Acheleus

I was talking to a friend in a recovery program the other day and I told him, without really thinking about what I was saying, that alcohol affects everything: your perception, your thoughts, your impressions, your judgment, etc.

When I got off the phone I was thinking about what I said and I really tried to focus on what I was trying to articulate.

I guess I am reaching out to others to see how you have learned to change your perceptions about yourself and the world in sobriety. It seems that I was very negative and self-pitying while drinking and in early recovery.

Now that I am in early recovery still, but the longest I have ever been sober, I seem to have a somewhat clearer picture of how my behavior between the ages of 15-28 was ruled by alcohol.

It makes me wonder sometimes if I was really making decisions and living because how could I have had any agency at all if I was always thinking about getting drunk or drinking?

Does alcohol just blunt our perception or does it do something more sinister? Does it render us unable to truly see ourselves and how we interact with other people and social institutions? Could that be one reason why it is so difficult to get sober? Some members compare the world going from gray to color as it does in the Wizard of Oz film.

I guess today I was just being down on myself for being negative and ungrateful instead of content with my circumstances.

If anyone has any advice about this I would really like to hear what others have experienced. Thank you.

teatreeoil007

I perceive that you wrote a very good post.... and you are in a much better place right now.

YES, being sober affects how you see things....definitely ...affects our lives in a multitude of .ways too. We feel better. We sleep better. We function better....and all those things affect how we see things.

Sometimes we need a little help in getting our perceptions right. It better to correct someone else's perception in a kind and gentle way, knowing that if you do correct them they still might not be seeing things clearly.

When it comes to perception, actions or lack thereof speak louder than words...but even with that, I try to give other the benefit of the doubt...I've really been working on that and I think I've progressed.

I've always been very intuitive and that can be a blessing or a curse.

D122y

Alcohol creates a fantasy world. It slowly changes us from the center of our brains to fingertips.

Now clean nearly 14 months, the world is much better place.

I have become a bit of a hypochondriac though. I feel every pain, mental and physical.

It is worth it though. Life through sober eyes is so different. The brain damage, 13 years plus of hard boozing, is deep.

Proud to be a sober man.

FreeOwl

yes.

I have witnessed it in myself and I see it more and more in others.

I see my own previous delusions and misconceptions in the words and actions of others who are drinkers.

I see my own previous values and they stand starkly in contrast against a lot of what I now value as a sober man over two years down the sober path.

I see how clouded my perspective was. Even when I hadn't been drinking.... it was the DRINKING MIND still in charge. Even when I wasn't high or on drugs - still my whole worldview was colored by addiction.

That's very consistent and I think you're right on target.

airyfairy123

I'm very early into my recovery program, but I do see where you're coming from. I too have wondered the same. I think when I was in a really really deep depression having lost custody of my son, my home, living in a hostel and the world being the deepest darkest place - I lost perception of reality.

YES these things were brought about by alcohol, but what I failed to see until very recently is that only I have the power to change all that. When I'm sober I'm a good person and I have a lot to give to the world - why should I allow self-induced poisoning through years of self pity stand in the way of finding happiness again and getting back what I REALLY want. My son.

So I think this will be a journey, a long and winding one where I'll constantly be challenging my perception of reality both past and present - but in the end my perception of the future is that it HAS to be brighter than the past.

August252015

Exactly.

Caramel

" Some members compare the world going from gray to color as it does in the Wizard of Oz film. " resonates with me.

graciepearl

I was just thinking about these topics. I realized I married the alcohol and not my ex. I married the lifestyle he offered of travel and eating out and drinking that wasn't even me but the beast made me think it was. 20 years of being someone I wasn't . I am loving discovering who I am again. Thanks for your post!!

IvanMike

Not only do alcohol and other drugs alter our perceptions, the disease of addiction does a number on them as well.

Take away the drugs and I have found that I see the world and myself through distorted lenses.

A huge part of recovery is about getting a more accurate perspective on things.

NA literature mentions that "the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel." - It's been my experience that the other addicts in recovery that I associate with can help me recognize when my perspective is off, and help me see the truth.

thomas11

I would say you are on the right track. Personally, more often than not my mind was ok while drinking (with some exceptions of course). It was the physical toll that sealed the deal.

entropy1964

I believe my thinking has always been somewhat distorted. I believe from both nature and nurture. Growing up in an alcoholic, codependent, enabling, neglectful, sometimes abusive family I never learned proper coping skills. I was insecure, anxious, I felt I wasn't a part of. At first alcohol relieved these things. Nothing changed, I just didn't care. Once the truly alcohilic dringing started, enter guilt, shame and self pity. Oh and anger. These distorted unhealthy thought patterns, coupled with existing lack of emotional intelligence and self esteem, put my distorted thinking on steroids. Not to mention the brain damage alcohol does.

So take away alcohol, and my thinking is still distorted. That's where the recovery part comes in.

Venecia

I think there's a good reason that "impaired" is a synonym for "drunk" -- and one that may more accurately encompass the impact alcohol has on our brains. Our thinking is dulled, delayed, exaggerated, blurred. The impact on our perceptions is negatively impacted, for sure.

LadyBlue0527

This!

and

Last Friday a friend posted a picture of two lounge chairs on the beach with a container of alcohol in each drink holder. Her comment was "therapy begins". A few months ago I would have pined to be in one of those chairs. Today I see the same and what immediately comes to mind is the word prison.

GnikNus

Alcohol puts a grey veil on your spirits and skews your perception, for sure. Like a previous poster said, it's not just when were are actually drinking or drunk- it's all the time if we're in active alcoholism.

