Tough week
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: London United Kingdom
Posts: 23
Tough week
Hi all the lovely people here at SR,
Sorry I haven't posted for a few days after my last thread, I've had a really tough week with my head all over the place but most importantly I'm still sober. The weekends are hardest for me but I got an early night last night and plan to again tonight.
I went to my first meeting on Tuesday and found it really eye opening and I related to some of the people in there but also quite overwhelming as it really made me look at myself for the first time ever. I've always ignored a lot of the painful issues in my life and I don't deal with anything tough, I just push them to the back of my mind and then take things out on myself when the internal pain gets too much.
I also realized from here and there that I'd also have to give up alcohol and going out totally and this was it. For some reason this has made it much worse to not think about going out, Coke, drinking ect as there was no longer the possibility of s long way down the line doing it normally.
I'm going to go to my next meeting on Tuesday but I've realized just how hard all this is going to be and I'm going to have to really honestly face myself and all my demons and start making good decisions.
Sorry I haven't posted for a few days after my last thread, I've had a really tough week with my head all over the place but most importantly I'm still sober. The weekends are hardest for me but I got an early night last night and plan to again tonight.
I went to my first meeting on Tuesday and found it really eye opening and I related to some of the people in there but also quite overwhelming as it really made me look at myself for the first time ever. I've always ignored a lot of the painful issues in my life and I don't deal with anything tough, I just push them to the back of my mind and then take things out on myself when the internal pain gets too much.
I also realized from here and there that I'd also have to give up alcohol and going out totally and this was it. For some reason this has made it much worse to not think about going out, Coke, drinking ect as there was no longer the possibility of s long way down the line doing it normally.
I'm going to go to my next meeting on Tuesday but I've realized just how hard all this is going to be and I'm going to have to really honestly face myself and all my demons and start making good decisions.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Great for you for coming to the healthy realisation that in order to improve your life you need to be completely sober. I know it seems overwhelming, but it definitely gets easier and better.
You won't have to give up going out forever. It will probably take some time before you feel solid in your sobriety, but eventually you will feel comfortable being social again.
You won't have to give up going out forever. It will probably take some time before you feel solid in your sobriety, but eventually you will feel comfortable being social again.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 734
Well done for getting to that first meeting and staying clean and sober 
- something that I've found difficult to comprehend too but as others have said many times don't look too far into the future, just for today ;-)
Sound like we have a similar mindset - I knew from my day 1 that there had to be a determination to make sobriety work as everything really did / does depend on it
Same goes here that weekends etc were to begin with the most difficult as its for most of us heavy bingers the association with the time we would be out getting on it - fear of missing out has been massive for me too and something I am still struggling with from time to time but it definitely is getting better and I've learned how to deal with it much better over time (7 months nearly now).
Have a plan to try to keep yourself busy but away from temptation - if you're feeling stressed with the situation then can you not get yourself along to another meeting before Tuesday ?
For me tho the one and only thing I know I can control no matter how tough it maybe at times is the fact it is me and nobody else who controls picking up that first drink or drug - no matter how many urges or cravings or thoughts of I can't do this may go thro my head the fact is I can and so can you - getting you right is paramount and achievable but first and foremost no matter what you don't drink or do drugs.
As I said one day at a time.
Keep posting here and stay close to this place it really has helped me through some pretty difficult times - it's not all doom and gloom though - far from it, I've had and having some great experiences in sobriety and finally realising that I can live a life free from drink and drugs - it does take a lot of changes but they are most definitely worthwhile if you stick with it and don't look back through rose tinted specs too much - yes there were plenty of good times but there's a reason you and I are both here because we want to take control of our lives and stop the chaos, I realise the Coke accelerated things but it was me that was the problem and drink and drugs were only ever going to make it more difficult to put things right.
- something that I've found difficult to comprehend too but as others have said many times don't look too far into the future, just for today ;-)Sound like we have a similar mindset - I knew from my day 1 that there had to be a determination to make sobriety work as everything really did / does depend on it
Same goes here that weekends etc were to begin with the most difficult as its for most of us heavy bingers the association with the time we would be out getting on it - fear of missing out has been massive for me too and something I am still struggling with from time to time but it definitely is getting better and I've learned how to deal with it much better over time (7 months nearly now).
Have a plan to try to keep yourself busy but away from temptation - if you're feeling stressed with the situation then can you not get yourself along to another meeting before Tuesday ?
For me tho the one and only thing I know I can control no matter how tough it maybe at times is the fact it is me and nobody else who controls picking up that first drink or drug - no matter how many urges or cravings or thoughts of I can't do this may go thro my head the fact is I can and so can you - getting you right is paramount and achievable but first and foremost no matter what you don't drink or do drugs.
As I said one day at a time.
Keep posting here and stay close to this place it really has helped me through some pretty difficult times - it's not all doom and gloom though - far from it, I've had and having some great experiences in sobriety and finally realising that I can live a life free from drink and drugs - it does take a lot of changes but they are most definitely worthwhile if you stick with it and don't look back through rose tinted specs too much - yes there were plenty of good times but there's a reason you and I are both here because we want to take control of our lives and stop the chaos, I realise the Coke accelerated things but it was me that was the problem and drink and drugs were only ever going to make it more difficult to put things right.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
Well done for all the progress you've made this week. I am glad you are using us for support as well as going to meetings. I am confident that you will find a way to live a happy life without cocaine and excessive alcohol and that it won't prevent you going out and having fun with friends. In fact I think it will mean that your social life improves. Yes, there may be some hard self-reflection in the days ahead but already things are improving you and I'm sure your body's pleased to be treated so well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Hey sorting
It was really hard to start looking at my resentments when I first started. And has taken years. Not that it needs to, but that has been how it has worked for me. And there are a few things that will simply never be resolved. But I can let them go.
This is just my opinion, but get a sponsor and work the steps. Don't dwell on them, pick them into pieces and stare at them endlessly. Get them out on paper and move through it. Get into service in some way (I really like helping with meetings at institutions) and that will help a lot. Or at least that's what helped me. When I stay stuck in my 'issues', stalled on step 4, I get in a very dangerous place.
You're doing great. Its early days. Hang in there.
It was really hard to start looking at my resentments when I first started. And has taken years. Not that it needs to, but that has been how it has worked for me. And there are a few things that will simply never be resolved. But I can let them go.
This is just my opinion, but get a sponsor and work the steps. Don't dwell on them, pick them into pieces and stare at them endlessly. Get them out on paper and move through it. Get into service in some way (I really like helping with meetings at institutions) and that will help a lot. Or at least that's what helped me. When I stay stuck in my 'issues', stalled on step 4, I get in a very dangerous place.
You're doing great. Its early days. Hang in there.
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