Arpeggioh

Minutes ago, I posted this on my Class of May 2016 thread; it belongs here...

I just read this on another Newcomer thread:
"you probably have to decide to do something. not drinking is a negative activity."

Whoa...this is exactly where I am today, at six weeks sober...I've quit drinking, and my thoughts are constantly on other things I need to stop doing: eating sugar, smoking...all things I need to NOT do; I'm not doing anything different or positive, just worrying over things I should quit doing, and feeling lousy because I'm still doing them. Sober, yes; doing things, not so much...

I have no desire to drink, but I'm replacing that habit with over-eating and over-smoking; I'll be 55 next month, and my current routine is not conducive to long-term health, or even long-term life! So I'm left with two more things I should NOT do. I thought I was "allowed" my remaining bad habits because I'm still early in sobriety, and close friends and relatives support that concept...but I'm not happy with myself. I wonder, even if I quit smoking and lose 50 pounds, if I ever will be...

Ugh: sorry to be an Eeyore this morning! I guess I'm just finally learning the difference between sobriety and recovery, and this probably isn't the thread for sharing that; if I'm totally honest, I'll admit I didn't post it as a new thread in the Newcomers' section because I'd surely get great advice for actions that I don't feel like taking...in fact: (copy, paste)...have a good sober Monday, Mayflies! - Arp

LadyBlue0527

Right there with you on the over smoking and over eating.

As far as not drinking being a negative activity? It will be as negative as someone wants to make it. The less there is acceptance of not being able to drink the more negative an experience sobriety will be.

doggonecarl

First off, congrats on six weeks sober. Awesome!

Indeed, it's probably best to focus on staying sober in the early days of recovery. But as some point, recovery should move beyond the addiction itself and incorporate a whole mind/body wellness approach.

Easier said than done. But it can start as simply as incorporating some physical activity into our lives, such as walking, then perhaps an appointment with a registered Dietitian.

Set achievable goals. Accomplishing them might make you more happy with yourself.

Rar

Congratulations on your 6 weeks of sobriety. I hear you on 'over indulging' on other habits. I, too, am the same. Though I quit smoking, I do use the electronic cigarette and find myself chain puffing. eat too many carbohydrates though I'm a diabetic. Also, I've been depressed and haven't been exercising. I'm hoping it works itself out. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I understand because I'm there too.

entropy1964

Hey Arp

Good work on not drinking for 6 weeks. I'd have to see the OP because not drinking is not a negative activity. It actually isn't an activity at all...it's just 'not' putting alcohol, which is a beverage, into your body. Drinking isn't an activity...although I tried to make it one for a long time.

That being said, filling the void in my soul, my sense of self, is a big big part of recovery. It requires thought, choice and action. I guess that's the 'plan' that is talked of so much here and I suppose is somewhat individual to each addict. Replacing one addiction with other compulsive behaviors does nothing to deal with 'why' I compulse on substances. So the sooner you take action and choose different behaviors and coping mechanisms, the better off you are.

For me tackling my addictive thinking is step 1 (well step one being stop drinking I guess). I must be in a mind set of gratitude, acceptance and surrender. And this is a choice for me. Then put a strong schedule in place that is filled with positive, self affirming actions ( exercise, yoga, AA, gardening, hiking, creative outlets, counseling etc).

You can do this. Give yourself a huge atta-arp for quitting drinking.

hpdw

This is a good post Arp . Im with you on having other bad habits that we think are OK as long as we don't drink . Now that I have a month sober I need to work on some lifestyle changes , I'm trying but maybe need to try harder , got a bike but don't use it often enough , got a juicer ( somewhere lol ) , you know what I mean the tools are there just need a wee kick up the bum.

6 weeks is brilliant too .

Arpeggioh

I appreciate the replies, y'all...and nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings about "other stuff" on my plate (so to speak! Mmm, donuts...) in addition to my sobriety. I agree that very small goals every day will help.

