Left Rehab Facility
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Left Rehab Facility
So, I am a bit confused. My MIL went away to a treatment facility that treats the whole mind type place. She left on Thursday. She is an alcoholic. She picked this place because her counselor said she has another patient go there who was similar to her and had great success.
Anyway, this is all second hand info. She is back home. She called my DH yesterday and said they had her take some drug to make her sleep for 24 hours and then said she couldn't take Xanax. She said they never told her she couldn't take it and the doctor I commented on how she was taking so little anyway. Well, according to DH she left because they said she couldn't take Xanax and told them she doesn't have a problem with Xanax but is there to get help with alcoholism and coping/treating it. So she left. DH said she left because they never told her about this drug that would make her sleep for 24 hours and that she couldn't take Xanax. She said she is so upset that they didn't tell be any of this and DH agrees that it is horrible how they didn't tell her any of this upfront. So I guess they released her and she fell at the airport and some people helped her up.
DH has a very enmeshed/codependent relationship with her. And has been an enabler. Not with alcohol but for anything she wants to make her happy.
She has been to a couple of treatment places locally over the past years. It just seems odd and am just curious is this typical? I am just wondering if we are not getting the whole story and maybe she didn't really want to go and was looking for her first excuse to leave? Maybe she wasn't ready to get treatment but maybe this place was horrible and lied to her. I know there are two sides to every story and wondering if we are getting the whole story.
I understand that I can't control what she does and am not trying to, more, I am just trying to figure out if this is typical or if she could be not telling the whole story.
Anyway, this is all second hand info. She is back home. She called my DH yesterday and said they had her take some drug to make her sleep for 24 hours and then said she couldn't take Xanax. She said they never told her she couldn't take it and the doctor I commented on how she was taking so little anyway. Well, according to DH she left because they said she couldn't take Xanax and told them she doesn't have a problem with Xanax but is there to get help with alcoholism and coping/treating it. So she left. DH said she left because they never told her about this drug that would make her sleep for 24 hours and that she couldn't take Xanax. She said she is so upset that they didn't tell be any of this and DH agrees that it is horrible how they didn't tell her any of this upfront. So I guess they released her and she fell at the airport and some people helped her up.
DH has a very enmeshed/codependent relationship with her. And has been an enabler. Not with alcohol but for anything she wants to make her happy.
She has been to a couple of treatment places locally over the past years. It just seems odd and am just curious is this typical? I am just wondering if we are not getting the whole story and maybe she didn't really want to go and was looking for her first excuse to leave? Maybe she wasn't ready to get treatment but maybe this place was horrible and lied to her. I know there are two sides to every story and wondering if we are getting the whole story.
I understand that I can't control what she does and am not trying to, more, I am just trying to figure out if this is typical or if she could be not telling the whole story.
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Originally Posted by PolkaDotFever 
She is back home. She called my DH yesterday and said they had her take some drug to make her sleep for 24 hours and then said she couldn't take Xanax.
When one goes into treatment
we tell them everything regarding what we are taking or drinking
and then we let the (professionals) make our best decisions for us.
MB
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Sounds like she's making excuses. Treatment is tough and if the addict isn't ready it aint gonna work.
I have left many a treatment center. Probably 5 times. One time I left in the middle of the night, sub zero temps, lugging a suitcase around the small town of Gooding, Idaho with no where to go. Yes they let me do this. A cop picked me up, was nice enough to drive me to a small hotel where I got a room. Called a cab, went to the store, bought a box of wine, got wasted. Pretty insane huh?
I have left many a treatment center. Probably 5 times. One time I left in the middle of the night, sub zero temps, lugging a suitcase around the small town of Gooding, Idaho with no where to go. Yes they let me do this. A cop picked me up, was nice enough to drive me to a small hotel where I got a room. Called a cab, went to the store, bought a box of wine, got wasted. Pretty insane huh?
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Okay. I was thinking that was the case. Something seemed odd. But DH is "blaming" the rehab facility for lying to her.
And when I mentioned this to him earlier today as an option, he said that it isn't true. But that she does need help. I hate all of the problems this has caused for my family and marriage but sometimes it feels like it considering how enmeshed and codependent he is. I feel so bad for those who are married to alcoholics.
