itsmylifenow

It's been forever since I've been on here. No place has ever supported me as this forum did 4 years ago while I was struggling to get out of a verbally abusive R with an A.

I am now in a very loving R with someone who drinks some and occasionally does pot. We dont live together and are an hour away from each other so I don't really know how much he does recreationally. He doesn't do it around me.

Lately I've been comparing the toxic R with this one. Wondering if maybe he's hiding a secret self who gets stoned like my ex. I'm trying to keep my eyes open, don't want to get blindsided. Don't want to get hurt.

My BF is honest with me. He isn't anything like the Ex and resents me thinking he is.

I spent 3 years with a psychopath who damaged me pretty well. It took me a few years to heal what happened to me, yet obviously there is still some residual issues.

Why am I doing this? My BF is a healthy relationship for me. First one in forever. Why does my mind want me to believe he could be a monster but I just haven't seen it yet?

How do I get passed this feeling? He isn't doing anything to warrant this from me.

FeelingGreat

Hi, IMLN, it feels very natural to be wary of an aspect of your BF that reminds you of a toxic relationship. It's a survival instinct that has helped keep us safe for uncounted generations. If it starts interfering with a healthy relationship it might pay to talk it through with a therapist. You may not need many sessions, but you obviously have horrible memories of your previous AXBF that you need to process.