Sinderos

My friend, who almost died and is in the hospital from drinking, was "kind" enough last night to suggest after I ran home to walk my dogs that I bring back a cocktail for me. Really?!?!?!? He knows I haven't drank liquor in 6+ months. Yeah, I have drank non-liquor alcoholic beverages, but he also knows of my struggle and desire to quit. I really think he wanted some which is why he suggested it.

That really put the final nail in the coffin for our relationship for me. It makes me feel he really doesn't get it. I had already been planning to move back to Florida in the next 4 weeks. While he was in ICU, I thought maybe I should reconsider. Now I know that our relationship is truly unhealthy and as long as I hold on to him, he will bring me down.

It is hard letting go, but it is detrimental to my well being to let go and remove myself from him completely. (As soon as he's well enough.)

On The Road

Sinderos

Please consider how important your sobriety is. That should be your primary focus, which means you'll have to make some serious decisions - even about relationships.

Be well.

ScottFromWI

Alcoholism is a pretty horrific thing. Glad you could be there for your friend but I'm glad you realize protecting yourself is paramount.

Opivotal

I believe your friend needs to go straight to rehab, when he's well enough.

He's stuck in his addiction. Are you the only person he has in his life?

Sinderos, please follow through with your plan. I know it's hard, but life is a precious gift. Save yours...you're worth it.

You've done all you can for him.

Sinderos

I am pretty much the only person in his life. Everyone else is at a distance. He wouldn't go to rehab. He doesn't think he drinks too much. He doesn't admit to having a problem. 96 ounces of beer in 5 hours then wanting more is a problem. Suggesting someone bring a cocktail to the hospital is a huge problem. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that suggestion.

I fully intend on sticking to my plan regardless of how difficult it is.

Nonsensical

My addiction has had plenty of bad ideas that I have given my voice to in the past.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself, but understand that your friend has a big problem and is not dealing with it effectively at the moment. Don't take it personally. His suggestion was about his addiction, not you.

oldsoul1122

I've heard of roundabout ways to get a drink but that's a first. Alcoholics can be cunning, baffling and powerful also. Stick to your guns and do the right thing for both of you. It's tough but when he's lost his one and only he could start moving in the right direction.

kittycat3

Nonsensical, you sure do seem to make a lot of sense I agree to not take your friends suggestion personally, it's his addiction talking, it's not about you. Try to have compassion. At the same time, take precautions to protect yourself from it. You may need to put some distance between you. You can love him from afar without jeopardizing your own health.
Try to be grateful that you know better than he does right now and have the capacity to make healthier choices.
Hugs.

entropy1964

My friend, who almost died and is in the hospital from drinking, was "kind" enough last night to suggest after I ran home to walk my dogs that I bring back a cocktail for me. Really?!?!?!? He knows I haven't drank liquor in 6+ months. Yeah, I have drank non-liquor alcoholic beverages, but he also knows of my struggle and desire to quit. I really think he wanted some which is why he suggested it.

At first I thought he wanted you to bring one for him, but for you? I'm not sure which is worse. Sounds like a pretty toxic 'friend'.

So I understand, what's the difference between a liquor and a non-liquor alcoholic beverage? Sounds like an oxymoron.

ScottFromWI

He was literally hours, maybe minutes away from death directly as a result of his drinking, so the ploy to get a drink is not really all that difficult to envision actually. Perhaps this episode might be extreme enough to get him institutionalized? You could ask the doctors to check into it on his behalf, but don't take it on yourself. You've done way more than would be expected and it's pretty obvious that even with all that he's still in massive denial.

soberclover

I'm wondering what would happen if you started taking more time for yourself and spending less time with him. Would social services/support become more involved as he is without a support person as much? It seems like this experience has had more of an impact for you then him; it's so sad that he is already thinking about drinking. I'm thinking of you!!

bluedog97

Many times addicts are not ready to face their addictions. Look at Lamar Odom, a famous addict currently going through this. He's lucky he has you that cares so much. I agree, do what's best for you to protect your sobriety.

Sinderos

[/QUOTE]

So I understand, what's the difference between a liquor and a non-liquor alcoholic beverage? Sounds like an oxymoron.[/QUOTE]

Frick, what I meant was that he knows vodka was my DOC and it almost ruined my life. Last time I drank it, I called him because I couldn't hold my head up. That was over 6 months ago. Non liquor drinks are no better for an alcoholic, but some alcoholic beverages are worse for me than others regarding how my body and mind reacts to it. Right now I'm not drinking any alcoholic beverages. That's why it shocked me.

Thankfully the doctor who saw him tonight made it clear to him that alcohol played a huge part in his almost death. She made it clear to him that if he does this again he could die. After she left, we talked and he said he doesn't drink much. Just a 12 pack. (That would be a 12 pack of 16 ounce beers, not 12 ounce.) I explained the difference in "normal" people and people with alcohol problems. He really seems to be taking in what all has been said. He's really quiet which is unusual for him.

I am moving for sure. I am using this move as a very positive thing for me. I already have a plan.

Hevyn

I'm sorry that happened, Sinderos. So upsetting.

I have a friend (with an alcoholic brother) who came to see me & brought beer. She said, 'I know you're trying not to drink, but you could just have one couldn't you?' Um, no - there is no "one". Makes no sense.