Not wanting to feel this pain..it feels like too much
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Not wanting to feel this pain..it feels like too much
All I can think about is my exAB moving his ex wife into our home... It is consuming me... I have a sponsor and I am in alanon and I have therapy today... when i am left with my own thoughts I feel so much emotion...it is exhausting... Someone at my alanon meeting yesterday gave me some great insight... I had shared that I feel like I am floating... like nowhere feels safe anymore... I don't have my home... my cat is still at my exAB house... I am living at my parents house... my clothes are 1/2 at my ex AB house.. 1/2 in my car... I am getting a storage unit today and my best friend is going with movers to get all my stuff... and his ex wife is moving into the home i created...( the home he promised me a life in and a forever in and a family in).. with their 2 children... ( their 2 children that I spent a total of 6 weeks this year taking time off of work during their school vacations to babysit for free)... I did this because I thought we were going to be a family( based on things he told me all of the time) and i wanted to bond with his kids... He is still a heavy alcoholic... he got drunk by 11 am on Saturday and attempted to drive to my best friends house ( with his kids in the car) to "drop of my stuff".... could this situation get any more embarrassing and hurtful? Anyway when I was sharing this in alanon someone said to me..."you said you felt like you were floating... well think of it this way.... You left an unhealthy situation and God is now carrying you...thats why you feel like you are floating and he is going to place you where you belong"... This helped me ... I am still in so much pain though.....grrrr
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
If he's drunk with his kids in the car, you call 911. This isn't a relationship issue anymore, this is innocent victims at risk.
He put his children in danger in order to score points off you...is that what you want in a partner? What does that tell you about who he is?
I'm glad you have face to face support. It will get better. Just keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other.
Sending you a hug.
He put his children in danger in order to score points off you...is that what you want in a partner? What does that tell you about who he is?
I'm glad you have face to face support. It will get better. Just keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other.
Sending you a hug.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
LK, I posted this on the wall near my computer when I was getting ready for XAH's move-out date. I found it tremendously helpful; maybe you will too.
Breathe. You’re going to be okay.
Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too.
These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.
I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.
This Will Pass
Breathe. You’re going to be okay.
Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too.
These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience.
I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
LovelyKala......this is my pet name for an exercise that helped me so much. It gets the negative energy outside of your body....it is for when you are twisted in knots on the inside and feel like you could just explode.....
Find a private place away from others....I liked the edge of the woods.
Pretend that the person/persons that y ou are angry with...or, hurt by....is in from of you, somewhere.
In an unedited way....tell them everything that you are thinking and feeling about them. Say it..Scream it...Cry it.... Call them any bad name that comes to mind....say all the bad things that you would like to do to them....leave no stone unturned....
don't stop until your face is swollen and the snot is running down...until the mascara is running down your face....and until you don't feel like you can think of anything more to say...until you are exhausted and your voice is hoarse.....
Scream it to the Universe.....
I have done it and, believe me...it helps.....
dandylion
Find a private place away from others....I liked the edge of the woods.
Pretend that the person/persons that y ou are angry with...or, hurt by....is in from of you, somewhere.
In an unedited way....tell them everything that you are thinking and feeling about them. Say it..Scream it...Cry it.... Call them any bad name that comes to mind....say all the bad things that you would like to do to them....leave no stone unturned....
don't stop until your face is swollen and the snot is running down...until the mascara is running down your face....and until you don't feel like you can think of anything more to say...until you are exhausted and your voice is hoarse.....
Scream it to the Universe.....
I have done it and, believe me...it helps.....
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,429
I know nothing can really heal this but time and letting out the emotion.
I was thinking one good thing is that those poor kids will at least have the
stability of the home and not be uprooted over and over.
I know that may not feel like much comfort, but you helped give them
some peace and love and that really matters to a child growing up
with alcoholism.
Hugs Kaya
I was thinking one good thing is that those poor kids will at least have the
stability of the home and not be uprooted over and over.
I know that may not feel like much comfort, but you helped give them
some peace and love and that really matters to a child growing up
with alcoholism.
Hugs Kaya
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
What honeypig posted--times 10.
You know, when I first got sober it was the STRONG emotions--the anger, frustration-type stuff that most made me want to pick up a drink. I used to feel like I couldn't STAND to feel it. Well, I forced my way through it, and guess what. I didn't die. I didn't drink. And the next time those emotions hit me, I reminded myself I got through it last time, and I would this time, too, as long as I didn't pick up my go-to coping mechanism.
And each time I worked my way through one of those moments, I felt a bit stronger and more in control of my emotions.
It WILL get better--promise.
You know, when I first got sober it was the STRONG emotions--the anger, frustration-type stuff that most made me want to pick up a drink. I used to feel like I couldn't STAND to feel it. Well, I forced my way through it, and guess what. I didn't die. I didn't drink. And the next time those emotions hit me, I reminded myself I got through it last time, and I would this time, too, as long as I didn't pick up my go-to coping mechanism.
And each time I worked my way through one of those moments, I felt a bit stronger and more in control of my emotions.
It WILL get better--promise.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 786
I've experienced that floating feeling too, like the ground has shifted under your feet and you feel lost and ethereal, as if it's not your reality.
It's a horrible feeling, but I found that it helped me get the hard stuff done--and when I came back to the ground my feet were solidly walking one step in front of the other.
You can do this. In the long run you know you deserve better, and he's saved you long term agony with this shorter term misery. And as someone else mentioned, always be proud of the stability and love you gave those kids. That is precious and life changing for them. Small consolation right now, but powerful nonetheless.
As much as it hurts, you have the gift of the ability to face it, immerse in it, and work through it. (Maybe when you're yelling at the woods you can say "GIFT? This is a GIFT?!?!?")
Feels rotten, but it truly is the gift to a healthy, happy life. I called it a gift wrapped in $hit...
Sending you hugs and peace.
It's a horrible feeling, but I found that it helped me get the hard stuff done--and when I came back to the ground my feet were solidly walking one step in front of the other.
You can do this. In the long run you know you deserve better, and he's saved you long term agony with this shorter term misery. And as someone else mentioned, always be proud of the stability and love you gave those kids. That is precious and life changing for them. Small consolation right now, but powerful nonetheless.
As much as it hurts, you have the gift of the ability to face it, immerse in it, and work through it. (Maybe when you're yelling at the woods you can say "GIFT? This is a GIFT?!?!?")
Feels rotten, but it truly is the gift to a healthy, happy life. I called it a gift wrapped in $hit...Sending you hugs and peace.
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