amy55

If you have been reading my posts you would know that I am trying to help out a cousin mine. Ex heroine addict, on the meth program for 20 years, He quit cold turkey 11/2014.

He currently has a bank balance of $140. and he rides a moped. He can't get a drivers license. He won't be able to get a drivers license until he is about age 60. He would need to come up from SC to NJ to serve about 10 days jail time before they will even discuss the tickets with him.

He's trying to apply for jobs right now, but he has no computer. Almost everything says to apply onlineI I am on the phone with him between 2 - 4 hours a day. I just can't take it anymore. It takes me at least 45 - 60 minutes to help him find a route that he can drive a moped on. I can't explain to him how to fix carburators.(sp) I can't even spell that word. I can't research how to fix an XP computer. None of that stuff makes sense to me. I'll have 8 tabs opened so I can go back to that, then he'll ask me for the one that I closed.

I find my head just spinning in circles when I talk to him. I want to help him. I committed myself to that, as long as he is trying to help himself. He is keeping up his end of the bargain.

I talked to him about 5 hours ago, and my head is still spinning. I wanted to just go out and pick up a case of beer and make this all go away, but my head was spinning too much. THIS IS WHAT WORRIES ME.

I looked up CPU towers on Ebay instead. I don't even know what I am talking about here. I have a laptop. He has an old XP desktop. I do have a high IQ, probably about 138, but this stuff just baffles me. I know nothing about computers. I know I had my son get me one, it was sent to him. He set it up, and he can control or fix it from where he lives. Perhaps I'm also just babbling here, because I still can't form a coherent thought in my mind yet. I think I'll understand computers, once I can understand how a 40 ton piece of metal can fly in the sky.

Well, anyway, that was all of my crazy thinking.

No, I didn't go get that case of beer. I was too afraid to drive. (Not to mention, I really don't want to do that again to help with problems, it never helped anyway.) It was just a thought that I had.

I did look up CPU? towers online on ebay, and I ordered one. I didn't tell my cousin I was doing this. He doesn't want me spending any money on him, but I did think for my sanity that I could do this and pay to have it installed. I can afford this, the tower was $89.00, don't know about the installation cost. Might be a total of about $300. which my mom also offered to cover, but I can't let her do that.

I'm at a point right now, that I don't even need a response to this. Sometimes I would just like to here a, hey, how are you doing. Just please bring me back to earth again.

((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
amy

Ariesagain

Have a hug. Maybe your son can take over some of your tech support role?

It's really wonderful of you to help him out...maybe someone at the library is a resource for him on the geek thing...tell him to look for anyone under 35

amy55

Aries, my cousin know things about computers, I would never ask my son to help him out until he at least got a job. (Besides, he is my cousin, and my son never met him)

I think I just don't want to hear about gigabytes, or megabytes, if that is what they are even called, because I know nothing, and don't want to know anything about this stuff and I don't want to research this stuff.

Let me look at the tower that I bought him. It is a gift. I'll post that.

BTW, the hugs were most appreciated. Thank you.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))
amy

amy55

It's a Dell Desktop PC tower Computer Windows 10 Core 2 Duo 4GB Ram 250GB HDfont.

Ariesagain

Did that include a monitor or does he have one?

(Look at me, acting like i know what I'm talking about!)

amy55

He has the monitor and the keyboard. Laptops were about $60. more, and he likes a desktop. This was the cheapest way to go, or at least I think so.

Additional would be modem, router, he had dial up connection on an XP dinosaur. (lol) that he was asking me to research how to fix his XP

Thanks
amy

amy55

You know, I went brain dead today. Only recovered half of it so far. He got this desktop since about 2000. So monitor is that old also. So if you just replace the tower, are all the other things (monitor) compatible. I just thought they would be. That's how much I know about computers.

Ariesagain

Dunno. I've had an iPad so long I no longer speak PC...if not, monitors and keyboards have gotten to be pretty inexpensive...

Refiner

Public libraries offer computer access. I'd point him there and remove yourself from his equation.

SmallButMighty

You will probably need an adapter to plug into the end of his monitor cord to be able to plug it into the newer PC.... just explain that to a person at Best Buy or whatever and they will know what it is

***BIG HUGS***

Remember to keep taking lot of deep, DEEP breaths!

amy55

Refiner, problem with a public library is that it's 40 mins away by moped. He lives out in the sticks. If he lived in a city that is accessible to everything, I would not have done this.

I just went to meet my new neighbors. I like them. It's an older couple, actually only a few years older then me. It kinda brought me back to earth again. Just listening to normal makes me feel OK.

SmallbutMighty, going to keep that in mind. Going to tell him that I just don't comprehend anything, because I really don't when it comes to computers. Going to tell him to call internet company with all of his questions.

I can't believe it's 8 hours later, and my mind is just beginning to work again.

Thank you everyone for talking to me, it really means a lot.

(((((hugs)))))
amy

amy55

I had a really bad day today. I did get through it. I had to watch TV. Watched the Breakfast Club, then Uncle Buck, pulled weeds, talked to the new neighbors, talked to my mom, talked to my friend, came here, watched more Tv, Overboard, and after about 10 hours from talking to my cousin, my mind came back to me.

