misskittyc4321

I'm new to the forums. My 30-something husband of only 5 years just died in late May. We have 2 small children (pre-K and 6 months). He was a successful IT guy, making 6 figures. We owned a nice home, drove new cars. Had a great life. But he became completely intolerant to pain or stress. Toxicology is pending so I'm not sure of COD, but I found his body... I believe he aspirated into his lungs (secondary to being passed out). For 16 glorious months in our marriage, he was sober. It was like having the guy I married back again. Then he relapsed. Slowly. Just a beer after work. It went ok, so he tried some wine. That went ok too. Or so he thought. 5 months later he's found dead, and now all these details are coming out and I realize just how much he was into (a bottle a day plus tons of pills, and some other recreational drugs). I was numb. Then I cried. Then I got angry. And now? Right at the 4 week mark and I feel kind of Relieved. Then super guilty of that feeling. I know that not knowing/remembering their dad will be hard on the kids. And I know that starting over will be hard on me. But I don't have to walk on egg shells anymore! I don't have to make excuses for why daddy is taking a 4 hour "nap" all day on Saturday instead of playing with the kids. My kids will grow up in an anxiety free home without alcohol in it, and next time I need major surgery I will actually get to take my own pain pills!

Adrian80

I'm so sorry for your lost. You and your kids will make it through. It won't be easy but you will make it.

CentralOhioDad

I'm sorry for your loss, but understand your sense of relief. You will be okay, and your children will be okay.

Peace to you.

C-Oh Dad

firebolt

Completely understand your feelings of relief.

The ending of addiction can be so tragic Love and peace to you and your family.

maia1234

Kitty,
I am so sorry for your loss!! This horrible disease takes a lot of good ones!!

My axh also took 10 of my pain meds when I had surgery. I didn't want them but he figured that I would "need" them. I never took one, he walked away with the pills. Its very sad!!

Sending hugs my friend, he is truly at peace.

LexieCat

Sending hugs.

chicory

I'm so so sorry.

TimeForMe

I am so sorry for your pain and loss.

atalose

I am so sorry for your loss but understand all of those emotions. Please know that all of those things are normal to feel and we understand them where others may not. I hope you keep posting when you need to, vent away!!!

Thomas45

I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm not making light of the situation, but it would have been much harder on your children's lives growing up with an addicted father.

BettyRubble99

MissKitty, so sorry for what you are facing now. I'm sure all of your thoughts and emotions are entirely normal. There is no good/bad, you just feel. Healing prayers for you.

Readreadread

I am sorry that addiction took the life of your husband. It is a tragedy. Your feelings are totally understandable. Take time to grieve and try to take good care of yourself for your kids....

Eauchiche

Dear Misskitty
I am glad you are here, but so sorry for what brings you here.
I don't mean to offer advice, but this is a golden opportunity for you to be alone with your kids and heal.
The temptation right now would be to meet somebody else and start the cycle all over again. We deliberately choose who we are with. In our cases, our "pickers" were broken, which drove us to addicts.
Please keep coming back. Praying for you today!!!

hopeful4

I am so very sorry for your loss, and for all you have went through.

misskittyc4321

I'm extremely self-aware. I know why I chose him. He was hot and interested in me and I had a ticking biological clock. I confused love with lust. I overlooked many character flaws to accomplish my goals - husband, house, kids. I wrongfully assumed he'd naturally evolve into the ideal 'family man'. All the young widow groups talk of mourning the loss of their "best friend, soul mate and partner". He was never any of those things. I had an innate need to nurture and was drawn to "wounded birds". He wasn't the first "wounded bird" I had dated. After our first child was born, I immediately knew I'd misplaced the desire to mother onto my husband. I stopped mothering him. He grew resentful that he had to take on more responsibility for himself so he drank more. We separated 2 years ago and almost divorced. I went through a lot of counseling back then. I feel like I'm farther down the road to recovery than most widows because in a sense, I lost this man long before he died. Having said that, I'm not tempted to find a new relationship. I know what I am searching for when I'm ready but these years with an addict/alcoholic have robbed me of my 'self', so I need to reclaim that woman first.

firebolt

You sound like you are in a really good place in a bad situation, and yes - extremely self aware!


You seem well on your way, mama. Best to you!

Lilro

(((( hug )))).

NYCDoglvr

My heart goes out to you in this time of upheaval. Whatever your feelings are, try to accept them. A big hug!

Liveitwell

Just sending hugs. You do sound very self aware and able to handle this unfortunate life event. Just thinking of you and your kids-I know it's hard but growing up with an addict father is NOT a good childhood.

Peace to you,

2ndhandrose