And when I mentioned this to him earlier today as an option, he said that it isn't true. But that she does need help. I hate all of the problems this has caused for my family and marriage but sometimes it feels like it considering how enmeshed and codependent he is. I feel so bad for those who are married to alcoholics.
Last edited by PolkaDotFever; 06-14-2016 at 07:45 AM. Reason: Add comment
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Originally Posted by SmallButMighty
I echo what everyone else said, she isn't ready to recover.
Not from alcohol OR Xanax. ( Benzos are very addictive, especially for alcoholics)
Not from alcohol OR Xanax. ( Benzos are very addictive, especially for alcoholics)
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I think it's REALLY common for a person who goes into rehab to try and find a reason to leave. Any reason at all b/c they are desperate to leave but need to blame someone else for doing so.
I have never heard of a rehab giving any drug that will make you sleep 24 hours. I do know that it's quite common for them to take away all substances, including Xanax, which is a widely abused benzo and highly addictive.
I would say you are definitely not getting the entire story, but how much does that change things?
Hugs. I know it's hard.
I have never heard of a rehab giving any drug that will make you sleep 24 hours. I do know that it's quite common for them to take away all substances, including Xanax, which is a widely abused benzo and highly addictive.
I would say you are definitely not getting the entire story, but how much does that change things?
Hugs. I know it's hard.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I think it's REALLY common for a person who goes into rehab to try and find a reason to leave. Any reason at all b/c they are desperate to leave but need to blame someone else for doing so.
I have never heard of a rehab giving any drug that will make you sleep 24 hours. I do know that it's quite common for them to take away all substances, including Xanax, which is a widely abused benzo and highly addictive.
I would say you are definitely not getting the entire story, but how much does that change things?
Hugs. I know it's hard.
I have never heard of a rehab giving any drug that will make you sleep 24 hours. I do know that it's quite common for them to take away all substances, including Xanax, which is a widely abused benzo and highly addictive.
I would say you are definitely not getting the entire story, but how much does that change things?
Hugs. I know it's hard.
I guess it doesn't change things. Was looking for a break for us to focus on putting out lives back together and setting boundaries and consequences while she was away , supposedly getting better.
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I think addiction is addiction and not just limited to alcohol. Pills, shopping, spending money, all of those things can become in excess for someone with an addictive personality. Many alcoholics end up addicted to pills, over spend, gamble……….whatever the next high becomes.
Picture rehab like a car wash………you can’t just ask for ½ the outside of the car to get clean.
I think her codependent enabling daughter needs help in understanding what addiction is really all about so that she is not limited in her sight of only thinking her mother has a problem with booze…….that’s how the addict thinks and the enabler programed to believe it.
I would suggest to her daughter/you or anyone involved to research addiction learn as much as you can about the disease. Al-anon meetings for loved ones/family can also become a great benefit.
Picture rehab like a car wash………you can’t just ask for ½ the outside of the car to get clean.
I think her codependent enabling daughter needs help in understanding what addiction is really all about so that she is not limited in her sight of only thinking her mother has a problem with booze…….that’s how the addict thinks and the enabler programed to believe it.
I would suggest to her daughter/you or anyone involved to research addiction learn as much as you can about the disease. Al-anon meetings for loved ones/family can also become a great benefit.
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Originally Posted by atalose
I think addiction is addiction and not just limited to alcohol. Pills, shopping, spending money, all of those things can become in excess for someone with an addictive personality. Many alcoholics end up addicted to pills, over spend, gamble……….whatever the next high becomes.
Picture rehab like a car wash………you can’t just ask for ½ the outside of the car to get clean.
I think her codependent enabling daughter needs help in understanding what addiction is really all about so that she is not limited in her sight of only thinking her mother has a problem with booze…….that’s how the addict thinks and the enabler programed to believe it.
I would suggest to her daughter/you or anyone involved to research addiction learn as much as you can about the disease. Al-anon meetings for loved ones/family can also become a great benefit.
Picture rehab like a car wash………you can’t just ask for ½ the outside of the car to get clean.
I think her codependent enabling daughter needs help in understanding what addiction is really all about so that she is not limited in her sight of only thinking her mother has a problem with booze…….that’s how the addict thinks and the enabler programed to believe it.
