bringm32lif30

My biggest problem with alcohol is that I can't socialize without feeling anxious and awkward. Alcohol was my savior and that is why I started at 14.... to escape from myself and my thouhts and just to be someone else, as I thought in the begining my more free self that had no problem with talking to people. I have to mention that I drank even on my exams at university in witch I have to talk and I had good grades!! When I drink I express myself better and I'm more interestingf as a person. But sober I'm more socially awkward I can't be around people for long time, don't know what I have to talk about, how to act, I'm very conscious always self critisizing....also I think I'm boring. I drank all my adult life (25 now) and I never had sober friends or sober interactions with people, I never was intimate with another human being sober or in a relationships I always was with partner that we drank together in all dates all the time!!! I never had a love relationships, real friends....and I thing I'm hopeless case in relationships.... But I don't want to be alone all my life and such a hermit I have to learn basic things at my age where I should be thinking about family etc... I'm afraid to be close to people and always wear a mask or play a role, but I'm never my real self...I fear regection, and not being understood...or I just think I'm too ridiculous...
I'm also very sensitive and easily absorbe other people's emotions and moods and it is hard for me to be centered in a crowd of people. I become really overwhelmed. Alcohol was always suppresing this in some way, and I felt such a relief.... I don't know what to do or how I will be capable to live life like a normal person do....I have no problem not drinking when I'm alone, but around people is biggest struggle ever.... And I catch myself thinking how I can just drink with control if I just try hard enough...and ir sucks...It was never working for me since I will not do it to have a fun time but to escape again and again from my self and reality.....

Coldfusion

I deal with a lot of my addiction and social problems by going to AA meetings. I even found a job there! Have you looked into local meetings?

malcolmsloan

I hear you B. I've used alcohol in many of the same ways. It helped me to look at a lot of the things I said to myself, about myself. I realized that I had developed a fixed mindset over the years: "I am______," or "I can't______." I've had to work real hard to think in more o a growth mindset: "I am working on______, and I am doing so by_______." Ain't easy, but it has really helped me break out of some of my mental conditioning.
Onward!
Malcolm

ZenLifter

This is completely me also. I started experimenting with alcohol about the same age as you, and it "helped" me not be so socially awkward all through high school and my 20s.
The problem is, over time, alcohol makes you even MORE anxious when you are not drinking. At least it did for me. Think of how jumpy you feel the day after sobering up from a binge.
Don't know how much sober time you have, but this will get better with time. And you can learn to improve your social skills. It just takes practice, like anything else. Do you go to AA? Or maybe find a meetup group?

Anna

I don't like being around a lot of people for a long period either. I feel my balance shifting if that happens. I prefer smaller, more intimate get-togethers. My suggestion is to take some time to get to know yourself and what you want from your life. Once you begin to like/love yourself, other people will be drawn to you.

Soberwolf

Nice to meet you

firstymer

Here's my 2 cents: Alcohol didn't make me more interesting. I don't think it makes anyone more interesting. What it did do was give me the willingness to talk, even if what I was saying was slurred and boring.

How have I adjusted to sober social situations? I talk less. And I ask more questions of the people I am with. People, drunk or sober, like to talk about themselves more than anything else. So, when faced with an awkward social situation, ask the person questions. "How do you know so and so?" "What are some fun/interesting things to do around here?" If it is a stranger, find out what is interesting to them, act like it is interesting to you too, look for common interests, and just keep asking them questions. They will love to spend time with you because a) you make them feel interesting and b) you let them talk about themself, which people love to do.

Give it a try. It's really pretty easy.

GnikNus

I am an introvert. Alcohol used to be a tool for the anxiety and awkwardness that comes from interacting with others. My drinking career lasted 17 years.
Paradoxically, I have found social interactions easier now that I've "drained the pool." I think it may have something to do with being more comfortable in my own skin than I ever was as a drinker. Anyway, thought I'd throw that out there. Not everyone is the same, but this was my experience. It hasn't turned me into a socializer- I am still very introverted, it just makes social situations ( which I still take part in only if unavoidable) more tolerable.

shockozulu

Attending AA speaker meetings and sitting in the back so I could get out and take a few breaths if I became overwhelmed is how I first started coming out of that shell. I was the same as you in my early sobriety. You aren't alone in those feelings.

bringm32lif30

That is exactly the truth!!! I don't even remember what I was talking about the next day,I don't remember the conversations. It just give me the willingness to talk!!! And I don't even speak my truth, because I'm compleatly different person. It gaves me nothing but false confidance....
I'm still not sure about meetings, but I'm considering starting new activities with more people ivolved. Maybe volunteer for some events I'm afraid to go by myself Or will go for acting classes for adults.
I feel better today, and the urges to drink are gone for now...
There is times when I believe in myself that I can do this and I will be ok. I'm so sick and tired being prisoner of my own mind and believe system...I'm looking forward to follow my plan.
I will always be more introverted, but I guess I will have to accept myself the way I am and to stop trying to be something else that I think it will be more acceptable for other people. I will search for the place and people where I will fit in just the way I am...
I spend all my life trying to run away from myself....it is time to dig deep and just to face the truth. I'm on my journey to autenticity!

awuh1

Authenticity is a great goal. Start by not being so hard on yourself. The things you are telling yourself are causing you to feel afraid. Things like, "I'm more socially awkward I can't be around people for long time, don't know what I have to talk about, how to act, I'm very conscious always self critisizing....also I think I'm boring". This sort of thinking generates fear which in turn generates more of these thoughts etc. Authenticity means being yourself. The fear is not you. It's just an emotion.

I believe all people have worth and value. They just need to find how they can contribute to the greater good. Focus on what you can contribute and you will go a long way towards fitting in.

AA is actually a great place to find people who have learned how to do this. I've heard many stories from people who drank for the same sort of reasons you drank. They have gotten past this and are there to help.

If you go you might eventually be able to help others who feel like you do now.

Gottalife

That social awkwardness Is what adolescence is all about. I started on the bottle at abour 13 or 14, so I dodged adolescence until I sobered up. At 22 I was totally raw, emotionally still 13 years old. I had to go through the growing pains of a teenager in my twenties. It was as simple as that.

I have watched my dhildren go through it. They took some serious knocks on their journey to aldulthood. It was part of growing up.

chrcarlson

Alcohol was magic at 14 at 50 not so much