Serious anger problems in early recovery?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Serious anger problems in early recovery?
I am currently pulled over on the side of the road because I am in a rage.
And it's over nothing really. It's 90 degrees and I can't stand heat. I just recharged my ac in my car and it's not working which has me livid. I am a professional driver for a living and someone just screamed into my window to "fing relax" while he was blocking the road while parallel parking.
I didn't react but it is eating at me.
I just went to go get food and calm down and the convenience store I have been going to for 15 years is torn down.
So, I'm parked at a park and kids are screaming (playing) but they are doing that screaming bloody murder thing. I know they're outside but I am so angry and I don't know why.
I'm angry a lot lately. I almost turned around when that guy told me to fin relax. What is wrong with me? Is anyone else like this?
And it's over nothing really. It's 90 degrees and I can't stand heat. I just recharged my ac in my car and it's not working which has me livid. I am a professional driver for a living and someone just screamed into my window to "fing relax" while he was blocking the road while parallel parking.
I didn't react but it is eating at me.
I just went to go get food and calm down and the convenience store I have been going to for 15 years is torn down.
So, I'm parked at a park and kids are screaming (playing) but they are doing that screaming bloody murder thing. I know they're outside but I am so angry and I don't know why.
I'm angry a lot lately. I almost turned around when that guy told me to fin relax. What is wrong with me? Is anyone else like this?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
Ugh. The anger thing!!! I'm right there with you! Hang in there and breathe. Taking deep breaths and calling a trusted friend helps. So does a good cry or punching a punching bag, car seat, pillow etc.
I've been told that anger is part of early sobriety.
(((Hug)))
I've been told that anger is part of early sobriety.
(((Hug)))
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 5,250
It sounds like this woman feels the same way...I found this when I googled "anger in early sobriety"
Sobriety
***Submitted by Anonymous
I am very very angry.
I am super angry with my mom because (among many other things I shalt not list) she put all the dishes from the dishwasher away and the cycle was half done.
I am ready to kick the dog for getting under foot.
I have pretty much had it with my husband! He is wearing the same shirt today as he wore yesterday. The nerve!
I have a pain across the middle of my back that feels as though barbed wire has been inserted in my skin.
Anyone who doesn't respond just so, sends me reeling to drown in an ocean of tears.
I am too old for this.
I am 53 truth be told and that is a very adult number. I have attended yoga classes several times a week for many years. I know all the "be in the moment" and "gratitude for what you have" messages.
I have been in therapy for most of my adult life. I have worked through the emotions of anger and rage toward my mother, I have learned in marriage counseling how to communicate intelligently with my husband and I know the dog is completely innocent.
You see I quit drinking wine two weeks ago.
If it weren't for the posts here and information on line, I would be back to drinking.
I don't know when my happy drinking "turned" on me, it was a long and slow decline. But I suspect the "alcoholic" behavior occurred when my older daughter went to college and I went back to work full time to cope with feelings of loss.
Since then, I have quit the full time job, she has graduated from college and is living home.
My younger daughter is now a college sophomore and living away.
I have stopped for weeks, maybe months at a time, but returned to the drinking because I have decided I really don't have a drinking problem. After all, I didn't have the shakes or headaches, didn't need to go to rehab.
OR, because I felt lousy without it (like now) and needed to self medicate.
I feel like medicating. I am uncomfortable and overwhelmed by my ugly feelings. I was drinking a bottle of wine or more most nights and I had my tricks to disguise it.
My yoga friends would never suspect.
I would never tell them about this demon that meditation and asana could not undo. I am waiting to wake up feeling well, for these emotions to pass, and to feel at ease in my body.
I don't want to go back to drinking ever again.
It wasn't fun anymore.
Thank you for all your support. I cannot believe how common this struggle is!
Sobriety
***Submitted by Anonymous
I am very very angry.
I am super angry with my mom because (among many other things I shalt not list) she put all the dishes from the dishwasher away and the cycle was half done.
I am ready to kick the dog for getting under foot.
I have pretty much had it with my husband! He is wearing the same shirt today as he wore yesterday. The nerve!