It was so strange today, I really wanted to get beer. It was like my mind was so far gone, it was like I was drinking, without drinking, so I might as well drink, but I felt too drunk (or to out of my mind) to drive, and I wouldn't do that. I couldn't concentrate on anything for the life of me today.

I kept trying to do mindless things just so that I could get my bearings back again.

I wouldn't expect anyone here who doesn't drink to understand the feeling of numbness and total lack of concentration that I was having today, and to be able to equate that with the same feeling of drinking, but I got through today with your help.

Thanks, and now time to go to sleep.

((((((hugs)))))
amy

CentralOhioDad

(((((((HUGS)))))))

I'm glad you didn't go get the beer.

redatlanta

I've already said this but will again.

There is nothin wrong with you gifting or helping in this situation. Yes, he has become a bit dependent on you (ok more than a bit).

Given the situation I would buy him whatever he needed and not look back. He has been really working to correct some massive mistakes that he has made in his past. I believe he does not even hit the standard poverty line - far from it. Your cousin is representative of what many in poverty face when trying to correct past mistakes, he has reached a point where correcting the problem takes a lot of money (or a little but it may as well be a lot because he has no money). This is the reason so MANY homeless people cannot move from homelessness. They no longer have their birth certificate or DL. They have no computer access, no car, little money. Cant get a copy of Birth certificate cause have no mailing address or credit card or computer to get online (as required). Even if they get the BC they still can't obtain a DL or state ID because they have no secondary Identification. Its a terrible vicious cycle - your cousin is in the same. He needs a job but has no way to submit an application except in person. He has no drivers license so he must travel by moped which for some areas doesn't work. He can't get on a main HWY for travel. There is no public transport where he lives in timbuktu.

if your cousin lived in a city then you could just steer him to an organization that does could help with these things. He lives in the sticks. He is trying hard to get a job. Real hard. The only reason he has a roof over his head is because his father left him a trailer when he died. Otherwise he would be on the street.

Helping someone that is helping themselves is not being a codependent. God bless you for being so kind and patient

Does he have internet service? I'm thinking not. Why not take your mother up on her offer? Maybe he is going to need some installation from a cable company. Perhaps getting the tower and setting him up with installation etc and 2 months of payment for service would suffice.

hopeful4

Ok, here we go.

I am going to agree. Just get him what he needs to get going on the computer so he can search for a job w/out triggering you like this. I am worried about you, please don't turn to drinking to deal with stress. It's not worth it, and will only make it worse. FYI..our salvation army store here has flat screen monitors for really cheap that work. You may want to check at a thrift store for one if he is in need. Keyboards as well.

It's obvious he is very triggering and time intensive. So that being said, I think you need to do what needs to be done to get him to be more independent of you.

Your heart is in the right place, you are such a good person. Tight hugs, we are here for you!

TimeForMe

Sending you more hugs, Amy.

You could also check FreeCycle.org for monitors and/or keyboards.

dandylion

amy.....I know that I am just dreaming, here, but, I think that y our cousin's situation would be a perfect application for the use of drones.....

dandylion

Thomas45

Look on the detailed specifications of the Dell computer, if the listing had that information. It should mention either a "VGA" or "DVI" port, or possibly both. If it includes a VGA port, there's about a 99% chance that his monitor will plug into the computer. If it includes both a VGA and a DVI port, that chance jumps up to 100%. Most computer monitors prior to 2002 used the VGA standard.

Thomas45

If you can't find that information, send me the link to the auction that you won so that I can read over it's description and find that information for you.

Edit: One last thing - there's the possibility that the mouse and keyboard won't be compatible. Older PC's used a port called a PS/2 (not the video game console, something else) for keyboards and mice, which is a round plug with pins inside. That style of port has since been phased out and peripherals all use the USB standard now, so old mice and keyboards that use the PS/2 connection won't work.

amy55

Thanks again everyone, I was really losing it yesterday. No, I didn't go get beer, and then when my head straightened out, I thought, why would someone want to drink to get the way I got yesterday. My brain was really numb.

Today I took the day off. Took a vacay day and spent it with my friends. Everyone here really did keep me sane yesterday.

Red, thanks so much for listening to me complaining so much recently. You really do understand my situation. It's even worse that my mom knows that I am doing this. She thanks me all the time for this and says prayers for me. (lol)
I think that's why she is offering to pay for this. I'll see about that though, it all depends on the total cost. When I first took this on, I thought it would be easy, you know just giving him directions to places and phone numbers. It didn't turn out that way, and sometimes I'm getting triggered just to come to the computer, because of how crazy he is making me.

Thomas, for the life of me, I am unable to post a link to it. I tried so many times and it is just not working for me tonight. I posted the type of tower in my 2nd post here. His old computer was an xp that he bought in 2000.

Thanks again everyone, I can't say that enough.

Now to chill out and watch some mindless sitcom or something.

((((((hugs))))))
amy