LoveMeNow

I was so guilty of this! As much as I used to fear the future, I was always talking and thinking about the past. The way he used to be, the way I used to be, the way we once were. Agonizing over all the red flags I ignored, angry about my own denial for so long! Lots of resentments from past hurts, etc!

Today I try very hard to enjoy today and live one day at a time.

Is living in the past a typical Codie way of thinking....living in the past?? I am not sure if I have ever read about it before???

AnvilheadII

a codie trait is to live ANYWHERE but in the present....either romanticizing the past when it was all good or fantasizing about the future that MAY be some day, if only.............

honeypig

Oh, LMN, living in the past (or the future) is not only a codie trait but a human trait! Just try googling the words in the title of your thread here and see how much you come up with. Try clicking on "images"--I bet you'll find some lovely ones that you could use for a desktop on your computer or otherwise save somewhere to look at as a reminder...

Kboys

I am so guilty of this as well!!
I think I'm getting a bit better about it... a little at a time, but I have DRIVEN MYSELF CRAZY at times with all of my regrets particularly around my AH's cheating. So many things I wish I would have done differently at the time I found out about it, and while it was going on. And all the abuse I put up with for so long...
I obsessed over it for a long time, and it did me no good.
I would fantasize all the time, (still do sometimes, if I'm honest) about going back in time, like in one of those cheesy movies that I love, and just waking up one day and being in the past, but knowing everything that I know now... all the things I would do differently....

Eauchiche

Thanks so much for this thread. I have read somewhere else that active alcoholics are very good at forgetting the past and us with it. Perhaps this is something useful we can learn from them.

AnvilheadII

for exactly that reason.....to avoid being in the present......to be able to pretend it "isn't that bad" or "it's just a bad patch" and soon as you know, it will ALL be sunshine and unicorns again.

wishful thinking. denial. fear. inadequate childhoods. not wanting to QUIT. belief that LOVE, love will keep us together......

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QNEf9oGw8o

because we ALL want that.....

HopingForCure

This is so true! Any time my ex and I talk and I get angry and start reminding him of why we are not together and how all those times he lied to me about drinking, he starts talking about those very few times when he was actually sober and did not lie to me. He says I am negative and I like drama. Doesn't realize that he is the cause of this drama.