Re-posting members old threads.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 177
Re-posting members old threads.
If we are truly alcoholics and addicts, caught up in the insanity of this disease and all of it's peculiar mental twists, then relapse after swearing never to drink again is kind of a normal thing that we have all probably been through - right?
Sometimes when I read threads about people who have relapsed and are suffering... and then I see another member re-posting their previous threads (in the comments) about previous attempts to quick/swear off drinking... I feel like it almost comes off a little condescending in a way. Like throwing it back in their face almost. "Look - you've said this before". Like - duh - that's exactly what makes us addict/alcoholic.
I think I would personally be like... "Yeesh.... It's not like I don't already know I've sworn it off a million times before and been unable to succeed. Isn't the important thing that I'm back, posting, looking for help right now???"
And if we truly can't change the past, and we truly only have today, then what's the point in re-posting our old threads on our current threads and issues?
Maybe I'm actually missing it and it's actually helping some people. Or maybe it's like kicking somebody when they are down instead of giving them some hope while they're hurting?
Or maybe I should mind my own freaking business, because this hasn't even happened to me, I've just noticed it happening to other members. LOL!
Again, hopefully not going to start an argument over this. These are just my own personal thoughts this morning.
Happy 24 all!
Sometimes when I read threads about people who have relapsed and are suffering... and then I see another member re-posting their previous threads (in the comments) about previous attempts to quick/swear off drinking... I feel like it almost comes off a little condescending in a way. Like throwing it back in their face almost. "Look - you've said this before". Like - duh - that's exactly what makes us addict/alcoholic.
I think I would personally be like... "Yeesh.... It's not like I don't already know I've sworn it off a million times before and been unable to succeed. Isn't the important thing that I'm back, posting, looking for help right now???"
And if we truly can't change the past, and we truly only have today, then what's the point in re-posting our old threads on our current threads and issues?
Maybe I'm actually missing it and it's actually helping some people. Or maybe it's like kicking somebody when they are down instead of giving them some hope while they're hurting?
Or maybe I should mind my own freaking business, because this hasn't even happened to me, I've just noticed it happening to other members. LOL!
Again, hopefully not going to start an argument over this. These are just my own personal thoughts this morning.
Happy 24 all!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 980
That happened to me in the past. I immediately was PO''d and felt judged and unsafe. After stepping back and thinking about things I was gently reminded that the post brought up was from 6 months ago and that nothing had changed for me. Maybe it was time I think about changing some things. IDK, I get what you're saying though.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 177
I know what you mean, for sure. But had you forgotten that nothing had changed with your relapse? I'm sure you felt like a bag of crap at the moment, defeated, beaten down, etc. or at least that's how I feel every time.
I mean, I know I've been at this for years and have been largely unsuccessful. I feel like a huge failure about it constantly.
Somebody else re-posting my own threads making sure I remember that I was unsuccessful in my attempts (again) isn't going to help me.
Somebody telling me what actually WORKED for them might help me.
Somebody giving me a little bit of hope might INSPIRE me.
But again - I could be way off base and others may find it helpful! That's why I was curious
I mean, I know I've been at this for years and have been largely unsuccessful. I feel like a huge failure about it constantly.
Somebody else re-posting my own threads making sure I remember that I was unsuccessful in my attempts (again) isn't going to help me.
Somebody telling me what actually WORKED for them might help me.
Somebody giving me a little bit of hope might INSPIRE me.
But again - I could be way off base and others may find it helpful! That's why I was curious
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I don't believe it's condescension... I believe it's important. I believe that our OWN words and experiences are our best teacher.
I myself had many warnings and pieces of advice throughout my life - but it was only the things I'd actually done, experienced, lived through and learned from that ultimately led me to change.
Being reminded of one's own previous words may not feel good.... but it does have impact.
I myself had many warnings and pieces of advice throughout my life - but it was only the things I'd actually done, experienced, lived through and learned from that ultimately led me to change.
