The horse thief
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 65
The horse thief
June 25th is my 39th wedding anniversary. June 22nd is the day my marriage ended two years ago. That was the day my husband, in his drunken need to make his family suffer, fired a gun in my house so we would think he had killed himself and then turned the gun on himself so we would think he was about to really do it. The first gun shot was to get us upstairs so we could see him with the gun to his head. I'll never believe he planned to kill himself. This was to punish us. My daughter and I left. I did go back for 7 weeks. That was all it took for him to decide he would rather have the freedom to drink when he wanted than have a family, and I left again.
The wisest thing I've read on this forum was this: What do you get when a horse thief stops drinking? You get a sober horse thief.
It took a while for that to ring true for me. And while our divorce will most likely never be finalized, I will never live with the horse thief again! I was so blind to the abuse. Not physical, but mental, and believe me, it's just as real. Why could I not see it when my little girl would come and ask, “Why do you let daddy talk to you like that?” You know what I told her? I said, “The good outweighs the bad.” But guess what? It didn't. I just didn't know I deserved better. And I kept my child in that mess. In the end, she got me out instead of me getting her out. She was in college in 2014. She suffers PTSD because of that awful night. She would not go back home and I wouldn't go home without her. I stayed away just long enough to see that I deserved a life free of the name calling, tantrums, and uncertainty. I didn't know how peaceful a home could be free of the horse thief.
I'd like to tell you that your advise helped me to move on but it didn't. It was my daughter. What you did do was help me not feel so alone. You gave me a place to vent when I had no one to vent to. You gave me advise that I would accept when I was ready to accept it. Some of you were so afraid for me that you wanted to reach across the internet and drag me to safety. And I thank every one of you.
The wisest thing I've read on this forum was this: What do you get when a horse thief stops drinking? You get a sober horse thief.
It took a while for that to ring true for me. And while our divorce will most likely never be finalized, I will never live with the horse thief again! I was so blind to the abuse. Not physical, but mental, and believe me, it's just as real. Why could I not see it when my little girl would come and ask, “Why do you let daddy talk to you like that?” You know what I told her? I said, “The good outweighs the bad.” But guess what? It didn't. I just didn't know I deserved better. And I kept my child in that mess. In the end, she got me out instead of me getting her out. She was in college in 2014. She suffers PTSD because of that awful night. She would not go back home and I wouldn't go home without her. I stayed away just long enough to see that I deserved a life free of the name calling, tantrums, and uncertainty. I didn't know how peaceful a home could be free of the horse thief.
I'd like to tell you that your advise helped me to move on but it didn't. It was my daughter. What you did do was help me not feel so alone. You gave me a place to vent when I had no one to vent to. You gave me advise that I would accept when I was ready to accept it. Some of you were so afraid for me that you wanted to reach across the internet and drag me to safety. And I thank every one of you.
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 65
I filed no fault. We were not arguing about property. No minor children. I didn't want anything from him. But the judge won't grant the divorce until the property settlement is complete. He won't do the paperwork. We've already sold the house, have been living separately for 19 months (this time). My car is in my name. The only thing that we own together is an old credit card debt that we are paying off each month. The account has been closed. I don't have the money for a contested divorce that would force him to do his part. I really don't have the energy to fight with him. We have gone our separate ways. I filed Income tax married filing separate. And have NO desire to date or marry again. I am loving my life by myself! If I remember correctly, you are an attorney, right? I just have one legal question. If he stops paying his bills that he incurred AFTER the separation and filing, can I be held accountable for them? I know it's specific to each state but I can't figure out how to find out without having to pay even more and right now I just don't have it. Thanks.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Cherra,
Good for you for moving on with out your addict. My dd was the one who pushed me to leave also, after 34 years together. She said "he will never make you happy, so why stay". I couldn't have agreed more, but it was those words that hit the cord. When your child is telling you to get out, some how you listen. It makes me sad that I did not protect my DD's from his mess.
I am out now, happy, content. Life is so normal without an addict in your life.
Hugs my friend and congratulations on your independence. you are so Worthy!!
Good for you for moving on with out your addict. My dd was the one who pushed me to leave also, after 34 years together. She said "he will never make you happy, so why stay". I couldn't have agreed more, but it was those words that hit the cord. When your child is telling you to get out, some how you listen. It makes me sad that I did not protect my DD's from his mess.
I am out now, happy, content. Life is so normal without an addict in your life.
Hugs my friend and congratulations on your independence. you are so Worthy!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 65
I know! I feel so guilty that I stayed in that house. The horse thief was a horse thief even before he started drinking! I let him terrorize us all! I lived the lie and kept us all captive! And she won't let me take responsibility for the issues that she deals with as a result of growing up in that! It's easier to blame him.
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