I have a pain across the middle of my back that feels as though barbed wire has been inserted in my skin.
Anyone who doesn't respond just so, sends me reeling to drown in an ocean of tears.
I am too old for this.
I am 53 truth be told and that is a very adult number. I have attended yoga classes several times a week for many years. I know all the "be in the moment" and "gratitude for what you have" messages.
I have been in therapy for most of my adult life. I have worked through the emotions of anger and rage toward my mother, I have learned in marriage counseling how to communicate intelligently with my husband and I know the dog is completely innocent.
You see I quit drinking wine two weeks ago.
If it weren't for the posts here and information on line, I would be back to drinking.
I don't know when my happy drinking "turned" on me, it was a long and slow decline. But I suspect the "alcoholic" behavior occurred when my older daughter went to college and I went back to work full time to cope with feelings of loss.
Since then, I have quit the full time job, she has graduated from college and is living home.
My younger daughter is now a college sophomore and living away.
I have stopped for weeks, maybe months at a time, but returned to the drinking because I have decided I really don't have a drinking problem. After all, I didn't have the shakes or headaches, didn't need to go to rehab.
OR, because I felt lousy without it (like now) and needed to self medicate.
I feel like medicating. I am uncomfortable and overwhelmed by my ugly feelings. I was drinking a bottle of wine or more most nights and I had my tricks to disguise it.
My yoga friends would never suspect.
I would never tell them about this demon that meditation and asana could not undo. I am waiting to wake up feeling well, for these emotions to pass, and to feel at ease in my body.
I don't want to go back to drinking ever again.
It wasn't fun anymore.
Thank you for all your support. I cannot believe how common this struggle is!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Florida
Posts: 202
Yes. I am right there with you. I am on Day 3 and currently going through bouts of rage (and I mean rage, not just anger) and uncontrollable crying. It is very difficult, but I have come to understand that unfortunately this is part of it and day by day it will get better. I know from my sober time in the past. Hang in there and know that you are not alone.
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Vancouver, BC, Canada
Posts: 98
Hey blueeyes... I'm on day 12 and am saying I'm a really happy drunk and a really mean sober person. I have always had anger issues, the booze took the edge off my temper. Right now I'm only at day 12, and just trying to limit my human contact, and frustrating situations. Truth be told, it's a daily struggle not to punch a hole in the wall. I'm aware of it though, and try and control it, but once I'm more comfortable being sober I'm going to have to look at counseling for anger management.
Just breath through and swear like u mean it, or whatever it is u need to do to vent the anger.
Just breath through and swear like u mean it, or whatever it is u need to do to vent the anger.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm so sorry about your car probs. There is nothing to spark rage more efficiently than car issues and drivers. Good for you for pulling over.
I remember once when driving to the gym in my town, there was this huge ole truck behind me, tail gating (this was during an angry dry period) me the whole way. We're talking neighborhoods, side streets. 25 mph speed limit. She was honking, flipping me off. Unreal. I had no where to go and I should have just pulled over, but I didn't. I got in a rage. Well, turns out she was headed to the gym too (small town)...when I pulled in she headed to the other side to park because I think she knew 'oops'. I followed her. Parked right by her, we got out, she tried to avoid me, I confronted her aggressively and was completely ready to get in an all out chick fight (which is not pretty)....I was NUTs. She knew it, apologized profusely and basically ran away. I was insane livid and nuts. What did this accomplish? Nothing. Don't even know why I'm sharing this, just wanted you to know, I get it.
Recovery for me requires effort in all ways. My thinking, the core of my thinking, being at the center of that effort. Deep in my heart accepting that I have to change the way I react and relate to the world. I cannot afford that kind of anger, ever. Accepting that I alone am responsible for me. It is a choice and it isn't always easy. I've had many periods of 'recovery' and for some of them anger was the hallmark emotion. I'm grateful it isn't now. But if I had to take note of one thing, when I'm angry all the time? I'm not in acceptance and gratitude. Now that is probably the last thing you want to hear....some fruit loop like me saying 'be grateful' blah blah. But guess what? That is the only way.
