Scared for him? Don't know how to act around him?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 6
Scared for him? Don't know how to act around him?
My boyfriend first told me about his addiction 6 months ago.
We have been separated 6 months. He asked for the space from me for now to focus on recovery, and because I love him so much despite it being incredibly hard to let him go, I agreed to it. We stayed friends only talking occasionally.
He always cried apologizing to me for being a disappointment and feels so guilty around me. It breaks my heart because I always have to remind him that I don't think he is a horrible person at all.
Whenever I had the chance to text him I would text him a uplifting quote and tell him something good about himself. At first he seemed to love texting me and would text me a uplifting quote back and wanted me to tell him everything about how I was doing. Eventually he got very distant and would take days to respond to my texts. I took that as a sign that perhaps I need to stop talking to him for now and let him talk to me if he wants to? Was that smart?
Anyways I just watched a documentary on Netflix called, "Prescription Thugs" about people who are addicted to these drugs and just what they have to go through. It made me so depressed to think that he is going through the same right now. I have been crying for the last hour worried sick about my ex partner. Though I would love to see our relationship end up working out, my only wish is that he is able to live a long, happy life free from addiction. However I understand that addiction is a battle he will have to fight for the rest of his life.
I am so scared and worried for him? I just want someone to give me comfort and hope. Is it possible for him to be able to become in control of his addiction?
And what role should I play in his life? I am afraid if I talk to him, it will just make him sad since we are separated currently. Should I back out of his life or stay as a supportive friend? To be honest, I don't even know how to be a supportive friend. He tells me he still wants to be able to talk to me yet he acts so distant. Help?
I also feel I am tearing a part mentally. I feel I am in this bad place mentally where I am just sitting around waiting for him to take me back. What if it never happens?
We have been separated 6 months. He asked for the space from me for now to focus on recovery, and because I love him so much despite it being incredibly hard to let him go, I agreed to it. We stayed friends only talking occasionally.
He always cried apologizing to me for being a disappointment and feels so guilty around me. It breaks my heart because I always have to remind him that I don't think he is a horrible person at all.
Whenever I had the chance to text him I would text him a uplifting quote and tell him something good about himself. At first he seemed to love texting me and would text me a uplifting quote back and wanted me to tell him everything about how I was doing. Eventually he got very distant and would take days to respond to my texts. I took that as a sign that perhaps I need to stop talking to him for now and let him talk to me if he wants to? Was that smart?
Anyways I just watched a documentary on Netflix called, "Prescription Thugs" about people who are addicted to these drugs and just what they have to go through. It made me so depressed to think that he is going through the same right now. I have been crying for the last hour worried sick about my ex partner. Though I would love to see our relationship end up working out, my only wish is that he is able to live a long, happy life free from addiction. However I understand that addiction is a battle he will have to fight for the rest of his life.
I am so scared and worried for him? I just want someone to give me comfort and hope. Is it possible for him to be able to become in control of his addiction?
And what role should I play in his life? I am afraid if I talk to him, it will just make him sad since we are separated currently. Should I back out of his life or stay as a supportive friend? To be honest, I don't even know how to be a supportive friend. He tells me he still wants to be able to talk to me yet he acts so distant. Help?
I also feel I am tearing a part mentally. I feel I am in this bad place mentally where I am just sitting around waiting for him to take me back. What if it never happens?
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 36
Ok, just had a proper read through your post (I just replied to your post on my own thread!)
I suggest reading the sticky "6, 8, 10 times" on the forum, I found it quite eye-opening. Reading your story...it's so similar to mine! My ex told me about his addiction around 6 months ago too, and he asked me for space from each other so that he can focus on himself getting better. While I understand this is the best way for him to get better and for myself to not get hurt, it's incredibly painful and I miss him every day.
Yes, I think you need to stop talking to him now. And as hard as I know it is to hear, the best thing for you to do right now is to step back, focus on yourself and begin to move on. At the moment I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm currently single, and my boyfriend isn't who he was anymore. He's gone, for now at least. So I have to treat it as though he may never get better, or even if he does get better he may not want me then. It's absolutely heartbreaking, but it's the best way to get through this. An addict doesn't care about anything except satisfying their own needs, even if it means hurting others. Not to say that your boyfriend doesn't care about you - he is just fighting this horrible thing that ruins his priorities and causes him to hurt himself and the people around him by extension. If he's addicted right now, then he doesn't love himself at the moment, meaning he's incapable of loving anyone else right now too.
I'm sorry if those words are hard to hear - I've found them really hard to come to terms with myself. It sounds like he really does care about you, which is why he has pushed you away. Many addicts keep their partners around so that they can continue to use and manipulate them. It sounds like he doesn't want to hurt you anymore. At the same time, he can't expect you to be his friend if that's hurtful for you. His addiction is something that he needs to deal with before he can be in any kind of relationship, and it's not your responsibility to fix that.
I know you're tearing yourself apart mentally - you want him to wake up, be completely better and take you back. It can feel like hell. The only way to get out of that horrible place is to take a deep breath, relax, and remind yourself that what's happening right now isn't your fault and it's out of your control. Accepting that and moving on with your life as if he's not your boyfriend, and might never be, is the best way to move forward. And that's not to say he won't get better one day, maybe sooner or maybe much later, and be ready for a relationship again. But you can't live your life waiting on and hoping for that. Keep reading, finding yourself and accepting things as they are. Things will get better, and it is going to be ok...you're going to find strength you never knew you had. Best of luck xx
I suggest reading the sticky "6, 8, 10 times" on the forum, I found it quite eye-opening. Reading your story...it's so similar to mine! My ex told me about his addiction around 6 months ago too, and he asked me for space from each other so that he can focus on himself getting better. While I understand this is the best way for him to get better and for myself to not get hurt, it's incredibly painful and I miss him every day.
