Advise....Guidance....Support needed....

Old 06-22-2016, 03:16 AM
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Advise....Guidance....Support needed....

Hi,

I have been with my GF for 7 years now, it has been up and down, she has lived with me twice before, this time!

She has always had a drink problem, the same story as everyone else really, lying, fighting, abuse, ending up in arguments when you just wanted come home and relax after work but instead finding them drunk and saying stupid things.

Anyone skipping the last 7 years, i made the mistake of believing she would change (i know) this was just before Christmas and since see has been drinking nearly everyweek, somtime more or when it gets bad like now on a constant bender.


See says she wants help and support so i have stood by her, gone the doctors, tried be positive, things to look forward too etc but nothing seems to work…

All I get is I want to go rehab, which she has an appointment next week but I think she expects because she has said she has a problem and has a meeting that she can stay off work and drink everyday…

I just want her to realise the more she drinks the worse it will get and be.

Problem now is it is affecting my work, I can’t concentrate and feel like a breakdown.

I don’t know what to do? She lives in my house and has nowhere to go, I do not talk about this to my family, but if it didn’t it would be the end but I feel I need to escape.

Sorry I don’t know if it makes sense.
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:45 AM
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I just want her to realise the more she drinks the worse it will get and be.

The only way she is going to realize how big of a problem her drinking really is, is when there is accountability and repercussions to her actions. Now she is in a situation where she can take off a week from work, sit at home and binge. How is she affording to do that? I have a guess.......

Your work is now being affected, your mental state is being affected. She on the other hand gets to do whatever she wants while you suffer because she goes to a meeting (waste of time), and doctors here and there, and maybe she is going to a rehab - we will see.

What you need to do is be worried about yourself. She's not worried about you, I don't think she is worried about anything but getting drunk which is typical. Her actions seem to be halfhearted fake attempts at "doing something" to get you off her back. She is adding in a "meeting" (if she is going) after drinking. Its almost like going to confession every day after you steal the money out of a cash register at work - expecting that you have absolved yourself so you can do it again no problemo!

You are not in jail. You do have choices. I suggest you start laying some boundaries, and figuring out what you need for your life to be peaceful and productive before you end up in trouble at work.

Sorry she has nowhere to go - that's her problem. Adult people need to be responsible to take care of themselves.

Have you been to Al Anon?
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Old 06-22-2016, 03:50 AM
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It makes total sense, Mitch. Been there. Most of us have.

You aren't obligated to keep a roof over her head. Alcoholics who get kicked out are very resourceful. I don't know where you live (judging by your writing I'm guessing somewhere in the UK or Australia), but most places have shelters.

Your health and well-being matter. Have you been to Al-Anon? That was a lifeline for me when my second husband went back to drinking after almost dying of it. Ultimately I moved out (we were renting, so I could do that), but if that were impossible, I would have made him leave (that can be complicated, too--depending on the landlord/tenant laws where you live, eviction is sometimes the only way if someone refuses to leave).

Please take care of yourself--stick around here, keep posting, and consider Al-Anon. I hope your g/f decides to get better, but YOU will be better off if you take care of yourself (regardless of what she does).

Hugs,
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Old 06-22-2016, 05:22 AM
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Hi, Mitch--I noticed that you joined the forum nearly 4 years ago but have only 9 posts in that time. I looked back at your previous posts and found them in only a couple of threads, each being a thread you started and each thread having a similar title about wanting advice. Each thread is much like the one a year or 2 years prior to it--same problems, same replies.

Based on what I read, I'd like to pass on 2 things I've read here on SR that I think apply to the situation:

First, Nothing changes if nothing changes. And my friend, I don't see anything changing--you and your GF are deadlocked in this relationship. Rinse, repeat.

Second, Sometimes it's not that we have a problem we can't solve, it's that we don't like the answer. It seems to me there is more than a little of this going on here...

Rather than repeat what you've already heard and apparently are not ready to act on yet, I'm simply going to say this: Only you can decide when it's really bad enough to take action. Asking for advice, hoping for a different answer, one that is easier or less painful, is only going to keep you stuck. The change needs to start with you. Everything you need to start making that change is available to you, but only you can actually put it into action.

Keep reading, keep posting, but look outside your own thread, read and respond to others, and take action, even if it's only a tiny baby step.

(And please understand, all of the above is said with as much kindness as possible--I took one tiny baby step at a time myself, hoping I wouldn't really have to make the big scary changes I thought I saw looming on the horizon. It took me a long time too.)
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