sortthingsout

Hi all, sorry I haven't written for a bit. I got all wrapped up in work and after going to a couple of NA meetings my head was in a real mess. Accepting that even drinking has to go forever is tough. Being honest I wish I wanted that but I have this internal battle where I just want to be normal and go out and have fun like a normal person. I guess I also know I'll never really be able to do that.

I'm 14 days without Coke now. I did end up going out last night, it's the spontaneous nights that I find hard to say no to particularly after a stressful week. I feel like I've failed NA because I drank but I didn't do Coke - a big thing for me actually as normally once I have a couple of drinks I have to have it and things get out of hand. So I suppose thats a positive that I managed to keep away from that but I feel **** this morning, I wish I hadn't gone out and j feel like I let myself down.

MIRecovery

When I accepted the fact that I wasn't even remotely normal when it came to drinking and drugs things became easier. I can take any mind altering substances. Recovery is about building a new life not about trying to make my old life work without alcohol and drugs. It meant new friends, new activities, doing things sober people do.

entropy1964

Be very aware of cross addiction. Very very common when addiction is untreated. And, as I posted to ya before, alcohol lowers inhibitions so resisting your DOC will be harder and harder when under its influence.

Sorry you feel crappy. You don't have to go through this again. Spontaneity it the enemy of my recovery. Maybe try planning everything and don't accept any last minute 'party' invites. Hit the gym instead

tomsteve

alcohol was my DOC, but I had addiction problems throughout the years with many different mind and mood altering substances.
I got hooked on crack back some time ago. I THOUGHT I hit bottom when I crashed my truck, got fired, and got evicted in 1 week. started going to NA. the fog lifted and I hadda thought:
if I just get back to work ill be ok.
got called out on that thought at a meeting.
welp, I got back to work. first paycheck I bought a 40 ouncer. the thought was:
as long as I don't smoke crack again ill be ok.

in a week I was getting a 6 pack and a pint, and I never mixed the 2 before.

when I got sober a few years later, I had it from my head to my heart that getting clean and sober meant ALL mind and mood altering substances had to go.

all them lessons of what didn't work were very detrimental in me getting sober.

LadyBlue0527

You just described how most of the people who came to this board felt.

The only path to success is this:

"I have this internal battle where I just want to be normal and go out and have fun like a normal person. I know I'll never really be able to do that."

That's the only thing that works. It's hard but you have to remove the guesswork. You can do this, you know you can.

thomas11

As I'm sure you are aware, its a dangerous dance you are doing with booze and drugs. Quitting both permanently will be difficult, but rewarding. Wish you the best.

Vandermast

Yeah I can only concur with what has been alluded to here

My main addiction is booze but over the years have been hooked on cannabis opiates and amphetamines also

I would in later years be off the booze for extended periods but always filled the void with combinations of the aforementioned narcotics

They say that abstinence from all is the best anc safest option

I know it seems really daunting but if nothing changes nothing changes

Peace

V

soberaccountant

You should be celebrating 14 days without, and not having to drink and use coke at the same time. If drinking is the next think you want/need to leave behind, lets take that next step. But for now, celebrate the fact that you haven't had coke for 14 days, and a coke/alcohol combo for just as long. That is an accomplishment in and of itself.

Soberwolf

Excellent job on 2 weeks

sortthingsout

Thanks so much for all your awesome replies! Knowing I have people here who understand and support me have made this so much easier.

I have done a lot of thinking this weekend and I've finally had that click in my head that everything has to go. i looked around at some of the people who I was out with and saw my old self and the self destructive way I've acted and I don't want to continue like that - it really opened my eyes to the path I don't want to continue down. I finally feel like I've got the acceptance thing and I'm going to throw myself more into NA. I met up with and apologized to a good friend I pushed away through my denial to face hard situations and hurt and have connections with people - this felt like a big step. And I'm reading books to help me look at myself and why I am this way. I am an addict but I'm determined to beat this.

Anna

I think you might be surprised that it's much easier to quit it all, rather than focusing on one thing or the other. I'm glad you have reached a point of acceptance and that you are ready to move forward with your recovery. Yes, you are an addict, but remember that you are so much more than that.

sortthingsout

Thanks Anna, yes that's why I want to quit it all - I want the good things to define me not the bad. I know it's going to be so far from easy, but I just have this internal peace now and feel like I accept that part of myself like I've seen written on here so many times. I'm going to take each day at a time and I'm aiming for a month first.