Revelation!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: NYC area
Posts: 856
Revelation!
My son is in recovery and is doing well. As I have written, besides immediate family, he has a supportive girlfriend and a wonderful relationship with a sponsor, as well as an excellent therapist. Unfortunately, even with all that support there were a few bumps in the road and he is on probation. He's been reporting weekly, which makes me happy because I know they test him. Although he clearly wants to put this behind himself and move on with his life, and I trust he is sincere, knowing the probation dept is going to test has to be a little extra motivating for him?
So this morning he told me that instead of every week, now he's going every second week. Oh, well, that's good. That means they have a bit more "trust" in him and see he's working, going to meetings, etc... doing what he's supposed to be doing. Excellent.
Then I every-so-helpfully brought up the issue of testing, and said that if he thought it would help him, I would keep tests in the house and do a random test on his "off" week from probation.
"MA! I have this covered. I'm good. Stop!"
And then a bell went off in my head: CODEPENDENT! I finally understand what it means.
So this morning he told me that instead of every week, now he's going every second week. Oh, well, that's good. That means they have a bit more "trust" in him and see he's working, going to meetings, etc... doing what he's supposed to be doing. Excellent.
Then I every-so-helpfully brought up the issue of testing, and said that if he thought it would help him, I would keep tests in the house and do a random test on his "off" week from probation.
"MA! I have this covered. I'm good. Stop!"
And then a bell went off in my head: CODEPENDENT! I finally understand what it means.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Yes, those bells just keep ringing, lol.
I recall once when this codie mom was trying to fix my son's bad day, and he said to me, "Mom, sometimes I just need to have a bad day. I can work through it." Unsaid was "back off mom".
I swear, I think we need to declare a National Codie Back Off Day.
I recall once when this codie mom was trying to fix my son's bad day, and he said to me, "Mom, sometimes I just need to have a bad day. I can work through it." Unsaid was "back off mom".
I swear, I think we need to declare a National Codie Back Off Day.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: NYC area
Posts: 856
Trying so hard to back off. Biting my tongue often. But I get nervous.
Yesterday after work he said he was going to a meeting but would be home by 7:30 because he had some work to do and wanted to get his laundry done. Ok. 7:30 came and went, 7:45, 8:00... and I DID NOT TEXT HIM which was HUGE for me. He texted me shortly before 8:30 that he'd gone to DD for a quick cup of coffee, intending to bring it home, but some others from the meeting were there also, so they all ended taking their coffee and going for a walk. So a good use of his time, and he was still home early enough to get the things accomplished that he'd planned to do. And I did not panic or text which I am patting myself on the back for today.
One day at a time for us all.
Today is not a good day though. I'm OK when I'm with people -- weekends at home when the family is in and out, or the days that I work when I'm so busy that the day flies by. But on a day like today when I'm home alone, I feel nervous, anxious and half the time I can't even verbalize exactly WHAT is wrong. Just a generalized feeling of "bad". I've got on my meditation music and am keeping busy with long overdue housework. A quick break here for the word games, then back to it.
Yesterday after work he said he was going to a meeting but would be home by 7:30 because he had some work to do and wanted to get his laundry done. Ok. 7:30 came and went, 7:45, 8:00... and I DID NOT TEXT HIM which was HUGE for me. He texted me shortly before 8:30 that he'd gone to DD for a quick cup of coffee, intending to bring it home, but some others from the meeting were there also, so they all ended taking their coffee and going for a walk. So a good use of his time, and he was still home early enough to get the things accomplished that he'd planned to do. And I did not panic or text which I am patting myself on the back for today.
One day at a time for us all.
Today is not a good day though. I'm OK when I'm with people -- weekends at home when the family is in and out, or the days that I work when I'm so busy that the day flies by. But on a day like today when I'm home alone, I feel nervous, anxious and half the time I can't even verbalize exactly WHAT is wrong. Just a generalized feeling of "bad". I've got on my meditation music and am keeping busy with long overdue housework. A quick break here for the word games, then back to it.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Wow, I so understand what you are saying. Just that nagging feeling of dread/anxiety in your gut. I seem to carry it around all the time.
I am working with my pastor in counseling, just went back to Celebrate Recovery, come here to SR, and lean on family and a few friends to get me through all of it. I am really making an effort, but it is hard. I have to really focus on not having some big wall of panic, but breaking out what I am scared of, what I can do about it right now (nothing), and why I am feeling this way, etc.
It does help. However, I always have it in the back of my mind, I just have to learn not to let it take my focus or alter my life. Easier said than done, I completely understand that!
Many hugs!
I am working with my pastor in counseling, just went back to Celebrate Recovery, come here to SR, and lean on family and a few friends to get me through all of it. I am really making an effort, but it is hard. I have to really focus on not having some big wall of panic, but breaking out what I am scared of, what I can do about it right now (nothing), and why I am feeling this way, etc.
It does help. However, I always have it in the back of my mind, I just have to learn not to let it take my focus or alter my life. Easier said than done, I completely understand that!
