One Year Later
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
One Year Later
One year ago to the day, XAH confirmed what I had suspected: He hadn't stopped drinking at all. This thread was posted the night I learned this:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...o-i-guess.html
One year later, life is so different. I made it thru a winter on my own--managed to use the snowblower w/o damaging it, myself or anyone/anything else! I'm staying on top of the yard work and making a little additional progress. I've found a reasonably priced handyman to take care of things like cleaning the gutters (2-story house) that I lack the equipment and/or know-how to handle. XAH and I have been able to work together enough to get rid of 95% of the crap my brother left behind in his shed on my property when he moved to Canada 3 years ago. I sealed up the upper unit of my house and am living in the lower one, where I have things I love and the vibe is comforting. In the material world, things are going great.
Regarding mental/emotional/spiritual matters, there is a lot of progress there too. I was brought up in no religion, have never been a churchgoer, but have been attending a local UU church recently and am thinking it may be a good fit. I am continuing to read, read, read all kinds of recovery material (and that is defined VERY broadly!). I'm searching out what feeds my heart and soul and doing my best to take care of myself on all levels.
Most days I feel pretty good. Some days I feel awful. But probably the biggest thing is that even on the awful days, I feel as if there is a solid floor under me. I am able to say (and usually believe) "well, this is temporary--just hang in, some kind of solution will be found." This faith, confidence, inner peace--whatever you want to call it--is new for me.
I have a long way to go yet. It takes time to build a new life, and it's taking time to make friends IRL and find a community for myself. But the effort itself is so worthwhile, even as I wait to see where things will lead. Alanon and everyone here at SR have been instrumental in making these changes happen. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to all those who've helped me along the way.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...o-i-guess.html
One year later, life is so different. I made it thru a winter on my own--managed to use the snowblower w/o damaging it, myself or anyone/anything else! I'm staying on top of the yard work and making a little additional progress. I've found a reasonably priced handyman to take care of things like cleaning the gutters (2-story house) that I lack the equipment and/or know-how to handle. XAH and I have been able to work together enough to get rid of 95% of the crap my brother left behind in his shed on my property when he moved to Canada 3 years ago. I sealed up the upper unit of my house and am living in the lower one, where I have things I love and the vibe is comforting. In the material world, things are going great.
Regarding mental/emotional/spiritual matters, there is a lot of progress there too. I was brought up in no religion, have never been a churchgoer, but have been attending a local UU church recently and am thinking it may be a good fit. I am continuing to read, read, read all kinds of recovery material (and that is defined VERY broadly!). I'm searching out what feeds my heart and soul and doing my best to take care of myself on all levels.
Most days I feel pretty good. Some days I feel awful. But probably the biggest thing is that even on the awful days, I feel as if there is a solid floor under me. I am able to say (and usually believe) "well, this is temporary--just hang in, some kind of solution will be found." This faith, confidence, inner peace--whatever you want to call it--is new for me.
I have a long way to go yet. It takes time to build a new life, and it's taking time to make friends IRL and find a community for myself. But the effort itself is so worthwhile, even as I wait to see where things will lead. Alanon and everyone here at SR have been instrumental in making these changes happen. I owe a huge debt of gratitude to all those who've helped me along the way.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
Originally Posted by honeypig 
But probably the biggest thing is that even on the awful days, I feel as if there is a solid floor under me. I am able to say (and usually believe) "well, this is temporary--just hang in, some kind of solution will be found." This faith, confidence, inner peace--whatever you want to call it--is new for me.
You have been nothing short of a Living Inspiration in your recovery honeypig, and you give back 110% in every possible way. I'm so happy to "know" you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
And you know what else is interesting? In the original thread from a year ago that I linked to, there are many suggestions about how I could handle the dog situation, since it seemed that they were not able to make it much longer than about 6 hours w/o going out to pee, that being my experience when I worked for the bakery and XAH was allegedly walking them in the AMs before he left for his work.
Well.
Since XAH finally moved out in late November, there has not been a real issue w/this. I bought some human bed pads which I put out daily, and I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times the pee pads have actually been used--and most of those have been when something came up that made my day much longer than normal. This leads me to believe that either A) XAH was not even letting the dogs out when I worked for the bakery (he let it slip that he wasn't actually walking them at one point, so I knew that much for sure), or B) the dogs were responding to the bad vibes in the house w/frequent accidents.
Either way, even though I'm a "single dog parent", I think my furry children are also benefiting from not having an active A in their lives. Even Daisy, who worshiped XAH, seems to have adjusted pretty well.
Once again, what I perceived as a huge problem, and a reason/excuse not to make a change or move forward, turned out to be a straw man in the end...
Well.
Since XAH finally moved out in late November, there has not been a real issue w/this. I bought some human bed pads which I put out daily, and I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times the pee pads have actually been used--and most of those have been when something came up that made my day much longer than normal. This leads me to believe that either A) XAH was not even letting the dogs out when I worked for the bakery (he let it slip that he wasn't actually walking them at one point, so I knew that much for sure), or B) the dogs were responding to the bad vibes in the house w/frequent accidents.
Either way, even though I'm a "single dog parent", I think my furry children are also benefiting from not having an active A in their lives. Even Daisy, who worshiped XAH, seems to have adjusted pretty well.
Once again, what I perceived as a huge problem, and a reason/excuse not to make a change or move forward, turned out to be a straw man in the end...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
<3<3<3
I love this update.
Does where you 'were' seem like some surreal dream, rather than part of your past!? Amazing how peace takes over - yours is so clear to me in all that you say (even on the awful days.)
(((Happy hugs HP)))
I second FS "so happy to 'know' you!"
I love this update.
Does where you 'were' seem like some surreal dream, rather than part of your past!? Amazing how peace takes over - yours is so clear to me in all that you say (even on the awful days.)
(((Happy hugs HP)))
I second FS "so happy to 'know' you!"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Does where you 'were' seem like some surreal dream, rather than part of your past!?
But one of the multitude of reasons I'm glad for SR is that I can go back and read my old posts and be reminded of the bad times of the more recent past. For some reason, my brain isn't downloading all THAT...and I guess I should be grateful that I don't have to suffer thru it, but man, I really need to keep that balanced view on what it was really like.
This past weekend, at several points where I was enjoying myself, I would feel "I wish XAH was here" creeping in. Then I'd think "and if XAH was here, what would things be like?" And the answer was never anything that I would have exchanged for what I had, on my own, by myself, at that moment.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
