Relapsed..need support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 202
Relapsed..need support
I posted this in my June class, but am also posting it here because I feel like I need all the support & advice I can get right now. Thanks in advance for your help everyone.
"I hate even posting this. But I'm starting over. Day 1 again.
My new apartment was A LOT smaller than expected & a lot less "homey" than I remembered. I now find myself having to get rid of A LOT of stuff. I have not accumulated much, but the things I do have matter. My grandmother's keepsakes. Furniture my grandfather built. Crafting supplies to aid in my recovery. Memories. I had already whittled it down knowing that this was coming and now I have to even cut that in half. Where to even start?
Gratitude. Positivity. I know gratitude & positivity are huge in recovery & I AM grateful. It's a safe neighborhood. It's affordable. Close to work. Nice amenities. A roof over my head. Supportive people in my life. I know it will all be ok. But there is such a thing as realism too. It is not what I expected, I feel claustrophobic, I have to get rid of stuff that matters. Fear of how this is going to affect my recovery. That is excruciatingly depressing!
It all got to me last night and after fighting it for hours, I caved to my AV. I learned though. 1. I was starving. I know from experience that hunger is a trigger. 2. I didn't call anybody/express my true feelings. I have such a bad habit of wanting the world to think that everything is perfect. Even now in my recovery, I feel like I have to put on a face like everything's good and I'm moving in the right direction. I know I can't do that anymore...it sets me up for failure.
Hope I wasn't too much of a "debbie downer", just wanted to come here and post and get it all out so this doesn't turn into a spiral/binge like it normally does. Getting back on the horse. Here's to Day 1.
Congrats to everyone on making it another day. Hope everyone has a great day
"
"I hate even posting this. But I'm starting over. Day 1 again.
My new apartment was A LOT smaller than expected & a lot less "homey" than I remembered. I now find myself having to get rid of A LOT of stuff. I have not accumulated much, but the things I do have matter. My grandmother's keepsakes. Furniture my grandfather built. Crafting supplies to aid in my recovery. Memories. I had already whittled it down knowing that this was coming and now I have to even cut that in half. Where to even start?
Gratitude. Positivity. I know gratitude & positivity are huge in recovery & I AM grateful. It's a safe neighborhood. It's affordable. Close to work. Nice amenities. A roof over my head. Supportive people in my life. I know it will all be ok. But there is such a thing as realism too. It is not what I expected, I feel claustrophobic, I have to get rid of stuff that matters. Fear of how this is going to affect my recovery. That is excruciatingly depressing!
It all got to me last night and after fighting it for hours, I caved to my AV. I learned though. 1. I was starving. I know from experience that hunger is a trigger. 2. I didn't call anybody/express my true feelings. I have such a bad habit of wanting the world to think that everything is perfect. Even now in my recovery, I feel like I have to put on a face like everything's good and I'm moving in the right direction. I know I can't do that anymore...it sets me up for failure.
Hope I wasn't too much of a "debbie downer", just wanted to come here and post and get it all out so this doesn't turn into a spiral/binge like it normally does. Getting back on the horse. Here's to Day 1.
Congrats to everyone on making it another day. Hope everyone has a great day
"
Guest
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 177
"You never fail until you stop trying."
You're here - trying - today. That means you've been given another chance to beat this thing.
It's not easy. But I would like to think that if we are learning from our mistakes then we are growing somewhere along the way.
Another thing to add to your list of things to be grateful for, I think!
You're here - trying - today. That means you've been given another chance to beat this thing.
It's not easy. But I would like to think that if we are learning from our mistakes then we are growing somewhere along the way.
Another thing to add to your list of things to be grateful for, I think!
under new management
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Calgary, Alberta
Posts: 2,339
(((GAHaley)))
Is there anyone who could store your valuable keepsakes/furniture? I have a lot of family items, writing, pictures, etc, that I treasure so I know how painful it would be to have to part with any of it.
Your circumstances will not always be as they are now, I hope you can find a way to keep your treasures.
Day 1, back on the horse and onward ho!!!
Is there anyone who could store your valuable keepsakes/furniture? I have a lot of family items, writing, pictures, etc, that I treasure so I know how painful it would be to have to part with any of it.
Your circumstances will not always be as they are now, I hope you can find a way to keep your treasures.
Day 1, back on the horse and onward ho!!!
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
A good idea would be writing up a plan to stick to
Reaching out is vital this is your life and no man is an island
Revise or structure a recovery plan & reach out forget your old way of thinking and realise your worth it
Reaching out is vital this is your life and no man is an island
Revise or structure a recovery plan & reach out forget your old way of thinking and realise your worth it
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'm glad that you learned from that. It's tough in the beginning to actually pay attention to what's going on behind the feelings we are having. Being hungry. Being sad. Being thirsty. I never used to listen to what my body was telling me.
I have a bunch of my grandmother's stuff and other family and personal memorabilia so I understand that it's hard to just dump it all. Equally hard to house it in a small apartment. Can you afford a small storage locker? I think some of them aren't too costly. Then you can gradually go through your stuff to figure out what you want to keep and what you can let go of.
Hang in there.
I have a bunch of my grandmother's stuff and other family and personal memorabilia so I understand that it's hard to just dump it all. Equally hard to house it in a small apartment. Can you afford a small storage locker? I think some of them aren't too costly. Then you can gradually go through your stuff to figure out what you want to keep and what you can let go of.
Hang in there.
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