My outlook on life and my comfort level as a human being have greatly improved. Alcohol is terrible on the soul, not just the body. It's almost like another life I have, the contrast is so stark.

Berrybean

100% yes.

Some people have even described alcoholism as a disease of the perception. My perspective was shot. My whole adult ife. Even when I first got sober and went to meetings and just sat there, that gave me some hope, but I still, wasn't doing what I needed to address my own faulty view of the world. Thankfully I eventually got the special line of desperate that made me become willing to do some stuff that I didn't want to do. Ie. Ask someone to be my sponsor, and start working on those steps. As I worked through them it was like that big old lock being turned in some kids film - maybe The Goonies. As I worked through those steps my perception of the world, relationships,and my place in them shifted. And my life changed before my eyes. In reality NOTHING changed. But the way I saw things made it a completely different experience. I suppose this is why making major changes early in recovery can be counter productive. There would be a lot of babies chucked out with the bathwater! Although saying that, I did move house, but the wheels were already in motion on that one, and my job and partner and general location haven't changed, and they were all things I'd have sworn blind 'made me drink' lol.

My new perspective is the true gift that sobriety and recovery has given me. When I went to AA i thiught it was just to help me stay sober. Whether I was even capable at that stage of understanding the promise of recovery, I wouldn't like to say.

My old cynical, self-loathing, self-pitying, angry, resentful, and downright fearful self still peeks out though from time to time. Generally if I'm not working my recovery plan thoroughly, or if two or more of those HALT triggers are at play. Difference is, now I know what I can try to get myself back on track, and I realise when I get to feeling like that, that the problem is quite likely to be me, and don't fly off the handle and make things even worse. I have the tools to work through those feelings.

I am so, so grateful for my altered perspective.

PS There's is a recovery speaker recording of Clancy I, entitled 'Disease of perception ' on youtube which is definitely worth a listen.

teatreeoil007

Good Thread, Ach-thx for starting it!

Now, I had a thought and it goes something like this: How YOU perceive is important; maybe more important than how you are perceived by other humans. Why? Because how you perceive things tells you SO MUCH about how you are really doing in your daily WALK. The most important thing is that you yourself are lining up right with your true purpose and what you should be doing with yourself. How you perceive yourself affects your attitude, AND your interactions with OTHERS. Therefore....how you perceive yourself impacts how others perceive YOU.

And it's important how we perceive the world around us. If everything is looking sort of gray and continues to look gray it could be a sign of depression.

Acheleus

I was looking up symptoms of burnout today and I think I have just taken on too much. Tonight I walked and I think this weekend I am going to quit cigarettes and sugary drinks.

I really have a hard time looking back and wondering what I must have been thinking when I got sober. Why did I date someone? Why did I not get out of a crazy situation sooner? At one year sober I can kind of tell that my problem with alcohol was/is incredibly serious.

An old friend used to say, "think about your poor brain." I mean falling down in mud. Falling on stairs. I read my old posts and I have to forgive myself because it has been difficult to gain some perspective.

So I think my mind must be healing but I can look back and see I should have slowed down. I think I am out of gas and my dad wants me to visit him but I just feel too tired to do anything.

So yeah I am trying to forgive myself. I thought I would be proud of having one year sober but I need to keep improving. I quit smoking fir 50 days then started back but I don't even know why.

So my plan is to kick cigs once and for all this weekend and get my diet under control. I miss my abusive ex and I think it is just like alcohol. She made me feel so bad about myself by just berating me. She criticized me while she was doing coke and drinking....WHAT was I thinking? I must have just been weaker than I am now. I don't know.

My mind is clearing and I can see so many things I need to improve. So I guess I can see changes retrospectively but in the middle of it I couldn't really see anything.

I think I need to be proud of myself that I am a year sober and I didn't return to drinking. I didn't return to blacking out, falling down stairs, and peeing myself.

Even though it took longer than I expected I am a year sober. One year and I am not going back to active alcoholism. I'm also proud thar I finally got out of an unhealthy relationship with a person who did not respect me. Now I am beginning to respect myself.

I feel like I have grown up a lot but I still have a ways to go. I'm not going to bars and I am going to forgive myself for making mistakes.

But what in the world I was thinking I have no idea. Alcohol must have seriously damaged my perception. I hope I will learn to see things with more clarity.

I just want to feel strong again. But maybe I never was strong when I was drinking. Maybe I need to quit worrying and relax but I need to learn how to calm down.

Perception. Alcohol prevented me from seeing so many things.

HeadingtoChange

I was reading about this the other day, how our perception is our world. It always confused me how some people could live with, what seemed to me, suffering and be seemingly happy about it or live with less-than and full of joy. I always thought they were just lying to themselves and rest of world. Thinking about it self dialogue dictates our perception of events and our world. If we have an internal dialogue that we are good enough and capable, which we will have been nourished as a child, then we can handle anything and life never gets too dark. If our internal dialogue says we are worthless and vulnerable to anything then we are going to struggle at the very least.

People who knew me would say they would love to live my life but all I could see was sh*t, it didn't matter if I was on or off alcohol. I had 17 years of feeling this was before I ever took a drink.

So....can't change perception for long if inner dialogue out of synch. It would be like asking one if the happy people to make themselves depressed for a year, it's impossible. Got to change the inner dialogue.

oh and fake it till you make it only works whilst other people are involved, if my internal dialogue is the same how do I fake it when I am alone? I love that saying it's so funny