I would suggest to her daughter/you or anyone involved to research addiction learn as much as you can about the disease. Al-anon meetings for loved ones/family can also become a great benefit.
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PDF,
So now that MIL is showing you who she is, believe her!! Alcoholics are liars and she is also. There is an old saying on SR "Trying to talk with someone who is in love with an alcoholic, is often like trying to talk with the alcoholic, himself. They just aren't ready to listen." (husband)
You once again you need to set up your boundaries on what is acceptable and not acceptable. After your MIL calling baby PDF a liar, I don't blame you for not wanting contact with her. She is a very sick women and needs help. This will become a battle of the wills with you and the addict and the enabler. You are there to protect your child. Boundaries are to protect us/our kids, not to punish or restrict the addict/enabler.
Example.... she is an addict and chooses no recovery plan. She is not welcome around you or your daughter....Your husband has enabled his mother his whole life so expecting any support from him is non existent. If you state something you have to follow through with what you want. You can not give in. MIL is once again playing her games and everyone plays along.
I read here a while back on the A forum. " It was the best thing my wife ever did, was throw me out to the curb". Protect yourself PDF, that's all we can do!!
Sending hugs my friend
p.s. alcoholics are not harmless!!! Tell him to read each and every thread on this forum. Then he can talk about harmless. He needs help as he is an unhealthy codependent son who does nothing to help his mom. He enablers her to continue to be sick!! Truly sad!!
So now that MIL is showing you who she is, believe her!! Alcoholics are liars and she is also. There is an old saying on SR "Trying to talk with someone who is in love with an alcoholic, is often like trying to talk with the alcoholic, himself. They just aren't ready to listen." (husband)
You once again you need to set up your boundaries on what is acceptable and not acceptable. After your MIL calling baby PDF a liar, I don't blame you for not wanting contact with her. She is a very sick women and needs help. This will become a battle of the wills with you and the addict and the enabler. You are there to protect your child. Boundaries are to protect us/our kids, not to punish or restrict the addict/enabler.
Example.... she is an addict and chooses no recovery plan. She is not welcome around you or your daughter....Your husband has enabled his mother his whole life so expecting any support from him is non existent. If you state something you have to follow through with what you want. You can not give in. MIL is once again playing her games and everyone plays along.
I read here a while back on the A forum. " It was the best thing my wife ever did, was throw me out to the curb". Protect yourself PDF, that's all we can do!!
Sending hugs my friend
p.s. alcoholics are not harmless!!! Tell him to read each and every thread on this forum. Then he can talk about harmless. He needs help as he is an unhealthy codependent son who does nothing to help his mom. He enablers her to continue to be sick!! Truly sad!!
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First off, anyone who mixes benzos w/alcohol is not harmless. I know this first hand, research that.
I can share that when my X went to treatment, they initially took away his Xanax and put him into detox for a week. He then saw a physician off site, who called the rehab and said that he needs to be on Xanax. They also called and spoke with his physician at home who had prescribed it. Then they put him back on it.
Ultimately, my X is a candidate for Xanax in that he has issues he needs to take it for. However, mixing it with alcohol turns him into a different person, and he blacks out. It's very scary, and it does not take much alcohol for it to happen.
So really it depends on if they were taking it away or not. Each rehab is different.
That being said, if someone wants true recovery, they are willing to do anything to get themselves there, they don't walk out, under any circumstance.
And yes, Xanax acts on the same receptors in the brain as does alcohol.
There is nothing you can really do about her, or your husband's denial. Focus on your own detatchment and education so you are best prepared when and if this escalates.
I can share that when my X went to treatment, they initially took away his Xanax and put him into detox for a week. He then saw a physician off site, who called the rehab and said that he needs to be on Xanax. They also called and spoke with his physician at home who had prescribed it. Then they put him back on it.
Ultimately, my X is a candidate for Xanax in that he has issues he needs to take it for. However, mixing it with alcohol turns him into a different person, and he blacks out. It's very scary, and it does not take much alcohol for it to happen.
So really it depends on if they were taking it away or not. Each rehab is different.