Re: the comment about a "negative activity:" I believe that refers to always not doing something, as opposed to taking any action. I understood it immediately; I often imagine the conversation, "So, what did you do today?" "Um...I didn't drink!" "No, I mean, what did you do?" "Ummm...well...I didn't drink!!" I took it to mean the opposite of activity, not a bad activity. I'm sure that's how it was intended...thanks for asking!

freshstart57

Arp, i think you are closing in on a weighty truth. I understand what you meant. In fact, a recent post of yours, about music performance was closely related it would seem.

For me, the negative activity of not drinking created a space, and it was up to me to fill it.

Pick activities that provide an opportunity for growth, that require and develop mastery, and that improve your life, or that improve the lives of others.

Music has always been powerful for me, and I am part of several communities in different roles. I truly love them all.

Keep asking questions of others and of yourself. That is where the truth is-within.

Berrybean

Hi. The negativity remains with us as long as we keep that alcoholic mindset - looking for the next thing that will make us FEEL better. Recovery is about learning to just BE better. When we become and do what we feel, at the core of things is worthwhile and good, then we don't need to keep reaching for things that will make us feel better just for a bit. (That can be alcohol or drugs. Others can develop obsessions for people / relationships / sex/ porn / gambling / running / shopping. Anything that can give us a little buzz of satisfaction, which done to excess makes our lives unmanageable.) Often white-knuckling can lead to cross addiction as we attempt to just remove the offending Thing from our lives and do without it, not changing anything else.

You may have noticed people round here posting about recovery, and programs, and sobriety plans. These people are basically trying to change that focus from the negative Thing that made their life unmanageable, and putting alternative routines and strategies in place to help them be the people they want to be.

My first month sober was spent pretty much indoors Not Drinking. Developing festering resentments about everyone who was (selfishly lol) still going out drinking and just Leaving ME. I could easily have drowned in that pool of self-pity I poured out for myself. Thankfully after a month I did start going to meetings (AA). Not that I actually DID anything else that anyone suggested. But the meetings at least gave me hope, which kept me going for a while. Later, I realised that if I wanted the recovery that these people had, then I needed to DO what they DO. So I finally got a sponsor, asked lots of questions, let her guide me and dedicated myself to the monkey see monkey do, and personal soul searching that my 12-step work entailed. And THAT was when life looked brighter. In fact, I would go as far as to say that it was like a light coming on around step 5. And as long as I keep doing (daily) What I've learned from other recovering alcoholics who got well ahead of me, that light tends to stay on. That's not to say that life is always wonderful. But, I get to keep my new perspective on life, and see the positive rather than live alternately in my own little pocket of gloom or a tsunami of depression and anxiety.

Things get better.... if we stay sober, and continue to work on our recovery (in whatever form that works for us).

whiteturtle

This is actually kind of depressing to think about... For me, just the quitting drinking has been the extremely difficult and often feels near-impossible part. The idea that that in itself is not enough, and that there is an entire overhaul needed ahead of me, is so very daunting.

That seems like such a Millenial outlook, haha. I think, though, that my mind is either stuck in or still experiencing early sobriety, where it is overwhelmed and just needs to concentrate on not drinking today, and nothing else (I am currently a little over three weeks sober).

I completely see the trouble with replacing one addictive behavior with others, though. I have been drinking so much pop, and I am a dental hygienist who normally rarely has pop!! I'm worried about cavities and even diabetes, but my addictive mind keeps going with, "At least it's better than drinking, so it's okay." Kind of feels like when I was drinking... "Oh, you just accomplished a ton of housework, so drinking is okay since you DID something."

I understand what you mean about the not drinking being a negative activity... It's literally like an impression for a dental crown, which is a negative reproduction of the drilled away tooth in order to create the new crown to fill that space now made. It's not that it's anything technically bad/"negative," but it's a LACK of something that needs to be filled.

I am hoping I find the energy, mental and physical, to start to fill this void that not drinking has left. I really feel ya. I wish I had advice, but mostly thinking about it feels daunting and draining.