vulturine

I basically got blackout drunk and rode on the subway home from the bar. I didn't make it though. I ended up jumping onto the train tracks and someone called the police. Why would I have done that? I remember bits and pieces of what happened, but I don't know why I would do such a thing.

Anyone else do something really stupid and dangerous while intoxicated? I feel like such an idiot.

I think my tolerance is a lot lower because I don't drink every day anymore. I've been going to my meetings every week, but the only advice they could give was not drinking as much, which I've been doing, but I'm getting way too messed up every weekend. I wish the only place I have to socialize wasn't at bars. Anyway, I'm limiting myself to 3 or 4 beers next time I go out, then I'm done. I'm so sick of waking up and not being able to remember what I did.

soberclover

The challenge is that sometimes the "stupid" things can end up killing a person. My stupid things while drunk included totalling a car and multiple visits to the ER.

Your tolerance could be lower because you are drinking less. Or your liver is becoming so compromised that it isn't processing alcohol like it used to be. Blacking out isn't normal. It happens because that part of our brain/our memory area, has become damaged. The damage keeps happening and it doesn't repair itself even when you stop drinking.

I'm glad you are going to meetings but may be branch out and check out other types of meetings/support too? I'm worried about your safety.

MissNewLife

The advice people gave u at meetings was to "not drink as much"???

Huh????

What meetings were those?

Also yes - I have done extremely humiliating and horrifying things while drinking. I can completely relate.

D122y

I prefer abstinence. If i open the door to booze, moderation, i always end up over doing it.

Booze causes brain damage. It takes years for it to manifest into something severe enough to really notice though...imo.

The only valid use of booze is for medicinal detox or to kill bacteria in the gut.

Otherwise, live sober. Who needs their brain altered by booze anyway.

It is highly addictive btw. Hence the desire to drink after being clean for a short time.

theTHINman

Oh, I've done many, many stupid and dangerous things while intoxicated. The memories of some of them still give me a pang of anxiety to this day, even though they happened like 10 years ago. I know you'll eventually hear this, so here goes: Just stop drinking completely. If that thought scares you (and I'm sure it does), just think how frightening any subsequent run-ins with train tracks and the police are going to be. I'd rather have a great fear that I can control than one I can't. You can do this!

airyfairy123

Sorry you had to go through that. I empathise - my stupid things were also totalling a car, drink driving, ending up in A&E for more times than I can remember what for, overdosing and drinking bleach. Yeah..... we can safely say sobriety is the only path for me now.

I agree with MissNewLife, what meetings were those? I know AA philosophy is to not take the first drink. If you are drinking most days are are becoming really affected by it perhaps there is a drug you can take to ease withdrawal and promote sobriety.

Ultimately, only you can make the choice but if alcohol is making you put yourself in life threatening situations - maybe the choice has already been made.

Take care!

Opivotal

Not sure what meetings you're going to vulturine, but I could never limit myself to a few drinks.

Blackouts are a sure sign it's time to stop drinking all together. Believe me when I tell you, things can and do get worse.

I never knew when or what drink would lead to a blackout. Very scary stuff.

Today, I'm in control of my life. Please consult a Doctor and put a detox plan in place. You'll never regret it. We're here to support you on your journey!

doggonecarl

This may be a bold assumption, but if you could only drink 3 beers, you would. But you can't. That's why you came to Sober Recovery.

chickippo

i'd like to think that ending up on the train tracks in a blackout would act as a wakeup call. all you say is 'i feel like an idiot'.

what will it take? you might not make it next time. please think about this. there are other places to socialise, especially with sober friends.

vulturine

The meetings I go to are either with a therapist or a councilor every week. I go in every friday and talk about how I'm doing. It's more for harm reduction than complete abstinence. I'm only going because I'm unemployed, running out of money, so I need to get on social assistance, or get a job soon.

I'm sure there is brain damage. I've been drinking heavily for almost two years. It could be worse, but my degree depended on me having an excellent memory, and that's gone now, so I'm getting more and more depressed. I start reading a book and by the time I'm a couple chapters in, I can't remember what I had read before. It sucks. I feel so stupid.

2muchpain

If the meetings you are going to are telling you to just cut back on your drinking, I would suggest changing meetings. Now I did go to a meeting (not AA), that was geared towards drinking in moderation and coming up with a plan to do that. Are you sure you're going to an AA meeting.
Also, if your dealing with blackouts, trying to have just a few drinks will probably not work, but that's just my opinion. Maybe do what others on SR have said and just quit for 30 days and see how that goes. You'd have a much clearer head and can make a good decision whether to drink or not. Good Luck. John

Soberwolf

Vulturine you have proven that you can't moderate it's in your best interest you realise this now drinking is bringing nothing but only taking from your life

Get a plan going and look after yourself x

JD

What the heck kind of meetings are you going to where they tell you to just drink less? It doesn't sound like that's working too well for you. And why would you even consider drinking 3 to 4 drinks next time? It sure sounds to me that you'd be better off just stopping completely.

IvanMike

I'll give it to you straight.

What you're doing is going to kill you.

After becoming abstinent we have lots of time to figure out the "whys". Awareness and insight without action and commitment is worthless.

Volshen

If you stop drinking you will begin to heal.

vulturine

I'm not sure what the meetings are called. It's just through a local non-profit organization. AA won't work for me. I'm not spiritual at all, so 12 steps isn't really an option. It all boils down to willpower though, right?

The 3-4 drinks thing is how I used to drink before I became dependent on alcohol. I'd basically just drink enough to get buzzed and then I wouldn't drink again until another event came up, sometimes months in the future.

Not being able to drive anymore really helps. It sucks though because I'm trapped at home all the time, so I feel like a prisoner here.

OfEpiphany

lol, just give it up dude, when you've reached a level where you jump onto train tracks after drinking, it's time to just quit drinking altogether. People do get killed on train tracks, and it happens more often than you think.

airyfairy123

Yeah sorry but I have to agree with people here.... why else would you end up on a forum advocating sobriety? It's not a 'one or two drinks now and again' forum. Sorry honey, but it's tough love.

I can't have custody of my 2 year old child because my drinking got SO bad - I'm here because I want him back, and if I want him back I've got to do the hard yards, there's no other way to dress it up. I can't change the past, but I have every say in the future.

You ended up on train tracks. What if that person didn't make that phone call? Please don't think 'oh next time it will be OK I'll just not do something stupid' - it doesn't work like that. Alcohol impairs your judgement, particularly when you're already seemingly in a bad place in your head. It's a depressant, and to a depressed person (and we don't always know we ARE depressed) it gets better for a very short space of time and then it spirals. When it spirals, it really spirals.

Really sorry.... I don't want to come across as harsh or cruel, I just think it's worrying that you're dismissing the serious nature of what happened to you. It's hard to put up your hand and say you need help and a sober life doesn't have to be a boring one.

FreeOwl

jumped out of moving vehicles onto the street at speed....

driven drunk a ridiculous amount of times....

provoked large bouncers at random bars and clubs in numerous countries....

gotten blackout drunk in dodgy parts of large cities in the US, Europe, China, Singapore, Thailand, Malaysia, Australia....

antagonized people in a drunken stupor, threatening physical violence...

attempted countless ridiculously stupid stunts while drunk that could easily have ended with me paralyzed or dead....

"Anyone else do something really stupid and dangerous while intoxicated?"

YEP.

But ya know what? After well over two years of sobriety - none of that stuff EVER happens anymore.

Turns out, I think there is a direct correlation.

least

I hope you'll stop drinking for good before something even worse happens.