LovelyKaya33333

Hi everyone,

So this morning I pulled up my bootstraps and went and got an apartment... It has only been 4 days since my breakup... I am proud of my self for going to my parents and going no contact. I still feel sick that he is moving his ex wife into our home that we shared...it feels like there is a knife in my stomach and heart... But at least I went by myself... applied for an apartment...went to the bank...pulled my statements..went back and got approved...I move in Wednesday or Thursday ... My best friend is coordinating all the move stuff so that I can remain Complete No Contact. I am mostly proud of myself.... but so angry and so stepped on... and sick to my stomach thinking he didn't love me ever...

Eauchiche

Dear Kaya
Proud of you for taking care of yourself. For every one of us here who are making these positive decisions, there are probably untold thousands out there staying and enabling.
We're here for you. Stay in touch.

Ariesagain

You're kicking butt, really you are. And every action you take makes you stronger and more resilient.

As for love, you are more than worthy of it. He is just not capable of it...it's like asking a snake to can-can. Weirdly, it isn't personal, even...it really isn't you...it really IS him.

Standing ovation for all you're doing...and another hug.

Zevin

Keep going, Kaya! Start practicing what you will say when he comes back, claiming to be a changed person.
I PROMISE that in the future, you will look back and thank God he is out of your life. Stay strong!

LovelyKaya33333

...im taking all the steps...the urge to call him is there still...but i won't

LexieCat

Believe me, as much as it hurts right now, you are cutting WAY down on the amount of time you will have to suffer, by doing things NOW instead of lying paralyzed on your bed sobbing into your pillow. Not to say there's anything wrong with sobbing into your pillow, but much better to do it in the safety and security of your OWN home.

LovelyKaya33333

and pain....

theuncertainty

It's completely understandable that you're still hurt and sad. It's been a horrid experience to deal with and nothing about it is easy. And as much as it hurts now, it'll recede bit by bit. Just hold on, keep taking the next right step for you and you'll be OK. You already are OK.

FeelingGreat

Kaya so proud of you for the way you're pushing through the pain. You'll start getting a payoff soon, I promise, as the heartache eases.

dandylion

LovelyKaya....I have had that kind of pain.....so intense, it is astonishing!
You have pushed forward with really good speed....Good for YOU!!

A word of reality---you are going to be grieving for a while. It won't stay as intense as it is today, of course. But. it is a process that you will just have to work through in the coming weeks and months.

What the others have said about him coming back around.....Well, that is fair warning, because it part of the standard operating procedure so much of the time.
It is wise to prepare yourself for that possibility. If you keep your head in charge of your heart, you will be o.k......

dandylion

firebolt

You have some hard days ahead. Lots to reconcile emotionally....but....getting out, getting some peace, and being here are some of the first steps to get there....and a much, much brighter future awaits! (((HUGS))) One foot in front of the other.

hopeful4

Good for you! And kudos to your friend to help you so you can remain NC, that is really important!

hope778

Wow, Kaya. You are being very brave and strong. Even if you don't feel it right now. You're doing it. You're getting your life back. One foot in front of the other.

hope778

I needed to hear that today.

fred59

hang in there kaya good start getting your new place

AdelineRose

I think right now would be a good time to be extra kind to yourself. Any little things that might help bring your mood up even if it is something as simple as getting your nails done or getting a hair cut- do it. You should be SO proud of yourself. You have taken control of your life, and although it hurts right now, you have made sure that you are not going to suffer indefinitely by being in an unhealthy relationship.

Going completely no contact is the best thing you could have done for yourself. I am happy you were able to move out, get your own place, and have someone to be the middle person so he cannot try to play on your emotions or make the wounds deeper.

YOU WILL HEAL. YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS. YOU WILL LOOK BACK AND REALIZE WHAT AN AMAZING INDEPENDENT AND STRONG WOMAN YOU ARE.

elihoping

I've been reading your posts the last couple of days. I just wanted to say how amazing and inspiring you are. To be able to take all these positive actions to help yourself is just wonderful and you deserve so much more happiness than you've been receiving.

LovelyKaya33333

I walked into Living Spaces today and I started crying. Just last month my exAB and I were there and purchased a sectional together.... for our cozy home....and I am back there a month later getting ANOTHER sofa for my apartment while he is moving his ex wife in to enjoy ours...it is all just so messed up...This morning my dad said "they wouldn't even make a movie with this story line because no one would believe this would actually happen" .....guess the jokes on me cause it happened..... I just want to stop hurting ...I am doing a lot... got an apartment...been No Contact at all since Saturday... (he is blocked) Haven't drank.... Haven't accepted dates from guys that know I am single.... Been working with my sponsor.... went to a meeting....went to yoga therapy... ( yes its a real thing ) ...Still maintaining work the best I can ( at least not avoiding my clients)... and been reading and writing on here... I just want the sick feeling in my tummy to ease up... I cry through out the day .... ugh!!!!!thank you everyone again...you guys are amazing

AdelineRose

I hate when you walk into a place and then you get hit with a memory of when things were going "better". It can be painful and discouraging, but maybe if you ever go back into that store in a couple years the memory you will be hit with will be "Remember when I stood up for myself and took control of my life? Remember how I thought everything was falling apart but really I saved myself that day?"

You are doing all the right things and really reaching out and helping yourself. Only good things can come from all the work you are putting in. I am going to look into yoga therapy I love yoga and I go to alot of therapy so maybe I can try that out too!

LovelyKaya33333

Yoga therapy has been one of the most amazing experiences I have had with healing... I have been seeing mine for a little over a year just 1-2 times a month but I am going to do 1 time a week right now ....