them. I hated moving to the city at first but I am okay with it now. But since my dad feels that his sister and brother don't like us, he wants to move back to the small town where we lived most of our lives. I think it would be a mistake to move back there, I mean there are like hardly any jobs and I have adjusted to life in the city. I haven't been looking for a job, was depressed, but I plan on looking this weekend. I can't really afford to move out on my own, it is quite expensive to live here, I think I will find a job to occupy my time for now.
But I mean try living with someone that complains all the time (father). If its not the lawn, its the stock market, or the relatives, the bills, me, life, how he is going to die soon, the raccoon that was living in our roof, and how the animal control person ripped him off, bla, bla, bla.
. Life is hard enough already. I don't need to hear him put me down like the way he was. I know that I don't have a job, and the jobs that I had since moving weren't good, I was let go from 2 of them. I hated moving to the city at first but I am okay with it now. But since my dad feels that his sister and brother don't like us, he wants to move back to the small town where we lived most of our lives. I think it would be a mistake to move back there, I mean there are like hardly any jobs and I have adjusted to life in the city. I haven't been looking for a job, was depressed, but I plan on looking this weekend. I can't really afford to move out on my own, it is quite expensive to live here, I think I will find a job to occupy my time for now.But I mean try living with someone that complains all the time (father). If its not the lawn, its the stock market, or the relatives, the bills, me, life, how he is going to die soon, the raccoon that was living in our roof, and how the animal control person ripped him off, bla, bla, bla.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
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Originally Posted by whopper 
Thanks for your replies everyone . Life is hard enough already. I don't need to hear him put me down like the way he was. I know that I don't have a job, and the jobs that I had since moving weren't good, I was let go from 2 of them. I hated moving to the city at first but I am okay with it now. But since my dad feels that his sister and brother don't like us, he wants to move back to the small town where we lived most of our lives. I think it would be a mistake to move back there, I mean there are like hardly any jobs and I have adjusted to life in the city. I haven't been looking for a job, was depressed, but I plan on looking this weekend. I can't really afford to move out on my own, it is quite expensive to live here, I think I will find a job to occupy my time for now.
But I mean try living with someone that complains all the time (father). If its not the lawn, its the stock market, or the relatives, the bills, me, life, how he is going to die soon, the raccoon that was living in our roof, and how the animal control person ripped him off, bla, bla, bla.
. Life is hard enough already. I don't need to hear him put me down like the way he was. I know that I don't have a job, and the jobs that I had since moving weren't good, I was let go from 2 of them. I hated moving to the city at first but I am okay with it now. But since my dad feels that his sister and brother don't like us, he wants to move back to the small town where we lived most of our lives. I think it would be a mistake to move back there, I mean there are like hardly any jobs and I have adjusted to life in the city. I haven't been looking for a job, was depressed, but I plan on looking this weekend. I can't really afford to move out on my own, it is quite expensive to live here, I think I will find a job to occupy my time for now.But I mean try living with someone that complains all the time (father). If its not the lawn, its the stock market, or the relatives, the bills, me, life, how he is going to die soon, the raccoon that was living in our roof, and how the animal control person ripped him off, bla, bla, bla.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
why don't get your own place instead of your current set up?
you're 40, plenty old enough to be out on your own??? i think getting a job should come before the gym or trying to date at this point.....oh and of course staying sober.
you're 40, plenty old enough to be out on your own??? i think getting a job should come before the gym or trying to date at this point.....oh and of course staying sober.
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Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 114
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
I think some measure of gratitude to the man who is letting you live in his house while you struggle to get and remain sober is in order.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,423
Originally Posted by whopper
Thanks for your replies everyone . Life is hard enough already. I don't need to hear him put me down like the way he was. I know that I don't have a job, and the jobs that I had since moving weren't good, I was let go from 2 of them. I hated moving to the city at first but I am okay with it now. But since my dad feels that his sister and brother don't like us, he wants to move back to the small town where we lived most of our lives. I think it would be a mistake to move back there, I mean there are like hardly any jobs and I have adjusted to life in the city. I haven't been looking for a job, was depressed, but I plan on looking this weekend. I can't really afford to move out on my own, it is quite expensive to live here, I think I will find a job to occupy my time for now.
But I mean try living with someone that complains all the time (father). If its not the lawn, its the stock market, or the relatives, the bills, me, life, how he is going to die soon, the raccoon that was living in our roof, and how the animal control person ripped him off, bla, bla, bla.
. Life is hard enough already. I don't need to hear him put me down like the way he was. I know that I don't have a job, and the jobs that I had since moving weren't good, I was let go from 2 of them. I hated moving to the city at first but I am okay with it now. But since my dad feels that his sister and brother don't like us, he wants to move back to the small town where we lived most of our lives. I think it would be a mistake to move back there, I mean there are like hardly any jobs and I have adjusted to life in the city. I haven't been looking for a job, was depressed, but I plan on looking this weekend. I can't really afford to move out on my own, it is quite expensive to live here, I think I will find a job to occupy my time for now.But I mean try living with someone that complains all the time (father). If its not the lawn, its the stock market, or the relatives, the bills, me, life, how he is going to die soon, the raccoon that was living in our roof, and how the animal control person ripped him off, bla, bla, bla.
Let your Dad do what he wants, and you take care of you and your sobriety.
I think I would find living with my mother and staying sober quite a challenge.
What do you want to do?
Here is a link to get started:
http://www.livefreenow.ca/livefree-a...s-are-growing/
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
I agree with what everyone else is saying about choice.
But I do want to add some empathy on a couple of things - I have lived with my parents, though I do not now; it was difficult for a lot of reasons, though they have been consistently and repeatedly generous that I could, along with many other things. Our situation, emotionally and in tons of ways, is complicated like yours sounds like.
I, too, am almost 40 and not married. That can be tough- last weekend I was at the country club and felt surrounded and overwhelmed by the happy-married-people-with-babies-and-cute husbands. Ugh. Threw me a little - but that is NOT my life right now. That's ok.
You do have some tough choices to make. But you can. Like someone said, one foot in front of the other. I have what I call a "decision tree matrix" of stuff to deal with and it is one chunk at a time: debt - past due medical bills- need a new job (more money) - moving when lease is up - more....
You have to figure it out for yourself, reach out for help, and vent as needed but start the process of a new life.
But I do want to add some empathy on a couple of things - I have lived with my parents, though I do not now; it was difficult for a lot of reasons, though they have been consistently and repeatedly generous that I could, along with many other things. Our situation, emotionally and in tons of ways, is complicated like yours sounds like.
I, too, am almost 40 and not married. That can be tough- last weekend I was at the country club and felt surrounded and overwhelmed by the happy-married-people-with-babies-and-cute husbands. Ugh. Threw me a little - but that is NOT my life right now. That's ok.
You do have some tough choices to make. But you can. Like someone said, one foot in front of the other. I have what I call a "decision tree matrix" of stuff to deal with and it is one chunk at a time: debt - past due medical bills- need a new job (more money) - moving when lease is up - more....
You have to figure it out for yourself, reach out for help, and vent as needed but start the process of a new life.
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