Mom in hospital. Sister laughs at news.

Old 06-16-2016, 04:36 PM
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Mom in hospital. Sister laughs at news.

Some of you may know that my mom was diagnosed with cancer last year. She even got admitted to hospice, but then this year she turned around for the better. So she got kicked out and her cancer's decreasing.

My sister went AWOL during my mom's worst period. She's had a history of drug and alcohol abuse before but she swears up and down now that she isn't using. Her boyfriend is open about his heavy pot useage, and both she and he are NOT financially independent. She is now living with my parents, more or less, and he with his.

Anyway, my mom decided to quit her anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications cold turkey because, hey, she's doing better right? I didn't think it was a great idea, but I'm not a doctor. And her doctor cleared it too.

So my dad was beginning to report that her behavior was getting increasingly erratic and angry. Today she threatened to commit suicide and walked into her swimming pool. She can't swim.

My dad thought she was being manipulative and told her to go to the deep end, "as a test to see if she was really being suicidal." He's been her primary caretaker, and he's been at it way too long. My mom also was refusing to get additional help, she was socially isolating herself, and she was also telling him that he couldn't leave her alone in the house EVER. Which is completely unrealistic. So he snapped.

My sister won't help him out even though she theoretically lives with them. (She's out most of the time anyway).

So she walked into the water, decided it was too cold, and walked back into the house. Dad called me up, and told me that he cancelled all his client calls for the day because he couldn't live with himself if something really happened to her.

I called her doctor,'s office and they basically told me that I had to call 911 to report a suicide attempt. We decided to call my parents and convinced them to drive to the ER so she could undergo a psych eval so at least my mom felt that she had a choice on which hospital she wanted to go to.

I called my sister to let her know what was going on, and she said, "I'm sorry, I can't help but laugh."

And then she started to complain about how dad was on her case for not finding a job that could make her financially independent, and how her ex-husband didn't help her move out of her house last week. Well, there's a reason why he's your EX-husband. Especially when he's your ex because you had an affair.

There are these moments where you just feel the coldness overtake you. And today was that moment in spades.

This woman is basically mooching off my parents, and then laughs when one of them is under suicide watch, because that proves to her in her mind that she's perfectly justified in feeling the way that she does towards them. She's the victim, they're the abusers, and that's that. If she thinks that they're that screwed up, DON'T ASK FOR THEIR HELP. If she thinks my mom is off her rocker, then why is she begging her for money every second?

I know I need to stop building my laundry list of hurts, but this just really really got me. And I can't tell her off, because it means that she might pull her nieces away from me. I can't stand it when people tell me how kind and generous and charming she is - just disagree with her and see how she treats you then! Maybe she'll laugh too when YOU get admitted to the hospital.

I HATE it when she tells me how pot is the best thing since sliced bread, and if mom was on pot she wouldn't be this way. Because pot is natural and prescription drugs aren't. Well poison ivy's natural too and I don't see people rushing out to get it!

The only reason why she wants my mom to smoke pot is to justify her own past/current usage, not because she actually cares for her. I hate how pot and alcohol cooked her brain and now she's turned into this delusional cold person who turns on the charm when she needs something from you.

Okay vent over.

The good news: my mom got cleared and she went home. My dad is going to talk to somebody, and I'm hoping that my mom will be more open to getting help from other people besides my dad and myself.
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Old 06-16-2016, 04:44 PM
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I am sorry your mom is struggling mentally, and hope she gets back on her meds soon. This all must be very hard on you and your father. If your sister isn't helping I wouldn't listen to her "poor me" version of every story.

I am glad you can vent here, my prayers go out for all of you.

Hugs
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Old 06-16-2016, 06:54 PM
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Big hug to you Puzzled! This sounds super, super difficult.

Please take care of yourself through all this: eat healthy, get exercise and spend some time with good people.
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Old 06-16-2016, 07:48 PM
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BIG HUG I am so sorry you are going through this and that your mom is having a tough time right now.

Is your mom open to counseling? Everyone always thinks they are doing better while taking their medicines and then think they can come off because they are better when in reality you feel better because you are on the medicine. It took me a long time to grasp that seemingly simple concept. urgh.

Your sister is acting like a typical addict (I would know because I was one). There is no reasoning with her and even though she lives there she is never going to be any help since she can only think about herself right now. It is a sad situation and I wish there was a magic answer but unfortunately she just can't be counted on emotionally, physically, or financially. Have you thought about detaching from her and putting all communication with her at a if you MUST category otherwise just leaving her out? Might spare you alot of frustration.
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Old 06-16-2016, 09:12 PM
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I'm sorry you're going through all of this!

So much of it resonates with me. For example, my brother also blames all of his problems on my parents. (Apparently, I had the same parents and slept in the same room with him on bunk beds and just somehow have forgotten all of the abuse!) He also continues to use them in any way he can. It is absolutely infuriating! I agree with Adeline about limiting your communication with her. I understand that you want to maintain your relationship with her because of your nieces, but I wouldn't call her for a sympathetic ear. I would keep conversation as superficial as possible. Even if she's clean, she's obviously still exhibiting addict behavior.

As far as your mom and dad's situation - I relate to that, too. I'm the one who thinks she can go off of her meds anytime she feels good. lol. I think that dealing with us who are seriously mentally ill probably requires a lot of the same concepts as dealing with an addict. No one else can control it or cure it. There's a reason they send you to rehab for suicide threats/attempts. My husband talked with my psychologist a few times and it was really helpful for him/us. I hope your dad reaps positive benefits from counseling, too. If nothing else, I'm sure he needs some time to vent after being under so much pressure for so long as a caretaker.

Best wishes to all of you! I hope things soon improve!
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Old 06-16-2016, 11:09 PM
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((( Hugs!!!!))))
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Old 06-17-2016, 08:19 AM
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Just letting you know I am here, reading this, supporting you.

Hugs hugs to you.
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Old 06-17-2016, 08:35 AM
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I am sorry for all the reasons of your vent. ((hugs)) It was a good sign your mom willingly went to be checked out at the hospital and hopefully the Dr’s will put her back on her meds.
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Old 06-17-2016, 03:18 PM
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Thank you so much all. When I looked at all your replies, I nearly cried.

Mom was good today. She had threatened never to speak to me again when I made the call yesterday, but today she was much better. She is resuming her meds, and I got to speak with her nurse and told her about some other complaints my mom has been having the past couple weeks. I felt like I was going behind her back but what can you do? I had to miss her last medical appointment due to work and I was just kicking myself repeatedly afterwards for not being there.

In regards to detaching with my sister, I have already done much detaching. I did think that my mom going to the hospital was a "must" communication, but I think I'm going to have to redraw my line.

Again, I'm so grateful for you all. When my mom's medical team told me that I had to call 911, I thought of everybody in SR who has had to make that same difficult call. I thought of everybody who has had the courage to state out loud, "This has got to stop," and took the steps to make it so.

So thank you.
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Old 06-17-2016, 09:06 PM
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Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart View Post
I felt like I was going behind her back but what can you do?
I am eternally grateful that my husband once loved me enough to go behind my back and talk to the doctor. ((((hugs))))

I'm glad your mom is doing better today and going back on her meds! Hang in there!
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Old 06-17-2016, 10:59 PM
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Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart View Post
She had threatened never to speak to me again when I made the call yesterday, but today she was much better.
"I love you enough to let you hate me."

I read that when I first came here and it's thankfully stuck with me.
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