Almost fell off the Wagon :)
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
Almost fell off the Wagon :)
Hello all! I hope you are all learning and growing and doing better than the day before! I haven't been around for a very long time, but have not forgotten this place of sanity, support and education 
It's been almost 10 years since I started on my path of learning how to get off the code-train, and I think I have been doing great and each day is better, but yesterday, I almost fell off the wagon.
Not officially married, but as good as, I now have two step-sons (let's keep it simple). The 14 year old was outted by his mom with a joint his was "holding for a friend". First time "offense". Anticipating the mother would do as she usually does (oh no, he explained why he failed his final, he swears he'll never do it again ---- and of course it happens again and again) Anyhow - so mistake number 1 (or maybe 7). I assumed an outcome. Then I was going to write a post here asking for parents insight into what they might have done different if they could go back in time to their first episode, or what anyone has to say about this situation - mistake number 2 (or 53). And many other mistakes between.
While I love this child, he has two parents that co-parent. It's none of my business to a certain extent. They both know my history, and if they want my input they will ask. So, instead of writing to ask for help for people who didn't ask for my help, I'm here to let you know I didn't do it.
I truly hope the parents do well in nipping this in the bud and scaring this kid straight, but as we all know, love is not always enough. I am fine backing away, having no input and not becoming involved in a situation that is not mine. But I know my boundaries and I feel strong in my ability to enforce them. That feels great because years ago I wouldn't have been able to clarify a boundary to save my life and I'd be worrying - what can I do to make this better? What can I do to fix this for them? What can I do???? All of course without anyone actually asking for my help
I know it's not my kid, so it's much easier to do than a parent, but today the situation is about a kid I care very much for. I hope for the best for him and time will tell. In the meantime I will be making dinners as usual, going to work as usual, enjoying my friends and family as usual, living as usual knowing I have boundaries that I am fully capable of enforcing for myself!
I sincerely hope that you all are doing better than you were yesterday! Keep coming back, it works if you work it!
P.S. I remembered the other day about my ex reaching out to me by offering to let me fold his clothes to pack for a trip and how that made me feel guilty that he was reaching out to me and trying so hard and I wasn't grabbing hold! We all got a good laugh out of that one! I can't imagine today how I ever could have reacted and felt as I did! Thank goodness!
It's been almost 10 years since I started on my path of learning how to get off the code-train, and I think I have been doing great and each day is better, but yesterday, I almost fell off the wagon.
Not officially married, but as good as, I now have two step-sons (let's keep it simple). The 14 year old was outted by his mom with a joint his was "holding for a friend". First time "offense". Anticipating the mother would do as she usually does (oh no, he explained why he failed his final, he swears he'll never do it again ---- and of course it happens again and again) Anyhow - so mistake number 1 (or maybe 7). I assumed an outcome. Then I was going to write a post here asking for parents insight into what they might have done different if they could go back in time to their first episode, or what anyone has to say about this situation - mistake number 2 (or 53). And many other mistakes between.
While I love this child, he has two parents that co-parent. It's none of my business to a certain extent. They both know my history, and if they want my input they will ask. So, instead of writing to ask for help for people who didn't ask for my help, I'm here to let you know I didn't do it
. I truly hope the parents do well in nipping this in the bud and scaring this kid straight, but as we all know, love is not always enough. I am fine backing away, having no input and not becoming involved in a situation that is not mine. But I know my boundaries and I feel strong in my ability to enforce them. That feels great because years ago I wouldn't have been able to clarify a boundary to save my life and I'd be worrying - what can I do to make this better? What can I do to fix this for them? What can I do???? All of course without anyone actually asking for my help
I know it's not my kid, so it's much easier to do than a parent, but today the situation is about a kid I care very much for. I hope for the best for him and time will tell. In the meantime I will be making dinners as usual, going to work as usual, enjoying my friends and family as usual, living as usual knowing I have boundaries that I am fully capable of enforcing for myself!
I sincerely hope that you all are doing better than you were yesterday! Keep coming back, it works if you work it!
P.S. I remembered the other day about my ex reaching out to me by offering to let me fold his clothes to pack for a trip and how that made me feel guilty that he was reaching out to me and trying so hard and I wasn't grabbing hold! We all got a good laugh out of that one! I can't imagine today how I ever could have reacted and felt as I did! Thank goodness!
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: To the North
Posts: 1,086
If you've seen my other post, which I posted on accident, I apparently didn't do as well as I thought, but I do know better. Saying that, the input the other post inspired is inspirational, as always! you are all the best!
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Originally Posted by BayAreaPhoenix 
But I know my boundaries and I feel strong in my ability to enforce them. That feels great because years ago I wouldn't have been able to clarify a boundary to save my life and I'd be worrying - what can I do to make this better? What can I do to fix this for them? What can I do???? All of course without anyone actually asking for my help
My life is much more manageable now that I continue to work on keeping boundaries in place. I almost slipped (!) this past weekend, wanting to try and 'fix' a conflict between close family members, but common sense took over and I chose to step back and keep my boundary in place. What a relief.
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