Feeble
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
Feeble
That's how I feel.
On day 4 of no drinking. Been a problem drinker for neigh on 20 years, with short (as in a few weeks at a time) of abstaining.
Now Ive gotton myself into the position of no job, having to move into a place that is a slum in all but name (and a landlord to match)
There is so much to do to put things right, both with the place and my life.
But I don't have the drive and the confidence I used to have before. I'm in my 50s, and starting from the bottom seems so daunting.
I used to be fearless (probably what got me into such deep trouble with the drink anyway!)
That's all gone now, and even the thougts of confronting the landlord about the million and one things wrong with the flat (which of course, the letting agent working for him hid) and going for a job interview terrifies the life out of me.
I've never felt so feeble and fearful in my life..I need to pull myself together..and a bit sharpish too!
Did anyone else feel like this when they first (well 1,0001) gave up drinking.
I really dare not start drinking again, as the next rung down the ladder is the homeless hostel
On day 4 of no drinking. Been a problem drinker for neigh on 20 years, with short (as in a few weeks at a time) of abstaining.
Now Ive gotton myself into the position of no job, having to move into a place that is a slum in all but name (and a landlord to match)
There is so much to do to put things right, both with the place and my life.
But I don't have the drive and the confidence I used to have before. I'm in my 50s, and starting from the bottom seems so daunting.
I used to be fearless (probably what got me into such deep trouble with the drink anyway!)
That's all gone now, and even the thougts of confronting the landlord about the million and one things wrong with the flat (which of course, the letting agent working for him hid) and going for a job interview terrifies the life out of me.
I've never felt so feeble and fearful in my life..I need to pull myself together..and a bit sharpish too!
Did anyone else feel like this when they first (well 1,0001) gave up drinking.
I really dare not start drinking again, as the next rung down the ladder is the homeless hostel
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Worries for the future and regret over the past made it difficult for me to keep sober today . Today is more important to get through sober .
I keep my ceiling low , focus on doing the next right thing , try and live well within my means and things have been ok .
You can build again, it's done one step and one day at a time ..
bestwishes, m
I keep my ceiling low , focus on doing the next right thing , try and live well within my means and things have been ok .
You can build again, it's done one step and one day at a time ..
bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I do relate to the internal desperation you're experiencing. I know this may sound insensitive, but for some of us that's what it takes to finally see that booze will completely destroy us if we don't quit.
I try not to dwell on yesterday as it is done and dusted. Tomorrow hasn't happened. I live in the moment and create a plan for each day that is structured around not drinking, improving my health and moving closer to my goals. Its incremental daily good choices. The next right thing. I work on being grateful that I'm sober, that I'm not dead and that if I stay sober I have a chance. I force myself to not feel self pity....at all. Or if I do, process it and move on, turn it around. It requires effort.
Day 4 is great. You can do this.
I try not to dwell on yesterday as it is done and dusted. Tomorrow hasn't happened. I live in the moment and create a plan for each day that is structured around not drinking, improving my health and moving closer to my goals. Its incremental daily good choices. The next right thing. I work on being grateful that I'm sober, that I'm not dead and that if I stay sober I have a chance. I force myself to not feel self pity....at all. Or if I do, process it and move on, turn it around. It requires effort.
Day 4 is great. You can do this.
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
Originally Posted by mecanix 
Worries for the future and regret over the past made it difficult for me to keep sober today . Today is more important to get through sober .
I keep my ceiling low , focus on doing the next right thing , try and live well within my means and things have been ok .
You can build again, it's done one step and one day at a time ..
bestwishes, m
I keep my ceiling low , focus on doing the next right thing , try and live well within my means and things have been ok .
You can build again, it's done one step and one day at a time ..
bestwishes, m
Keep my ceiling low. What does that mean? Narrow your vision to "day at a time" or not set expectations too high? I'm not trying to be funny, I just want to understand how people get out of this mindset
When they have let themselves sink so low Ive really never felt like this before. I really don't know what to do with the "hopeless, helpless emptiness"
Ive always been a fighter..all my life, nothing has ever brought me to my knees (mentally) but this has.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi fripfrop, the fear that alcohol put in me was a driving factor in making me quit. No one deserves to lives their life in fear and full of insecurity. The good news is that it goes away with time and your fearless self will return.
Use this site to your advantage.
Use this site to your advantage.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Getting out of it - inch by inch. Seriously - I hated hearing "one day at a time" but it is true. I have gradually been able to address my to-dos and definitely wasn't at day 4, so be kind to yourself.
