I drank in moderation and felt like ...(
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 29
I drank in moderation and felt like ...(
It was almost a month sober for me, and everything was great..perfect...and tonight in a concert I drank 2 beers...
I almost never drink beer I always goes for hard liquer as vodka...but this is not an excuse....even if I had one beer it would be the same...I feel like crap, I didn't get drunk of course but I get flash back of everything bad that was my drinking period. I remembered everything, it was like a time machine of bad feelings from the past. I feel like crap mostly because I go against my principles, against myself, I was not true to myself...I felt like abandoning myself again....And the worst for me is that it was a concert for straight edge gropus (they don't drink, smoke use substances) and some of them was my inspiration...people around, some was drinking, I went alone and guess what....I fell to that trap......
I feel the exact same way if I was black out drunk...there is no difference, I don't want to drink...why I slip for so stupid reason.
The only reason I wanted to write this is to talk it out...because if I don't it's like it didn't happend and it is not important....I don't want for this to happend again, and I feel really bad about myself, but I wanted to share, to make it real, to validate it. And even if it was just one it is still a relapse. Tommorow is day 1 again......
Thanks for reading....
I almost never drink beer I always goes for hard liquer as vodka...but this is not an excuse....even if I had one beer it would be the same...I feel like crap, I didn't get drunk of course but I get flash back of everything bad that was my drinking period. I remembered everything, it was like a time machine of bad feelings from the past. I feel like crap mostly because I go against my principles, against myself, I was not true to myself...I felt like abandoning myself again....And the worst for me is that it was a concert for straight edge gropus (they don't drink, smoke use substances) and some of them was my inspiration...people around, some was drinking, I went alone and guess what....I fell to that trap......
I feel the exact same way if I was black out drunk...there is no difference, I don't want to drink...why I slip for so stupid reason.
The only reason I wanted to write this is to talk it out...because if I don't it's like it didn't happend and it is not important....I don't want for this to happend again, and I feel really bad about myself, but I wanted to share, to make it real, to validate it. And even if it was just one it is still a relapse. Tommorow is day 1 again......
Thanks for reading....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: London
Posts: 201
OK so now you are on Day 1. It could be much worse, I know it won't feel like that but you could have carried on drinking............... Sounds a weird thing to say but it's great that you feel bad about it! Better join our group June 2016 - and we can make this journey together. I am on Day 3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Oxnard
Posts: 173
You should be celebrating that you went about a month with not drinking, and the day you did drink you didn't get drunk and you reminded yourself why you stopped drinking in the first place. Keep pressing on. If your desire is to stop drinking for good then you will get there, just keep focusing on that. When we focus on our failures it ends up leading us to more failures.
I should probably follow my own advice on this, but I saw what you wrote and it struck a cord with me.
I should probably follow my own advice on this, but I saw what you wrote and it struck a cord with me.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Good for you for posting. Learn from the experience. Why did you take that first drink? What can you do different next time so you don't? You don't need to answer here but do answer to yourself so you can learn from this and be stronger next time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
Don't discount the 30 days you had just because you had 2 beers. Just pick up where you left off. I don't do AA so I don't believe in going backward in time to Day 1....30 days is impressive. Staying sober's not for sissies.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 29
Even if it was just two beers I feel bad because the action itself....reaching for alcohol...I felt just a little dizzy and dark thoughts start to come in to my mind.
Previous time it was the same, I decided to quit, but after a month or so I started to drink 1-2 glasses of wine and the next thing was a whole bottle and the next 3 days binge drinking with vodka.....
I get it....what makes me to relapse, it is the thing that I'm not ready to socialize in places that reminds me of my past in any kind....
Concerts like this was not good idea on early recovery...it is like to keep my previous life sober witch is not the point! I decided to build a compleatly new life with new activities that fits me better, that are my real passion and to become the person that I wanted to be.
My triggers are sertain people and places...that's it. And I will avoid them and isolate myself if I have to, until I build more inner strenght.
At least all the thoughts about drinking in modeartion and feelings jealous of people who can drink are gone now.
Previous time it was the same, I decided to quit, but after a month or so I started to drink 1-2 glasses of wine and the next thing was a whole bottle and the next 3 days binge drinking with vodka.....
I get it....what makes me to relapse, it is the thing that I'm not ready to socialize in places that reminds me of my past in any kind....
Concerts like this was not good idea on early recovery...it is like to keep my previous life sober witch is not the point! I decided to build a compleatly new life with new activities that fits me better, that are my real passion and to become the person that I wanted to be.
My triggers are sertain people and places...that's it. And I will avoid them and isolate myself if I have to, until I build more inner strenght.
At least all the thoughts about drinking in modeartion and feelings jealous of people who can drink are gone now.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,438
I think most of us need to change our lifestyles - certainly at least for a while.
I was very careful about the places I went and the invitations I accepted - I still think that was a great investment in my recovery
D
I was very careful about the places I went and the invitations I accepted - I still think that was a great investment in my recovery
D
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