First birthday sober
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 103
First birthday sober
Tomorrow is my birthday... and its a big one.. 40 years old. And today I feel weird. This will be my first birthday not completely wasted on alcohol (and sometimes drugs) in 22 years. I am 132 days sober. I am grateful and sad at the same time. I am sooo grateful to have found sobriety and started this journey, but there is this part of me today that is mourning "my youth." I am wishing that I could have a celebratory drink. I am wishing that I was gathering at a nice restaurant with friends and expensive wine like I used to. I want to have mimosas in the morning. I want alcohol to do for me, what it used to. I want to be carefree and not know what I now know. I am feeling sorry for myself.
I have so much to be grateful for. I am healthy and strong. I have an amazing partner, friends who care. I live in a beautiful place. I have a dog who is pure love and joy. I am financially secure. I am sober and reconnecting with my soul. I have a different kind of freedom.
I AM grateful,... just sad at the same exact time. 40 is weird enough for a woman, without throwing newly sober on the emotional pile. I am not going to drink, I just needed to share this and get it off my chest, so thanks in advance to anyone who "listened."
I have so much to be grateful for. I am healthy and strong. I have an amazing partner, friends who care. I live in a beautiful place. I have a dog who is pure love and joy. I am financially secure. I am sober and reconnecting with my soul. I have a different kind of freedom.
I AM grateful,... just sad at the same exact time. 40 is weird enough for a woman, without throwing newly sober on the emotional pile. I am not going to drink, I just needed to share this and get it off my chest, so thanks in advance to anyone who "listened."
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Happy birthday!
Well imagine 50, for a woman. Start drinking again and you'll look 70, probably will have completely lost your waistline, might not have all those great things you have now. But if you stay sober, the opposite of those things will probably be true!
Keep up the good work.
Well imagine 50, for a woman. Start drinking again and you'll look 70, probably will have completely lost your waistline, might not have all those great things you have now. But if you stay sober, the opposite of those things will probably be true!
Keep up the good work.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: United kingdom
Posts: 360
Happy birthday, I went out with a friend tonight to celebrate his 40th birthday. We were both sober I'm about 94 days and he is about 87 days. He used to be more of a rampant drinker than me and he runs three pubs. I told him I felt it amazing that he was sober on his 40th. I do think that's a very special thing to be able to say. You should be so proud of yourself
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
Happy bday Turtle. I am turning 40 in August so I can relate to the mixed feelings. I'm not where I thought I would be in life as I approach 40 but it's a milestone that really has me determined to achieve lasting sobriety. I lost my 30's, an entire decade to alcoholism. However, people say 40 is the new 30 right?
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Happy birthday Turtle, I'm a couple of years behind you but I relate to the mixed emotions about ageing. Do you have any special plans to celebrate? Maybe do something different this year. If you used to go to a restaurant and have a big dinner celebration there, why not try a dinner at your home or at the home of a friend? Just to switch it up some.
I'll be thinking of you today and tomorrow.
I'll be thinking of you today and tomorrow.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Happy Birthday Turtle.
Can relate to this too - I too won't drink but have the same thoughts and mixed emotions and also have my first birthday sober next month which will I will be 45, one thing I will say though - since I turned 40 the problems definitely got much worse instead of better until I stopped.
As others said what a great way to start your 40's
Have a great day whatever you decide to do to celebrate.
Can relate to this too - I too won't drink but have the same thoughts and mixed emotions and also have my first birthday sober next month which will I will be 45, one thing I will say though - since I turned 40 the problems definitely got much worse instead of better until I stopped.
As others said what a great way to start your 40's
Have a great day whatever you decide to do to celebrate.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: South west uk
Posts: 960
Happy birthday turtle.
I hope you find something enjoyable to do, it will be nice to do something different to all of the others, once the day is over you will feel amazing doing something different and having a sober free birthday.
I hope you find something enjoyable to do, it will be nice to do something different to all of the others, once the day is over you will feel amazing doing something different and having a sober free birthday.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 103
Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes. It has been a great day spent with amazing friends that I am so extremely blessed to have in my life. I am so grateful to get this second chance to try life another way.
The pity party I had for myself last night ended after a good cry. The reality is, I've spent many birthdays so drunk I dont remember most of the evening. Ive had drunken emotional meltdowns in nice restaurants and fights on the street with my partner. The following day (or days as ive gotten older) is spent unable to get out of bed or function like an adult human being. Last year I ate pain killers on an empty stomach then polished off a bottle of champagne and some vodka only to get so sick at my "romantic" expensive dinner with my boyfriend that I puked in the bathroom of the restaurant and could barely touch my food. That is the reality, and I need to remember it, not romanticize it.
This year, I woke early feeling great. Gave gratitude to the universe. Spent the day outdoor surrounded by the immense beauty of this world and feeling loved. Every tear I cried today was one of joy. I am so blessed. I am home now snuggling with my dog... it is pure love and I will remember every bit of it. And tomorrow I get to do it all over again 😁
The pity party I had for myself last night ended after a good cry. The reality is, I've spent many birthdays so drunk I dont remember most of the evening. Ive had drunken emotional meltdowns in nice restaurants and fights on the street with my partner. The following day (or days as ive gotten older) is spent unable to get out of bed or function like an adult human being. Last year I ate pain killers on an empty stomach then polished off a bottle of champagne and some vodka only to get so sick at my "romantic" expensive dinner with my boyfriend that I puked in the bathroom of the restaurant and could barely touch my food. That is the reality, and I need to remember it, not romanticize it.
This year, I woke early feeling great. Gave gratitude to the universe. Spent the day outdoor surrounded by the immense beauty of this world and feeling loved. Every tear I cried today was one of joy. I am so blessed. I am home now snuggling with my dog... it is pure love and I will remember every bit of it. And tomorrow I get to do it all over again 😁
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 563
What a wonderful birthday, Turtle! I too used to romanticize things, and what you described was much closer to my reality as well. That has been what's made it "easy" for me to stay sober. Because that's what I have to go back to: getting completely messed up and sick and embarrassing myself and hating myself. What we've got in sobriety is so much more fulfilling than the "happiness" that I thought alcohol brought me.
I'm glad you are well and thank you for sharing
I'm glad you are well and thank you for sharing
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,499
Happy birthday Turtle! I'm glad you made yourself finish the pity party, because it's time for the real party to begin - your life! Welcome to the fabulous forties! You sound like you have a lot to be grateful for.
Life's like a tennis match. Theoretically, you can win no matter how many sets you're down, if you focus on winning each point. So long as the match ain't over, you're still in it.
You've already given yourself a boost by getting sober. Whatever challenges lie on the other side of the net, boy, they won't know what's changed all of a sudden. Whether you're slogging it out and hitting winners from the baseline or smashing it at the net, you're firing up now! And we're cheering from the stands!
.
Life's like a tennis match. Theoretically, you can win no matter how many sets you're down, if you focus on winning each point. So long as the match ain't over, you're still in it.
You've already given yourself a boost by getting sober. Whatever challenges lie on the other side of the net, boy, they won't know what's changed all of a sudden. Whether you're slogging it out and hitting winners from the baseline or smashing it at the net, you're firing up now! And we're cheering from the stands!
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