That being said, if someone wants true recovery, they are willing to do anything to get themselves there, they don't walk out, under any circumstance.
And yes, Xanax acts on the same receptors in the brain as does alcohol.
There is nothing you can really do about her, or your husband's denial. Focus on your own detatchment and education so you are best prepared when and if this escalates.
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about the only part of her "story" that can be believed is the one fact - SHE LEFT.
i'm sorry your DH is so enmeshed with his mother - that isn't something you can just break thru, or even expect to simply be fixed by a dash of awareness on his part. his "disease" is as strong and impenetrable as hers. and until he seeks help for himself, it won't go away. and with a small child to protect from it all, that could get ugly.........
i'm sorry your DH is so enmeshed with his mother - that isn't something you can just break thru, or even expect to simply be fixed by a dash of awareness on his part. his "disease" is as strong and impenetrable as hers. and until he seeks help for himself, it won't go away. and with a small child to protect from it all, that could get ugly.........
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I'm sorry I said daughter then it's your husband, totally misread that. Denial runs deep, it protects one from the hurt/pain of a reality they are not ready to face yet. Maybe as her disease progress's your husband will "get it".
I think all you can do at this point is protect your child by not leaving her alone with her at all.
I think all you can do at this point is protect your child by not leaving her alone with her at all.
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I think this is a situation you may not know exactly what happened. Couple things I I know.....Xanax cannot just be stopped. Its dangerous to do so if she has been taking it a long time. Often Depakote (and others) is given to curb withdrawal from xanax which could induce a lot of sleep and grogginess. A taper is the best approach IMO. A benzo addiction is usually a tougher withdrawal than alcohol.
I don't particularly care for psychotropic drugs to be used to curb withdrawal. I think a taper is the safest approach.
With all that said, your MIL should have done her research very thoroughly. She didn't. If she is committed to getting sober then she should be on the hunt for somewhere else. If not then......
I don't particularly care for psychotropic drugs to be used to curb withdrawal. I think a taper is the safest approach.
With all that said, your MIL should have done her research very thoroughly. She didn't. If she is committed to getting sober then she should be on the hunt for somewhere else. If not then......
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Simple answer-she's an addict doing what an addict does: lying and making excuses. Any lie or excuse will do.
Your hubs has a very seriously sick relationship with his mom. There is nothing YOU can do about that-but you CAN protect your child. From all of it.
Your hubs has a very seriously sick relationship with his mom. There is nothing YOU can do about that-but you CAN protect your child. From all of it.
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Your DH is as sick as his Mom, I'm afraid. He will continue to refuse to see it. Please protect your little one. (Btw, I'm guessing she got into her benzo's pronto upon her release hence her falling at the airport).
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Dr Peter Breggin has published a lot of info about xanax and alcohol.
For anyone who does not know who Dr Breggin is, have a read of his resume here ...
http://www.breggin.com/index.php?opt...task=view&id=1
Part of his article titled "Xanax Facts and Whitney Houston" here ...
Xanax Facts and Whitney Houston
... reads ...
Dr Breggin has a video titled "What Is Medication Spellbinding" in which he talks about xanax, which is here ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwIDfcc5Z3
The section starting at 4m 29s is very powerful - this link will take you straight to that part of the video ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwIDfcc5Z3w&t=4m29s
I have read a number of his books and it was an eye opening experience.
He has many more videos here ...
https://www.youtube.com/user/PeterBreggin/videos
For anyone who does not know who Dr Breggin is, have a read of his resume here ...
http://www.breggin.com/index.php?opt...task=view&id=1
Part of his article titled "Xanax Facts and Whitney Houston" here ...
Xanax Facts and Whitney Houston
... reads ...
"Xanax has been called "alcohol in a pill" because its effects are so similar to alcohol. However, as will be documented, Xanax can be far more dangerous than alcohol. It should not be prescribed to patients with alcohol problems, because it becomes a powerful impetus for alcohol abuse."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwIDfcc5Z3
The section starting at 4m 29s is very powerful - this link will take you straight to that part of the video ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwIDfcc5Z3w&t=4m29s
I have read a number of his books and it was an eye opening experience.
He has many more videos here ...
https://www.youtube.com/user/PeterBreggin/videos
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