I just can't do it anymore
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 23
I just can't do it anymore
Thought things were starting to head in a better direction with abf. He had almost 6 months clean then something seemed "off" when I saw him on Sunday. His eyes were pinned but he was acting fine.
Monday morning he was "just walking" and rolled his ankle and broke it. I went over to take him to the hospital and he had obviously been using. Turns out he had a pretty significant break and they needed to keep him overnight to do surgery. I stayed all day and most of the night with him because I just couldn't leave him even though I knew I was done.
He was verbally abusive to me at the hospital. He was using that morning and he won't be able to ever convince me that the injury is not related to that. I just can't play this game anymore. A broken leg isn't a free-pass to be an a-hole. He keeps asking, "why did this have to happen to me?" Like the universe just up and broke his leg for no reasons. Dude, you were high and you fell - that's why it happened. Ugh.
Now he's at his parents house with a script for Vicodin and I just can't even imagine what a nightmare he will be for the next 6 weeks and probably longer. He acted like a child in the hospital and it's clear he does not handle frustration very well. I cannot stick around hoping that he won't abuse the Vicodin and have a full-blown relapse.
I told him my concerns last night and he said, "leave then." So I did. I blocked him from everything. Usually I would want to talk it out, explain my side of it, etc. but this time there was nothing. I'm sure he's making me out to be a giant B for abandoning him when he's injured. But I don't care. I cannot waste any more of my life hoping things will be different.
In my head I rationally know I did the right thing but maybe a few of you could help remind me of that. I just feel so sad right now. The first couple days of no contact are the hardest and I don't want to slip up this time.
Monday morning he was "just walking" and rolled his ankle and broke it. I went over to take him to the hospital and he had obviously been using. Turns out he had a pretty significant break and they needed to keep him overnight to do surgery. I stayed all day and most of the night with him because I just couldn't leave him even though I knew I was done.
He was verbally abusive to me at the hospital. He was using that morning and he won't be able to ever convince me that the injury is not related to that. I just can't play this game anymore. A broken leg isn't a free-pass to be an a-hole. He keeps asking, "why did this have to happen to me?" Like the universe just up and broke his leg for no reasons. Dude, you were high and you fell - that's why it happened. Ugh.
Now he's at his parents house with a script for Vicodin and I just can't even imagine what a nightmare he will be for the next 6 weeks and probably longer. He acted like a child in the hospital and it's clear he does not handle frustration very well. I cannot stick around hoping that he won't abuse the Vicodin and have a full-blown relapse.
I told him my concerns last night and he said, "leave then." So I did. I blocked him from everything. Usually I would want to talk it out, explain my side of it, etc. but this time there was nothing. I'm sure he's making me out to be a giant B for abandoning him when he's injured. But I don't care. I cannot waste any more of my life hoping things will be different.
In my head I rationally know I did the right thing but maybe a few of you could help remind me of that. I just feel so sad right now. The first couple days of no contact are the hardest and I don't want to slip up this time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
((mcm)) Of course you did the right thing. The right thing is often not the easy thing. As you know, and I've been told here a million times, rationalizing with someone in active addiction as if they were a normally rational functional adult is simply impossible. You realized that when he said "leave then" and you did. I think you realized at that point that responding how you usually would have would have gotten you absolutely nowhere. What it would have done is left you with more hurt, confusion, pain... It is best you ripped the band aid. You know where this train leads, and I think you've realized you don't want to be on it any longer. Rather, your health and well being depends on you getting off.
Prayers for you.
Prayers for you.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: My Hive
Posts: 81
Addiction sucks BIG time
You absolutely did the right thing..Good Job..
I'm going through the same thing with my Husband. I love him very much, BUT I left him.. HE left me no other choice.
Be careful it is soooo easy to get hooked right back into a relationship.. It's been a month and I have had some "slip ups" .
SR is my sanity life line, it keeps me mentally grounded. It's so good to get feedback from all of the wonderful people on here
You absolutely did the right thing..Good Job..
I'm going through the same thing with my Husband. I love him very much, BUT I left him.. HE left me no other choice.
Be careful it is soooo easy to get hooked right back into a relationship.. It's been a month and I have had some "slip ups" .
SR is my sanity life line, it keeps me mentally grounded. It's so good to get feedback from all of the wonderful people on here
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
In my head I rationally know I did the right thing but maybe a few of you could help remind me of that. I just feel so sad right now. The first couple days of no contact are the hardest and I don't want to slip up this time.
It's best to stay as far away from that as you can. Your heart will hurt for days, even weeks, but try to imagine what your life would be like in the middle of his relapse, and then ask yourself what's preferable.
Hang tough, kid.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
Now he's at his parents house with a script for Vicodin
addict + Vicodin = disaster
That vicodin is a HUGE danger sign. You did the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,004
So so sorry for what you are going through mcm. And what you did was exactly right. You got it.
I used to agonize about what I would say to my XABF. Just leaving is what really matters.
May many good things come your way soon.
I used to agonize about what I would say to my XABF. Just leaving is what really matters.