Many hugs!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Jenna.....it sounds like what is called "generalized anxiety disorder",,,,in the books...lol....
It is a real thing....I have seen it with my own eyes!
Have you ever seen a person (psychiatrist) for this! Not because you are "crazy"---but, because it is very treatable and there are specific techniques that really help!
I see that you use meditation...good....and, stay structured...good....
Have you ever tried the "new" adult coloring books.....they really help some people....(you can get them on amazon.com)......
Food for thought.....
dandylion
It is a real thing....I have seen it with my own eyes!
Have you ever seen a person (psychiatrist) for this! Not because you are "crazy"---but, because it is very treatable and there are specific techniques that really help!
I see that you use meditation...good....and, stay structured...good....
Have you ever tried the "new" adult coloring books.....they really help some people....(you can get them on amazon.com)......
Food for thought.....
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: NYC area
Posts: 856
Dandy - Thank you. I have not seen a psychiatrist, but I have started seeing a therapist this past spring, and she's helping me. She suggested a coloring book, and I have one and it tremendously relaxing. We're also working on breathing exercises and concentrating on the here and now and not "what if"s. At my age, looking back, I see clearly that I have suffered from anxiety for most of my life, to a greater or lesser extent, but it's never been like this before. At one point about five years ago during an incredibly stressful time, I had an rx for ativan which was such a great help. But because my son is in recovery, I won't allow anything stronger than a tylenol in my house now... so it's meditation, music, exercise... Thank you for your kind response.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Jenna and hopeful.....I am so glad if my words are helpful or reassuring for you....
I will mention something that may help those who may take or need blood pressure medication....there is a type of blood pressure pill that is called a beta-blocker type. It can be helpful in blocking panic attacks....
Because, it helps to dampen the sympathetic nervous system.....which gets reeved up and triggers that panic feeling.
It helps in much the same way that the breathing exercise does--to dampen the sympathetic nervous system....
One has to ask their doctor if that type of medication is right for them, though.....and it is by prescription......
dandylion
I will mention something that may help those who may take or need blood pressure medication....there is a type of blood pressure pill that is called a beta-blocker type. It can be helpful in blocking panic attacks....
Because, it helps to dampen the sympathetic nervous system.....which gets reeved up and triggers that panic feeling.
It helps in much the same way that the breathing exercise does--to dampen the sympathetic nervous system....
One has to ask their doctor if that type of medication is right for them, though.....and it is by prescription......
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 328
I have been experiencing severe anxiety for a few months now. I finally broke down and went to the doctor last week. My heart rate was staying way too high. I was given a beta blocker like Dandylion mentioned above and it is amazing how much better I already feel!
Jenna - I don't comment a lot but have been following your threads, thank you for sharing! It does help other people to know they are not alone in this crazy journey.
Jenna - I don't comment a lot but have been following your threads, thank you for sharing! It does help other people to know they are not alone in this crazy journey.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: grateful where at
Posts: 52
I so get the anxiety and mind going into 50 directions about the what ifs. This morning I called my son. His voice sounded off and how he talked was off. Panic set in. Good thing I went on my day and had distraction. Then texted no answer. So texted hello. Got a call back that was a bad mood tone. As we talked hes trying to fix his vehicle. Not having right tools. Not wanting to pay someone cause he is very capable. He's very thrifty and careful with his money which was causing anxiety. So asked how he's doing . Good but frustrated . This is not his norm so took me to place I never want to go again. He worked through it , has his meeting tonight. But was my mind racing absolutely. I prayed and asked God to give him peace and clarity. And somehow went on my day. He has changed so much to be different than the person he was. Hes 2 years sober and I thank God everyday for the healong that is taking still taking place in our family.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: NYC area
Posts: 856
Well I think I backed up 300.
Yesterday he walked out of the house at 8 am to go to work then meeting his sponsor at a meeting, then going to grab some dinner and hang out with sponsor. He didn't walk back into the house until almost 9. He hadn't called or texted all day (which is unusual... he usually texts or calls me at his lunch to ask me how my day is going, etc. Our family keeps in touch like that... husband, married son, too, not just the one I'm concerned about.)
And so since he'd told me in the morning what he was going to be busy doing all day/evening, I didn't text him either! I trusted that he'd told me the truth.
He was fine. had a good day at work, good dinner, good talking with sponsor.
Yesterday he walked out of the house at 8 am to go to work then meeting his sponsor at a meeting, then going to grab some dinner and hang out with sponsor. He didn't walk back into the house until almost 9. He hadn't called or texted all day (which is unusual... he usually texts or calls me at his lunch to ask me how my day is going, etc. Our family keeps in touch like that... husband, married son, too, not just the one I'm concerned about.)
And so since he'd told me in the morning what he was going to be busy doing all day/evening, I didn't text him either! I trusted that he'd told me the truth.
He was fine. had a good day at work, good dinner, good talking with sponsor.
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