picturegirl81

I am in a relationship with a guy who attends AA regularly. There is a woman who joined the group the same time as my boyfriend. He is always helpful and wants to help everyone. This girl stopped attending meetings about a month ago and he had been texting her about the meetings. She said she hadn't been attending because of stressful events. She stopped by his house and talked to him. I feel like she is making excuses for not attending meetings. He thinks he needs to be there for her indefinitely. He should not be her personal therapist. How do I handle this? Don't know if I can continue this relationship but trying. Any thought or suggestions?

AdelineRose

In all honesty is sounds a little bit more like this is about an insecurity on your part then him acting inappropriate with another woman (at least from the information you felt like sharing). Is it really that uncommon for people to become friends in AA, to text about meetings and who is going to which meeting, and to be there for one another when stressful events occur? I do not personally attend AA, but I live with my father in law who has been attending for almost 40 years and they are always all meeting up for breakfast, lunch or dinner, they call each other to say hi, they call each other to see who is going to what meeting, and they call each other just to complain or any other reason. They are friends.

I used to hate when my fiance even just said hello to someone on the line at the super market but through counseling I realized that I was the issue not him being friendly. I also had to decide if I was going to trust him and stay with him or if I felt I couldn't trust him then it was time to let go.

uncorked

If your bf is the type of guy that normally enjoys helping people then he's just being himself. You don't know the reason she doesn't attend meetings and it really doesn't matter. I agree that he shouldn't be her personal therapist, but when you're a problem drinker/user it's so helpful to talk with people who've been there/done that. I think if he were up to something he wouldn't tell you anything about this girl.

getright15

Helping others is a part of the AA tradition. Your bf is basically following the book in one of the ways to stay sober is helping others to stay sober and in doing so he himself stays sober. I attend AA and I'm currently doing the steps as well and my sponsor as well as his sponsor is all about extending your hand to a new comer. So consider it normal, but I understand your position. Have you though about attending with him so you can check it out for yourself?

entropy1964

Hmmm. Well I may offer a different perspective here. It has been my experience in AA that is better for women to seek the support of other women outside the meetings. Same goes for men. That isn't to say that men and women don't support each other and become friends outside the meetings. But my personal experience with this has not been good. Pretty much every time a man offered me his number or asked me for mine, there were other motives. I no longer exchange numbers with men, ever. That has been my experience.

If you are concerned you talk with your boyfriend. If what is happening is not working for you and he won't compromise, you leave.

Dee74

Hi Picturegirl

I agree it's best for you to talk this out with your boyfriend and get it out in the open

D