May many good things come your way soon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: El Cajon
Posts: 14
Originally Posted by mcm19 
Thought things were starting to head in a better direction with abf. He had almost 6 months clean then something seemed "off" when I saw him on Sunday. His eyes were pinned but he was acting fine.
Monday morning he was "just walking" and rolled his ankle and broke it. I went over to take him to the hospital and he had obviously been using. Turns out he had a pretty significant break and they needed to keep him overnight to do surgery. I stayed all day and most of the night with him because I just couldn't leave him even though I knew I was done.
He was verbally abusive to me at the hospital. He was using that morning and he won't be able to ever convince me that the injury is not related to that. I just can't play this game anymore. A broken leg isn't a free-pass to be an a-hole. He keeps asking, "why did this have to happen to me?" Like the universe just up and broke his leg for no reasons. Dude, you were high and you fell - that's why it happened. Ugh.
Now he's at his parents house with a script for Vicodin and I just can't even imagine what a nightmare he will be for the next 6 weeks and probably longer. He acted like a child in the hospital and it's clear he does not handle frustration very well. I cannot stick around hoping that he won't abuse the Vicodin and have a full-blown relapse.
I told him my concerns last night and he said, "leave then." So I did. I blocked him from everything. Usually I would want to talk it out, explain my side of it, etc. but this time there was nothing. I'm sure he's making me out to be a giant B for abandoning him when he's injured. But I don't care. I cannot waste any more of my life hoping things will be different.
In my head I rationally know I did the right thing but maybe a few of you could help remind me of that. I just feel so sad right now. The first couple days of no contact are the hardest and I don't want to slip up this time.
Monday morning he was "just walking" and rolled his ankle and broke it. I went over to take him to the hospital and he had obviously been using. Turns out he had a pretty significant break and they needed to keep him overnight to do surgery. I stayed all day and most of the night with him because I just couldn't leave him even though I knew I was done.
He was verbally abusive to me at the hospital. He was using that morning and he won't be able to ever convince me that the injury is not related to that. I just can't play this game anymore. A broken leg isn't a free-pass to be an a-hole. He keeps asking, "why did this have to happen to me?" Like the universe just up and broke his leg for no reasons. Dude, you were high and you fell - that's why it happened. Ugh.
Now he's at his parents house with a script for Vicodin and I just can't even imagine what a nightmare he will be for the next 6 weeks and probably longer. He acted like a child in the hospital and it's clear he does not handle frustration very well. I cannot stick around hoping that he won't abuse the Vicodin and have a full-blown relapse.
I told him my concerns last night and he said, "leave then." So I did. I blocked him from everything. Usually I would want to talk it out, explain my side of it, etc. but this time there was nothing. I'm sure he's making me out to be a giant B for abandoning him when he's injured. But I don't care. I cannot waste any more of my life hoping things will be different.
In my head I rationally know I did the right thing but maybe a few of you could help remind me of that. I just feel so sad right now. The first couple days of no contact are the hardest and I don't want to slip up this time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 23
Thank you for all your replies. It just sucks that I worry about what him and his family think of me. Instead of thinking of me as someone who loved him and couldn't stand being hurt anymore, I'm sure it's more like how uncaring and insensitive I am.
I know it doesn't matter what they think. I loved him. And gave him every opportunity to change and show me he cared and he disappointed me every time. And that doesn't make me "crazy" or "too sensitive"
I know it doesn't matter what they think. I loved him. And gave him every opportunity to change and show me he cared and he disappointed me every time. And that doesn't make me "crazy" or "too sensitive"
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by mcm19
Thank you for all your replies. It just sucks that I worry about what him and his family think of me. Instead of thinking of me as someone who loved him and couldn't stand being hurt anymore, I'm sure it's more like how uncaring and insensitive I am.
I know it doesn't matter what they think. I loved him. And gave him every opportunity to change and show me he cared and he disappointed me every time. And that doesn't make me "crazy" or "too sensitive"
I know it doesn't matter what they think. I loved him. And gave him every opportunity to change and show me he cared and he disappointed me every time. And that doesn't make me "crazy" or "too sensitive"
My STBX's mom wrote a statement about me for our divorce. She said whenever I don't get my way I accuse him of terrible, hurtful things like being a pedophile. Never mind the fact that I caught him talking to 15 year old girls and walked in on him in his underwear with his friend's 9 year old son on his lap. She was so angry with me for ever even entertaining this thought that I let her talk me into believing him- sort of. "How could you think that," she said. It's F****. He would never do that." Oh, so if anyone else did it, they'd be a total pedophile. But since it's him, and he's your son, it's completely normal.
Really, this is how sick family can be. Even the family members who don't know these details do know he's put me and my children through hell. They know that he's endangered my kids. They know that my life has been an endless rollercoaster of trying to save him from himself. But that hasn't stopped them from sending in statement after statement of how much he loves his kids. I'm sure every addict loves their kids! That is not the issue. But I digress.
Whew! Sorry for veering into my own issues (I tend to do that lately). Just wanted to reassure you it is absolutely no business of yours what they think of you, and you can really mess yourself up worrying about that. They are trapped in delusion and nothing you can say will change that. Think about how long it took you- and you were subjected to his insanity on a daily basis!
Best of luck to you. Stay strong.
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