Would you marry an alcoholic?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: New York
Posts: 105
Would you marry an alcoholic?
I am engaged to an alcoholic. He gets alcohol withdrawal seizures. We have been together for 2 years now. He has been an alcoholic for 7.
3 months ago, I quit on our relationship and moved out. Since then, he has tried quitting multiple times and failed and have had 2 seizures.
Getting over him has been exhausting and so I decided to give him another chance. He has bought a breathalyzer and he texts me his test result every 6-8 hours or whenever I ask. He said he will go to therapy again and also take medications if that will increase our chances to get back together. I am scared of going back to him. But I am also terrified of being away from him because I love him. Would you marry an alcoholic?
3 months ago, I quit on our relationship and moved out. Since then, he has tried quitting multiple times and failed and have had 2 seizures.
Getting over him has been exhausting and so I decided to give him another chance. He has bought a breathalyzer and he texts me his test result every 6-8 hours or whenever I ask. He said he will go to therapy again and also take medications if that will increase our chances to get back together. I am scared of going back to him. But I am also terrified of being away from him because I love him. Would you marry an alcoholic?
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hoping, why don't you come and read on the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum?
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I think you will find a lot of relevant information there.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I think you will find a lot of relevant information there.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Do you want to marry an alcoholic? Can you have a trusting and honest relationship based on multiple daily breathalyzer tests? I hope your boyfriend decides to stop drinking and I hope that you seek support for yourself. We have a forum for Friends & Families on this board and you might also look into AlAnon.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: former texan
Posts: 216
That's like asking me if I'd marry me, or get in a relationship with me between 2009- and 2015. The answer would be a resounding NO.
While I may have had some redeeming qualities (loving, loyal, yada yada) none of them would have been enough to get me to marry me.
We can't choose who we love, that's true. We can choose how we decide to be in their lives.
best of luck to you
While I may have had some redeeming qualities (loving, loyal, yada yada) none of them would have been enough to get me to marry me.
We can't choose who we love, that's true. We can choose how we decide to be in their lives.
best of luck to you
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,334
That's a hard question to answer, but I'd definitely take some time...in fact a lot of time! Like Anna said, get yourself some support and he can work on his sobriety. If it were me, I'd make sure he had a number of years of sobriety under his belt before considering an engagement.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Originally Posted by justbrowsing 
I close gf of mine married a recovered alcoholic. Their wedding was dry. They met in church. Still happy after years of marriage. So, it depends.
. Still don't think I'd marry me.... Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Originally Posted by SoberLife90
I would never marry an alcoholic in active addiction.
I would possibly marry an alcoholic in recovery, but that would depend on that persons recovery - how long have they been sober, are they working a program etc.
I married someone who was a social drinker who, after the wedding, started to really abuse alcohol. There are no guarantees in life, but I know for sure I'd never marry an alcoholic who is actively addicted. That is a guarantee
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
I would consider marrying someone who was steadfast in recovery, having gained a good chunk of sober time (at least a year) with an ongoing plan to stay in recovery. It's the same consideration I'd want from a potential mate.
The situation described by the original poster? No way.
The situation described by the original poster? No way.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
No, having grown up with one as parent, become one myself,
and now married to one
NO
NO
NO
and now married to one
NO
NO
NO
As you may have noticed, it can be a Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde situation. Nice one day, mean as can be the next. He couldn't take it anymore and I don't blame him. I wouldn't listen to an alcoholic who SAYS he or she is going to change - look for action
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 874
No.
I wouldn't even date someone who is an alcoholic.
Maybe some counseling would be in order if you're struggling. You love him and want to help him. This sounds like co-dependency to me. You can't fix him so love yourself and move on.
Think of it this way: if your daughter was dating this guy, what would you tell her? "Take care of your self, he'll make a lousy husband".
I know its hard, but you need to walk away. Many of us walked away from our relationship with alcohol. It's hard to give it up. But its one of the best decisions ever.
I wouldn't even date someone who is an alcoholic.
Maybe some counseling would be in order if you're struggling. You love him and want to help him. This sounds like co-dependency to me. You can't fix him so love yourself and move on.
Think of it this way: if your daughter was dating this guy, what would you tell her? "Take care of your self, he'll make a lousy husband".
I know its hard, but you need to walk away. Many of us walked away from our relationship with alcohol. It's hard to give it up. But its one of the best decisions ever.
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