Being reminded of one's own previous words may not feel good.... but it does have impact.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
when i look back at my own stuff, which is in some long-ago journal in handwriting, i can see how it was, and how i was then.
sure it can come off as condescending to re-post what someone has said previously.
but so often we shove away memory or awareness of REALITY and patterns when trying to get and stay sober....it wasn't til the reality really hit me deep down that i could turn around and stay sober.
sure it can come off as condescending to re-post what someone has said previously.
but so often we shove away memory or awareness of REALITY and patterns when trying to get and stay sober....it wasn't til the reality really hit me deep down that i could turn around and stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 202
I have felt the same exact way when I see people bring up people's past posts before. I can look in the mirror if I want to be reminded of all the times I have tried and failed...I don't need anybody to remind me. I think we are all looking for support and advice here. I know that there are a lot of people on here that have substantial time in recovery and I am trying to soak up everything I can from them. And then there are people like me who are struggling to make 1 month and I learn and gain strength from them too. While I have not doubt that the people that do this have good intentions, I personally feel like it takes a little more time to know somebody to know if that is going to be helpful for them or not, so why even go there? Just my two cents...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Well, my take on it is that there are two kinds of people in the world. Victims and Succeeders.
Saying, "I can't do it because blah blah blah," is coming from a Victim viewpoint. Of course anyone can quit drinking. Anyone.
I think it's good to have our words challenged. I learn a lot when my little feelings get hurted. I may be angry at the time, but there is always truth to be found in others' words.
Saying, "I can't do it because blah blah blah," is coming from a Victim viewpoint. Of course anyone can quit drinking. Anyone.
I think it's good to have our words challenged. I learn a lot when my little feelings get hurted. I may be angry at the time, but there is always truth to be found in others' words.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 177
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Well, my take on it is that there are two kinds of people in the world. Victims and Succeeders.
Saying, "I can't do it because blah blah blah," is coming from a Victim viewpoint. Of course anyone can quit drinking. Anyone.
I think it's good to have our words challenged. I learn a lot when my little feelings get hurted. I may be angry at the time, but there is always truth to be found in others' words.
Saying, "I can't do it because blah blah blah," is coming from a Victim viewpoint. Of course anyone can quit drinking. Anyone.
I think it's good to have our words challenged. I learn a lot when my little feelings get hurted. I may be angry at the time, but there is always truth to be found in others' words.
What makes them alcoholics at all then?
I thought alcoholics were people who actually cannot stop drinking on their own willpower without help and recovery?
Just trying to understand!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Yes. The way I stopped being sick and started Recovery was to stop putting alcohol in my mouth.
In the end, all the "help" in the world cannot do any good if that part isn't the starting point. I quit on my own. Yes, I did a lot of reading and I even went to some AA meetings, but it was me who stopped putting it in my mouth. I am free to go back to it at any time or not at all.
I'm the only one who has any say over what I drink, right?
In the end, all the "help" in the world cannot do any good if that part isn't the starting point. I quit on my own. Yes, I did a lot of reading and I even went to some AA meetings, but it was me who stopped putting it in my mouth. I am free to go back to it at any time or not at all.
I'm the only one who has any say over what I drink, right?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
people quit when they had enough... I did... I also don't subscribe to the helpless diseased alcoholic principal... I knew I needed to quit, and I did.
never looked back - meaning I never worried about a relapse because I was done, finished, over...
never looked back - meaning I never worried about a relapse because I was done, finished, over...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I think it's important - even for newcomers or relapsers - to bear in mind that "being supportive" doesn't always mean "not confronting a person's own self-defeating behaviors and logic".
More than once around here, my own comments and those of others have been censored. I understand the reasons for it.... but I also strongly believe that a part of the role we must play for one another in recovery is that of mirroring what we see. That isn't always comfortable. That isn't always 'welcoming'. That doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy......
BUT IT IS SUPPORTIVE.
Support doesn't mean enabling.
Support - in recovery - means helping one another recovery.