It sounds like you know how dire your situation is- huge!- and I swear, the only thing you can do is take baby steps in all areas. It will get easier if you stay sober. Maybe that means you decide to eat breakfast. Then eat lunch. Then eat dinner. And you call your landlord - or leave a note on his door, addressing one of the problems? That would be an amazing day! Then go to bed - and start again.
This is all advice to myself, to remember what I did and have progressed to doing - at 105 days in, I still make a daily to do list and while it is different and I am stronger, I still include items like stretch and read a chapter in a fiction book as items, for example.
You can do this - I hope you do.
It sounds like you know how dire your situation is- huge!- and I swear, the only thing you can do is take baby steps in all areas. It will get easier if you stay sober. Maybe that means you decide to eat breakfast. Then eat lunch. Then eat dinner. And you call your landlord - or leave a note on his door, addressing one of the problems? That would be an amazing day! Then go to bed - and start again.
This is all advice to myself, to remember what I did and have progressed to doing - at 105 days in, I still make a daily to do list and while it is different and I am stronger, I still include items like stretch and read a chapter in a fiction book as items, for example.
You can do this - I hope you do.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233
I'm sorry you are feeling so low. I do relate to the internal desperation you're experiencing. I know this may sound insensitive, but for some of us that's what it takes to finally see that booze will completely destroy us if we don't quit.
I try not to dwell on yesterday as it is done and dusted. Tomorrow hasn't happened. I live in the moment and create a plan for each day that is structured around not drinking, improving my health and moving closer to my goals. Its incremental daily good choices. The next right thing. I work on being grateful that I'm sober, that I'm not dead and that if I stay sober I have a chance. I force myself to not feel self pity....at all. Or if I do, process it and move on, turn it around. It requires effort.
Day 4 is great. You can do this.
I try not to dwell on yesterday as it is done and dusted. Tomorrow hasn't happened. I live in the moment and create a plan for each day that is structured around not drinking, improving my health and moving closer to my goals. Its incremental daily good choices. The next right thing. I work on being grateful that I'm sober, that I'm not dead and that if I stay sober I have a chance. I force myself to not feel self pity....at all. Or if I do, process it and move on, turn it around. It requires effort.
Day 4 is great. You can do this.
I am not bothered about the past, like you I think the past is gone..just so worried about the future, as I am on benefits in England which after rent amount to £55 a week, and that is not enough for gas (for heating), ( £15 a week) electricity(£10 a week), water bill (£7 a week), tv licence(£3.50 a week) thats without even starting on food, toiletries, busfares, cleaning stuff.
I don't even know how I am going to feed myself. It's very bad in England, being on benefits now. Even though I have paid massive taxes all my life. I am now a low life, even if I didnt spend a penny on food or busfares or personal hygiene, would have trouble paying heating, electricity, council tax (which you must pay even when you are unemployed) £15 towards my rent, tv licence to the BBC (to have ANY live TV at all £150 a year)
All from £70 a week. And if you do not do what the government say ..ie they can make you work 35 hours a week to get £70 benefit (which I have done) . If you do not do EVERYTHING the benefit office tells you to, even by mistake (like missing ONE appointment with them). They "sanction" you. Which means they stop all payment. Once you do one thing wrong..no money for a month..next time in a year..no money for 3 months..3rd time in a year..no money for 3 years..even though you have paid taxes for 30 years! At 20% and the NI which is a big (meant to serve when you are ill or unemployed) amount..you are lucky in this country if you get 1/2 of your wages home..now they do this when you need the system you have paid into all your life!
Anyway know this rage isnt helping
Frickaflip, thankyou for taking the time to reply to me. I have taken onboard what you are saying. You make sense. I just need that spark..that ignites my boiler, my piolet light has gone out!
I know it's no good raging against the "system" the rich, powerful, illuminati, have it all sown up. Us poor minnions working to pay their way
Its the fear of never being able to take control again, from people who are out for profit (landlord, government making off with taxes and giving nothing back). It's the POWERLESSNESS, that is killing me
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
Originally Posted by thomas11
Hi fripfrop, the fear that alcohol put in me was a driving factor in making me quit. No one deserves to lives their life in fear and full of insecurity. The good news is that it goes away with time and your fearless self will return.
Use this site to your advantage.
Use this site to your advantage.
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
Originally Posted by August252015
Getting out of it - inch by inch. Seriously - I hated hearing "one day at a time" but it is true. I have gradually been able to address my to-dos and definitely wasn't at day 4, so be kind to yourself.
It sounds like you know how dire your situation is- huge!- and I swear, the only thing you can do is take baby steps in all areas. It will get easier if you stay sober. Maybe that means you decide to eat breakfast. Then eat lunch. Then eat dinner. And you call your landlord - or leave a note on his door, addressing one of the problems? That would be an amazing day! Then go to bed - and start again.