I remember once when driving to the gym in my town, there was this huge ole truck behind me, tail gating (this was during an angry dry period) me the whole way. We're talking neighborhoods, side streets. 25 mph speed limit. She was honking, flipping me off. Unreal. I had no where to go and I should have just pulled over, but I didn't. I got in a rage. Well, turns out she was headed to the gym too (small town)...when I pulled in she headed to the other side to park because I think she knew 'oops'. I followed her. Parked right by her, we got out, she tried to avoid me, I confronted her aggressively and was completely ready to get in an all out chick fight (which is not pretty)....I was NUTs. She knew it, apologized profusely and basically ran away. I was insane livid and nuts. What did this accomplish? Nothing. Don't even know why I'm sharing this, just wanted you to know, I get it.
Recovery for me requires effort in all ways. My thinking, the core of my thinking, being at the center of that effort. Deep in my heart accepting that I have to change the way I react and relate to the world. I cannot afford that kind of anger, ever. Accepting that I alone am responsible for me. It is a choice and it isn't always easy. I've had many periods of 'recovery' and for some of them anger was the hallmark emotion. I'm grateful it isn't now. But if I had to take note of one thing, when I'm angry all the time? I'm not in acceptance and gratitude. Now that is probably the last thing you want to hear....some fruit loop like me saying 'be grateful' blah blah. But guess what? That is the only way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 261
Yep I know the anger spells all to well. Deff not my proudest moment but it happened. I was 3 days sober just had gotten reamed out by my boss that day. Walking home I was waiting at a 4 way stop light for the crosswalk signal. I got the signal to cross and started walking. Meanwhile the car at the corner was revving his engine, I was about three quarters across the intersection when the walk signal started to flash. The car at the corner screeched his tires and took off headed right for me. I had to dive towards the sidewalk, and just barely missed getting hit by the car. I looked up and he had thrown his hands up like oh well. I jumped up and ran after the car. I caught up to him at the next light, where he was stuck behind a truck with nowhere to go. I ran up to the drivers side of the car and without saying anything I reached in and started chocking this guy. Next thing I know is three people pulling me off of him and he drove away. I just kinda stood there in a daze wondering what just happened. I'm sure I blacked out, I tend to do that when I'm angry. I think back and I'm dumbfounded I did that. So yeah I understand getting angry, just don't be a dumb@ss like me and act on it.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
We reacted more strongly to frustrations than normal people.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 111
Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God's point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me — bug-eyed and red of face — who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God's angle of vision can be very relaxing.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 111
Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God's point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me — bug-eyed and red of face — who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God's angle of vision can be very relaxing.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 979
Right there with you too. My emotions can be all over the place. I have been angry BECAUSE of what alcohol has done to my life and I am angry BECAUSE I can't drink. Just let the sober days pile up. Eventually it does subside. Yesterday was day 1 AGAIN for me and I was climbing the walls and pi$$ed off.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Yes, I remember that. I think it's pretty common. We're all kind of raw when we first get sober as we're having to sit with our feelings, and our crutch has been side-swiped from us. What helped me was recognising what I was feeling and why, rather than just transferring every single negative emotion into rage, which seemed to be what I did as a matter of course. Guilt, remorse, grief, impatience, physical discomfort, jealousy, fear, whatever. ALL of it just got flipped into rage and I carried that around with me like some kind of defective suit of armour for a good while. It was exhausting, and I felt like I was going mad. Then I went to AA and started learning a bit about acceptance, someone else talked about willingness, someone else talked about humility (and I definitely wanted to deck THAT person lol), and other people there talked about using meditation and prayer to refocus, and gradually as i learned diffrent ways of dealing with life on lifes terms I started to feel it all a bit less, and of course, the longer i didnt drink, the more my AV lost some of its edge as well.
It will get better - as long as you don't pick up that first drink and work on your recovery.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery.
It will get better - as long as you don't pick up that first drink and work on your recovery.