Sometimes, that means being honest, frank and challenging - though even that can be done in a caring way.
More than once around here, my own comments and those of others have been censored. I understand the reasons for it.... but I also strongly believe that a part of the role we must play for one another in recovery is that of mirroring what we see. That isn't always comfortable. That isn't always 'welcoming'. That doesn't always feel warm and fuzzy......
BUT IT IS SUPPORTIVE.
Support doesn't mean enabling.
Support - in recovery - means helping one another recovery.
Sometimes, that means being honest, frank and challenging - though even that can be done in a caring way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
I'm with Bim and Free Owl.
That said, a lot depends on how a message is delivered. If an old post is reposted with some sensitivity and add words of encouragement, that helps. I've seen many like that. I think they are frank but helpful.
I've also seen, from time to time, a few that seem to be lacking in support or kind words.
Words matter.
That said, a lot depends on how a message is delivered. If an old post is reposted with some sensitivity and add words of encouragement, that helps. I've seen many like that. I think they are frank but helpful.
I've also seen, from time to time, a few that seem to be lacking in support or kind words.
Words matter.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
This is a very common subject that comes up quite often around here. And just like anything, there's no "cut and dry" answer. We cannot dwell on the past of course, but we also cannot ever simply forget that it happened. We must all learn from our mistakes, and that's not just a sobriety related issue.
Support comes in all shapes and sizes, and some people respond to more direct support, others do not. What's great about SR is that you will get all kinds - it's a very open community with people from all around the world and from every possible sobriety program.
Please keep in mind that if you do find a particular post offensive, you can always report it to the moderators or also use the ignore feature if a particular user has ideas or concepts that you do not agree with.
Support comes in all shapes and sizes, and some people respond to more direct support, others do not. What's great about SR is that you will get all kinds - it's a very open community with people from all around the world and from every possible sobriety program.
Please keep in mind that if you do find a particular post offensive, you can always report it to the moderators or also use the ignore feature if a particular user has ideas or concepts that you do not agree with.
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Originally Posted by MissNewLife
So, alcoholics who keep relapsing and post about it are just "victim outlook" as opposed to sick people?
What makes them alcoholics at all then?
I thought alcoholics were people who actually cannot stop drinking on their own willpower without help and recovery?
Just trying to understand!
What makes them alcoholics at all then?
I thought alcoholics were people who actually cannot stop drinking on their own willpower without help and recovery?
Just trying to understand!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Edmonton
Posts: 177
Thanks everyone for clarifying for me!
I guess there are many different ways to view it and also getting sober isn't one-size-fits all.
We all bring a slightly different mindset to the table.... and it's up to us to figure out what helps, what works, and try and put the rest aside.
Just was on my mind so I thought I'd post about it.
I guess there are many different ways to view it and also getting sober isn't one-size-fits all.
We all bring a slightly different mindset to the table.... and it's up to us to figure out what helps, what works, and try and put the rest aside.
Just was on my mind so I thought I'd post about it.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by MissNewLife
Somebody telling me what actually WORKED for them might help me.
Somebody giving me a little bit of hope might INSPIRE me.
Somebody giving me a little bit of hope might INSPIRE me.
...that's why I don't mind being the annoying one sometimes.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I think it can sometimes be a very useful reminder to someone on the verge of going back out because they've forgotten all the reasons that they had for stopping. When they start romanticising alcohol, and forgetting the bleak reality of it for them. Ideally they'd think back and remember themselves, but if not, I suppose I'd rather risk them feeling a bit peeved at me for sending them a timely reminder in their own words than them go back out.
I don't think this is the kind of thing you necessarily mean though, but it's pretty much the only thing I've seen people referring others back to their own old posts for on here. Presumably I missed seeing the thread you're thinking about.
I don't think this is the kind of thing you necessarily mean though, but it's pretty much the only thing I've seen people referring others back to their own old posts for on here. Presumably I missed seeing the thread you're thinking about.
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