Behappy1

So I am on day 17ish of sobriety. I went through counseling about 3 months ago, quit drinking, relapsed a few times. Technically I "should" have about 100ish days sober, but I decided to test the waters.

I have been thinking about some of the things that my counselor and I discussed. One of them was viewing alcohol as the perpetrator. For me, it was my relief, relaxation, reward, my ticket to get away for several hours. To not think, obsess or analyze. I simply drank to shut down my mind for a bit. I looked forward to it most every day. Kind of like a "date" every night. My view of it was as a reward.

My counselor had me start writing down and thinking about all of the bad it has done in my life. All of the negatives. There were many. When I looked at on paper it was clear that alcohol was the perpetrator of most of the bad things occurring in my life.

Just thought this might be a helpful different view for those still on the fence of stopping. Of course getting that negative association to "stick" in my mindset can be tough. Especially on rough days when a "reward" would be nice. Yesterday was a day that had waves of cravings for me. BUT I am so glad that I woke up at 7:00 am by myself, without an alarm clock, rested and clear headed.

Had I have given into that "reward" thinking and drink, I would still be sleeping, hungover, foggy headed, headache and about 25% as productive as I will be today. Happy Sunday everyone! I am feeling very hopeful that this sobriety thing is actually starting to click with me! Hope this make sense and helps someone today.

entropy1964

Congrats on 17ish days!

My alcoholic is a zombie. It wants to eat me alive. And it was. And I was watching it. Yikes.

bunnezjp

I believe this is true except for alcohol being the direct perpetrator, which would imply that alcohol is to blame for our past behavior and the outomes. Alcohol is a "thing"; a substance, just a liquid. Alcohol didn't force its way down our throats, we chose to abuse it. Then we chose to keep doing so, regardless of the consequences.

Part of becoming Sober is to quit passing off blame.

Congrats on day 17!

~Bunnez

least

Congrats on 17 days sober! Keep going, it gets better.

maimaitreya

I believe that alcoholism is much more complex than the black and white of "we Chose" end of story. My father got me drunk when I was 8. Did I choose that? Also alcohol and alcoholism are to blame for our past action and consequences. Are we really responsible for things we do while blackout drunk? At what point does society itself weigh in with accountability in our alcohol fueled society? Alcohol fills govt coffers with tax money, what does that make them? Drug dealers living off others misery? It goes on and on. No easy answers here. Viewing alcohol as a negative is likely a good thing. See it for what it is.

Behappy1

Very true - the exercise was not at all to "pass the blame". It was to view alcohol negatively. I believe the brain plays a very powerful role in addiction. Neuropathways are altered. This association is suppose to help "reroute" those neuropathways. To associate alcohol negatively and not as a reward was the intent of this exercise. When the thought of alcohol pops into ones mind the immediate association of "reward" is replaced with "destruction".

I do know that alcohol is a "choice", just as a Big Mac is a choice vs a salad or something healthy. Exercise is a choice, just as not exercising is.

I also think that very early on in recovery I (personally) have beaten myself to a pulp with guilt, shame, anxiety, hatred. I cannot change the past, I can only do my very best for the future.

I absolutely believe that many things in life are a choice. But I obviously made the wrong choice until it became a habit, an addiction. I chose alcohol because it stopped my mind from overthinking. It gave me relief for a while.

Today I am choosing to get myself back, my life back, my happiness back!

Soberwolf

Keep reading & keep posting

thomas11

Its great your recognize that the temporary escape is not worth the issues it causes in the long run. I was a classical "reward/escape) drinker. Eventually it created its own problems that I wanted to escape from. It doesn't happen anymore. Ever.