All change in an instant.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Bridport, Dorset
Posts: 9
All change in an instant.....
What happened to me I had been clean for over 3 years. I went from not wanting or even having an urge for heroin to instantly failing to refuse it in a split second. I took it then consumed by guilt lied/denied to my partner of 5 months (who knew straight away) which ended up hurting her to a degree I could not comprehend as she has been a co dependent for years with previous partners, and she warned me how much it would devastate her. This led to a series of really bad decisions over the next 24 hours which included blame, loathing and self hatred for my actions which I can't turn back the clock on. I can't work out how I got it so wrong and now feel like all my hard work was for nothing. Am I alone here ?.....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
So scary how addiction can change our lives in a second. It's difficult to feel this right now, when you're in the middle of it, but the spiral absolutely doesn't have to continue going downward. You definitely can and should stop now and re-commit to being clean. Please do. You are not alone, there will always be someone here to support you through this. 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Originally Posted by Adzee 
I've been an addict 20 years now, I haven't used a site like this your my first reply has given me strength and hope, thank you....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,909
Time to turn to that counseling and family support again... I hope you don't have any more heroin around, and if you do, dump it. Are there any NA groups you can attend? What are you thinking of doing for the rest of the day and the weekend?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Bridport, Dorset
Posts: 9
Lots of talking with my girlfriend and my family, my sister just gave birth which didn't help my guilt. I need to go back to the drawing board but I won't score again. Thanks again...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
I've been where she has been. Trust is shattered and takes so long to rebuild. The best thing that you can do is get RIGHT back on the horse. Wade through the guilt and shame as it comes. Be proactive in fighting this. Most of all, be honest with her.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome Adzee 
I think most of us can relate to being blindsided and making that decision to use again without any apparent resistance.
I definitely do not think that negates your clean time, or the things you accomplished or learned in that time.
It's just a reminder (a painful one) that we can never rest on our laurels too much.
I'm an alcoholic. As much as I'd like to say I'm cured I know I'm not, and I have to be vigilant.
Most of the time that vigilance is low key, but If I find myself with a using opportunity, I've thought about the various options I have in that moment, and so far it's served me well.
I really recommend a recovery plan
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
Remember you're not a bad person - just a good person with a problem
D
I think most of us can relate to being blindsided and making that decision to use again without any apparent resistance.
I definitely do not think that negates your clean time, or the things you accomplished or learned in that time.
It's just a reminder (a painful one) that we can never rest on our laurels too much.
I'm an alcoholic. As much as I'd like to say I'm cured I know I'm not, and I have to be vigilant.
Most of the time that vigilance is low key, but If I find myself with a using opportunity, I've thought about the various options I have in that moment, and so far it's served me well.
I really recommend a recovery plan
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
Remember you're not a bad person - just a good person with a problem
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Surrey
Posts: 65
All your hard work - staying clean for 3 years - was not for nothing.
It's the nature of the beast - in addiction, it's so easy to lose good things..be it relationships, a job, money, health...self respect, confidence...
I know that so well.
And us along with our clean/sober loved ones...magnify the bad things that happen in addiction, and minimize the good things (you were sober for 3 years).
Just keep trudging along, focus on the positives, time heals.
That's exactly what i'm telling myself too.
It's the nature of the beast - in addiction, it's so easy to lose good things..be it relationships, a job, money, health...self respect, confidence...
I know that so well.
And us along with our clean/sober loved ones...magnify the bad things that happen in addiction, and minimize the good things (you were sober for 3 years).
Just keep trudging along, focus on the positives, time heals.
That's exactly what i'm telling myself too.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
Hi, the trust that has been lost will take time and work to rebuild.
If you are both willing I hope you can turn this around.
You don't have to let this slip become a full blown relapse...look into support. All sorts of support, get back on track...it is so worth it.
You don't need the heroin; being a heroin addict is hard work full of destruction and misery all to come to a final place, if alive, and not incarcerated to nothing more than maintenance, maintenance to feel normal and not sick...I wish you the best, take care..
If you are both willing I hope you can turn this around.
You don't have to let this slip become a full blown relapse...look into support. All sorts of support, get back on track...it is so worth it.
You don't need the heroin; being a heroin addict is hard work full of destruction and misery all to come to a final place, if alive, and not incarcerated to nothing more than maintenance, maintenance to feel normal and not sick...I wish you the best, take care..
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