Yes, I think you need to stop talking to him now. And as hard as I know it is to hear, the best thing for you to do right now is to step back, focus on yourself and begin to move on. At the moment I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I'm currently single, and my boyfriend isn't who he was anymore. He's gone, for now at least. So I have to treat it as though he may never get better, or even if he does get better he may not want me then. It's absolutely heartbreaking, but it's the best way to get through this. An addict doesn't care about anything except satisfying their own needs, even if it means hurting others. Not to say that your boyfriend doesn't care about you - he is just fighting this horrible thing that ruins his priorities and causes him to hurt himself and the people around him by extension. If he's addicted right now, then he doesn't love himself at the moment, meaning he's incapable of loving anyone else right now too.
I'm sorry if those words are hard to hear - I've found them really hard to come to terms with myself. It sounds like he really does care about you, which is why he has pushed you away. Many addicts keep their partners around so that they can continue to use and manipulate them. It sounds like he doesn't want to hurt you anymore. At the same time, he can't expect you to be his friend if that's hurtful for you. His addiction is something that he needs to deal with before he can be in any kind of relationship, and it's not your responsibility to fix that.
I know you're tearing yourself apart mentally - you want him to wake up, be completely better and take you back. It can feel like hell. The only way to get out of that horrible place is to take a deep breath, relax, and remind yourself that what's happening right now isn't your fault and it's out of your control. Accepting that and moving on with your life as if he's not your boyfriend, and might never be, is the best way to move forward. And that's not to say he won't get better one day, maybe sooner or maybe much later, and be ready for a relationship again. But you can't live your life waiting on and hoping for that. Keep reading, finding yourself and accepting things as they are. Things will get better, and it is going to be ok...you're going to find strength you never knew you had. Best of luck xx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 6
You are an angel. Oh my gosh, it is such a fresh breath of air to find someone who knows what I am going through. I try so hard to talk to others about it but no one seems to understand like you do. I literally starting crying so hard I couldn't read your post for a moment. Your post is something I so needed to hear. And it is so long and thoughtful, thank you sooooo much. I know you may still be hurting like I am, so stay strong! Much love. xoxo
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Australia
Posts: 36
It can be hard to explain to others how you're feeling, and it can be hard for other people to relate to, because ending a relationship when drugs and addiction are involved isn't the same as ending a relationship simply because you're incompatible with someone. I'm so glad this helps, you're not alone or going crazy with this! Lots of people are in a similar boat - there are heaps on this forum. Each day is new and you'll start to feel so much better in time, and thanks for the kind words 
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Take it from me who is married to my addict and has two small children, to leave him alone and try to move on. I saw a quote on here that said something about do you truly love this person or do you pity and want to save them more. I think that was my train of thought when I met my husband. I wanted to save him from all of his problems and be his saving grace. I love to help others despite my own well being. Trying hard to work on this and start thinking about my children and myself. He is doing you a favor by asking for space. If you guys are meant to be maybe way down the road when he's sober and able to give to a relationship, you guys can try again. But for now you don't deserve to be apart of his unhealthy life. Find someone who will put you first and who chooses to live a healthy lifestyle. I'm 35 years old and living back with my parents and two small children because of my husbands poor choices. All of the signs were there in the beginning when I met him, but I chose to ignore them because I was ignorant about addiction and I thought I could be more important to him than his addictions. Don't go down this path because it's not a healthy one. Good luck to you! hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
where I am just sitting around waiting for him to take me back
please think about the enormity of that statement. you are waiting for someone else who does not have your best interests or well being in mind, to decide if you have VALUE, or are worthy of his attention again. like you are some slightly bruised fruit in the produce aisle that people keep passing over.
who knows how his journey will turn out.....? or if he'll "want you back"? that you wish him well shows you have a kind heart. but i think it's time you put that love and worry and concern towards the gal who looks back at you in the mirror. your life is important, your health and happiness.
please think about the enormity of that statement. you are waiting for someone else who does not have your best interests or well being in mind, to decide if you have VALUE, or are worthy of his attention again. like you are some slightly bruised fruit in the produce aisle that people keep passing over.
who knows how his journey will turn out.....? or if he'll "want you back"? that you wish him well shows you have a kind heart. but i think it's time you put that love and worry and concern towards the gal who looks back at you in the mirror. your life is important, your health and happiness.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: My Hive
Posts: 81
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
where I am just sitting around waiting for him to take me back
please think about the enormity of that statement. you are waiting for someone else who does not have your best interests or well being in mind, to decide if you have VALUE, or are worthy of his attention again. like you are some slightly bruised fruit in the produce aisle that people keep passing over.
who knows how his journey will turn out.....? or if he'll "want you back"? that you wish him well shows you have a kind heart. but i think it's time you put that love and worry and concern towards the gal who looks back at you in the mirror. your life is important, your health and happiness.
please think about the enormity of that statement. you are waiting for someone else who does not have your best interests or well being in mind, to decide if you have VALUE, or are worthy of his attention again. like you are some slightly bruised fruit in the produce aisle that people keep passing over.
who knows how his journey will turn out.....? or if he'll "want you back"? that you wish him well shows you have a kind heart. but i think it's time you put that love and worry and concern towards the gal who looks back at you in the mirror. your life is important, your health and happiness.
Thanks
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