This is all advice to myself, to remember what I did and have progressed to doing - at 105 days in, I still make a daily to do list and while it is different and I am stronger, I still include items like stretch and read a chapter in a fiction book as items, for example.
You can do this - I hope you do.
It sounds like you know how dire your situation is- huge!- and I swear, the only thing you can do is take baby steps in all areas. It will get easier if you stay sober. Maybe that means you decide to eat breakfast. Then eat lunch. Then eat dinner. And you call your landlord - or leave a note on his door, addressing one of the problems? That would be an amazing day! Then go to bed - and start again.
This is all advice to myself, to remember what I did and have progressed to doing - at 105 days in, I still make a daily to do list and while it is different and I am stronger, I still include items like stretch and read a chapter in a fiction book as items, for example.
You can do this - I hope you do.
I am taking onboard what you (and everyone) is saying. Bite size. I will do what you say, and email and txt the landlord with one complaint a day. Until he does something!!
I like the "to do" list I had a very simple one when I was young before my PTSD was treated.. and I was insane! And it worked very well..I forgot about that. It included things like "brush your teeth, wash the dishes, sweep the floor"
I think I need to go back to that...inch by inch..day by day...everyone who has replied has been so helpful..thankyou
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I think if anyone says they haven't felt the way you have described then they are lying to themselves.
Take everything one small step at a time instead of just thinking about the endless amount of obstacles you need to overcome or fix. I have found taking it one day at a time, with a small goal for each day or numerous small goals for different parts of the day has gotten me moving forward and it all seems a lot less scary and daunting. The more you get done and overcome the more your self esteem and fearlessness will return Finding self empowerment through action and goal setting has been my way of building my self-esteem, self-love, and self-respect. You can do it!
Take everything one small step at a time instead of just thinking about the endless amount of obstacles you need to overcome or fix. I have found taking it one day at a time, with a small goal for each day or numerous small goals for different parts of the day has gotten me moving forward and it all seems a lot less scary and daunting. The more you get done and overcome the more your self esteem and fearlessness will return
Finding self empowerment through action and goal setting has been my way of building my self-esteem, self-love, and self-respect. You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I know the UK system is broken. I'm sorry you're caught in that cycle. It scares me to see the US moving toward more and more socialism. I don't agree with it but I don't have the answers either. We are country of haves (top 1% having having more than 40% of all the wealth) and have nots (the bottom 80% has less than 7%) with a shrinking middle class...the tax burden resting firmly on their (my) backs. And Trump wants to lower taxes for the top 1% (him). Its criminal but I try not to think about it. I recognize you are mired in it right now....drinking will make it worse for sure. You will definitely save money not drinking....so that's a silver lining.
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
I know frickaflip..the whole world is broken..all by the greed of the few.
I cannot watch those ridiculous "real housewives" tv shows, it makes me too angry to see some idiot spend £40,000 on a bag or a necklace when people are dying from lack of money for the basics in life.
And to hear them say "It's not luck, I work damn hard for my money"
There are people who work a damn sight harder, and get paid peanuts for their efforts..all wrong
Anyway, as you say, drinking will make things worse, for sure..not solve all the problems..and yes..I will have more money
Thankyou
I cannot watch those ridiculous "real housewives" tv shows, it makes me too angry to see some idiot spend £40,000 on a bag or a necklace when people are dying from lack of money for the basics in life.
And to hear them say "It's not luck, I work damn hard for my money"
There are people who work a damn sight harder, and get paid peanuts for their efforts..all wrong
Anyway, as you say, drinking will make things worse, for sure..not solve all the problems..and yes..I will have more money
Thankyou
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
Posts: 610
Originally Posted by AdelineRose
I think if anyone says they haven't felt the way you have described then they are lying to themselves.
Take everything one small step at a time instead of just thinking about the endless amount of obstacles you need to overcome or fix. I have found taking it one day at a time, with a small goal for each day or numerous small goals for different parts of the day has gotten me moving forward and it all seems a lot less scary and daunting. The more you get done and overcome the more your self esteem and fearlessness will return Finding self empowerment through action and goal setting has been my way of building my self-esteem, self-love, and self-respect. You can do it!
Take everything one small step at a time instead of just thinking about the endless amount of obstacles you need to overcome or fix. I have found taking it one day at a time, with a small goal for each day or numerous small goals for different parts of the day has gotten me moving forward and it all seems a lot less scary and daunting. The more you get done and overcome the more your self esteem and fearlessness will return
Finding self empowerment through action and goal setting has been my way of building my self-esteem, self-love, and self-respect. You can do it!
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