back2thegoodME

I am trying to get sober. My bf of 4 years is not and will never (since he claims doesnt have a "problem"). We have rental agreement, expires in December. cost is 2 months rent to break lease. Last weekend was the worst fight and name calling I will never forget. I almost went to find a new place to live over the weekend although was suckered back into the relationship, convinced that things that were said and done was because we were drunk. although the next morning, I was still being called names in the light of day. Told some friends I need out and they cant understand why because he is such a nice good guy. They dont see when he is not, but I am convinced it is all my fault anyways, that I drive him to that point. He doesnt want me to move out. I want to. But I feel bad leaving him with having to pay the full rent until expired or until he breaks it. I need out though, my dog is terrified also. I know it wont get any better, been like this for 3 years. Has anyone left and broken a lease (without guilt) because of drunken fights?

doggonecarl

If getting away will get you sober, I say do it.

I see the situation has changed with you and your boyfriend. In earlier posts you were worried that being sober would drive your bf away, so that's why you drank. So again, if leaving will get you sober, leave.

Upward2Enlightenment

You have to do what is best for you, both physically and emotionally. If that means breaking a lease, so be it.

Venecia

Leave. Verbal abuse is not acceptable under any circumstances. The fact that your dog is frightened by this guy is disconcerting, too.

A change of living conditions will not, in and of itself, create a sober life for you. That takes work. But if you are in a safer place, it seems like you'll be in a more positive place to do that work.

Babescake

If you have the funds to break the lease and pay your aspect of it AND you want to leave him, then go for it. Especially if he doesn't support you while trying to be sober. If you look at some of my past posts, I also have a verbally abusive spouse, but much of that is partly my fault from continuing drinking while he doesn't have a problem.

Even with me being the problem, that is STILL no excuse for my spouse to talk to me the way he does/did (if I must be culpable for my actions despite everything, so must he). Same way in your case. He chooses/chose to talk to you that way. You don't deserve it period. It doesn't matter the situation, and the fact you stated you were both drunk tends to make me think he isn't good for you anyway.

Don't feel guilty. Take care of you. Just don't leave him in the lurch with money (meaning you give the proper notice or pay the difference needed as you stated), and then I think you should be in the clear.

Good luck with becoming sober and taking care of YOU.

AdelineRose

Your sobriety and your mental and physical well being are more important then EVERYTHING. You need to do whatever is best for YOU no matter what the cost.

Also, it doesn't matter whether everyone thinks he is an amazing guy. All that matters is that you know that you are no longer finding that the two of you are compatible and that you are unhappy. Verbal abuse is just as serious as physical abuse, and no you are not the cause of it. He would be verbally abusive no matter what you do or say and it doesn't matter if alcohol or drugs were involved. It is NEVER acceptable- no matter what the circumstances.

If you break the lease I would change your phone number and make sure that he has no way of contacting you. It sounds like he isn't going to just let go and let things be, so it is better for your own well being if you just make it where he can't reach out to you and try to drag you back into an unhealthy environment.

Stay strong, you can do this!

sugarbear1

Check where you live, in Maryland, there is a clause that has Domestic Violence as an "okay" for breaking a lease, but I don't know if you have to file charges or what to break your lease. Maybe a restraining order?

Jsbodhi

I'd leave xoxo

Anna

Time to leave. Abuse of any kind is never okay, ever! You and your dog deserve a peaceful life. Make a call and get the help and information you need to move and be safe.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | Abuse Defined

The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support (US)

chrcarlson

Loud drunken arguments are one step from getting physical. Went it comes down to it you are the only one responsible for taking care of you. Do what you think best for your sobriety, safety and peace of mind. If you can't figure it out ask the little dog-he seems to have great instinct.

Chuck39

This thread is full of good advice, please take it, and find yourself another place to live. If you are scared of that, tell yourself a white lie that maybe you can work on your relationship later, but right now, you and the bf cannot live together. Once you get out of the living situation, you can focus on you, which needs to be your number one priority. And the pup of course ... an innocent victim in all this.

chrcarlson

Sage Council

Soberwolf

This