Wishing you all the best for your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 103
I remember at about 2 weeks sober actually yelling at this car that stopped for me because I was waiting to cross in a cross walk... cars in the other lane wouldnt stop, so I got upset with the nice gentleman who did, lol. Right when I yelled at this car, another woman walked up behind me and looked at me like I was a crazy horrible person. I was so shocked and embarrassed at the misplaced rage I exhibited. I am over 4 months into my sobriety now, and I still have these moments, although not quite as public. I am hoping it goes away as I settle into my sober skin. I am trying AA, but honestly, some of the stuff I hear there can really get my anger going the most. I am trying to be really aware of when I get angry, what sets it off? I make a little list in my phone and evey now and then I notice a pattern,... then I can see something I need to work on. I guess I am sorta getting a jump start on my 4th step.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I wasn't only an alcoholic but a rageaholic,too.
when I got sober,after the fog and misery started dissipating, the anger started hittin. I didn't want it. so I looked at causes and conditions, which what it could be boiled down to is thing wouldn't go my way- selfish,self centered thinking the world should be turning around me.
quite a few years later and a LOT of work on me and my attitudes, I very rarely get angry. I do get frustrated, but anger is very rarely there. last fit of rage was about 5 years ago.
I learned I don't just end up in a fit of rage. I get frustrated( usually because people,places, and things aren't going MY way), which if I don't take care of that I get angry, which if I don't take care of I get into a fit of rage, which I don't take care of ill be drunk, which I don't think can be taken care of.
live and let live.
when I got sober,after the fog and misery started dissipating, the anger started hittin. I didn't want it. so I looked at causes and conditions, which what it could be boiled down to is thing wouldn't go my way- selfish,self centered thinking the world should be turning around me.
quite a few years later and a LOT of work on me and my attitudes, I very rarely get angry. I do get frustrated, but anger is very rarely there. last fit of rage was about 5 years ago.
I learned I don't just end up in a fit of rage. I get frustrated( usually because people,places, and things aren't going MY way), which if I don't take care of that I get angry, which if I don't take care of I get into a fit of rage, which I don't take care of ill be drunk, which I don't think can be taken care of.
live and let live.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
I know the day you are having. I'm pretty quick on the trigger myself. Some of it is alcohol related. The longer I've been sober the more it takes to really get me going. Not drinking is a big change for you but not the jerk err I mean fellow in the other car. We all have to deal with that guy, he's not worth getting upset over.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
I have mellowed out a lot with age. However in early sobriety, I could go into orbit over the smallest things. It's a time of raw nerves. Even now at almost 21 months sober, I am still quite sensitive to noise - loud TV, loud people, etc. seems to get under my skin. And driving - or should I say other people's driving - don't get me started on that one! I am better than I used to be about having patience behind the wheel, but I have a lot of room for improvement. Too bad I am the only person in my town that knows how to drive, haha! 😜
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
I have had problems with anger for as long as I can remember. But through meditation I have learned to face it and see what is really going on when I become angry, and most of the time, it is my self centered way of thinking. Life is constantly throwing up roadblocks, and when things don't conform to the fantasy I have in my head about how they should be, I get angry. Facing this truth over and over, and being aware of the bodily sensations of anger, and the thoughts that occur with them, has lessened my angry responses quite a bit.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 411
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
We reacted more strongly to frustrations than normal people.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 111
Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God's point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me — bug-eyed and red of face — who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God's angle of vision can be very relaxing.
— AS BILL SEES IT, p. 111
Impatience with other people is one of my principal failings. Following a slow car in a no-passing lane, or waiting in a restaurant for the check, drives me to distraction. Before I give God a chance to slow me down, I explode, and that's what I call being quicker than God. That repeated experience gave me an idea. I thought if I could look down on these events from God's point of view, I might better control my feelings and behavior. I tried it and when I encountered the next slow driver, I levitated and looked down on the other car and upon myself. I saw an elderly couple driving along, happily chatting about their grandchildren. They were followed by me — bug-eyed and red of face — who had no time schedule to meet anyway. I looked so silly that I dropped back into reality and slowed down. Seeing things from God's angle of vision can be very relaxing.
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