Redheadsusie

that spending time with separated AH would be ok when he is actively drinking. I mean he can hold it together for a few dates and we had a fun time- but little by little the angry guy comes out until he explodes at me for absolutely nothing. Why would I ever think it would be different- no matter how much I tell myself I love him which makes no sense but the heart loves who they love - obviously is not enough. I am pretty stupid to expect different results. Go ahead and say it - I deserve it - I am truly a codependent idiot. Things are what they are .............

firebolt

Not stupid at all, just INSANE for expecting different results.

We all have done it.

The last time I did it, someone here told me - "it's OK, you were just reaching to check and see if the burner was still hot. Yep, it is."

You see what is, today. There is no shame in wanting things to be different, you just needed a reminder that they are not.

Best to you RHA - you deserve better!

Bekindalways

As Firebolt said, we have all done it. It sure is difficult to give up hope.

Liveitwell

Oh Red-I was so there-have done the same thing. You learn....you keep learning that you can't continue doing the same thing and expecting different results.

Hugs. You will get it!!

redatlanta

Yes certainly ave gone back for seconds and thirds with the undeserving.

Thing is he can't fix what's upsetting you. The loneliness and sometimes hopelessness you feel he cannot fix.

And that's why we go back. Looking for them to make it better when they caused the problems in the first place.

SparkleKitty

Susie, the people who hurt us are never going to be the ones who heal us.

The only person who can fill whatever void in you that you keep hoping he will fill is you.

Chin up, Redheaded lady, I know you can move past this.

FeelingGreat

Well at least you've tried and seen the outcome. Chalk it up to experience.

The hard part now will be putting in a permanent fix. Like an alcoholic, the best way to recover is to abstain.

Lilro

Guilty party here too!!!!!

Now you know.

atalose

Reality is a hard and hurtful concept to accept. With every "maybe this time" the reality onion peels back a little further.

Liveitwell

^ so true. Great words.

teatreeoil007

For some odd reason, we humans seek comfort from the 'known' vs. the 'unknown'. You've known him. You know him. Maybe you figured it was 'better than nothing' or hoping to rekindle what first brought the two of you together to work its magic.

hopeful4

Babe, it's called insanity. Doing the same thing over and over while expecting different results.

The good news, we are all in this together. I would say there is not a person on this forum who has not done this in some way. I sure have!

Eventually, your brain will be louder than your heart, and you will say enough is enough!

Hugs. Be easy on you.

Bekindalways

Yep, Susi. I'm another been there; done that and bought a boatload of the t-shirts.

Sigh. Take care of yourself lady!

Rev 3:16

Hey Redatlanta...this is possibly the best thing I've read in some time: "And that's why we go back. Looking for them to make it better when they caused the problems in the first place. "

I'm afraid I'm talking toward the stove and looking at the burner and thinking: "Golly gee, it can't still be hot now, not like it was the last 15 times."

Thanks!

AnvilheadII

no matter how much I tell myself I love him

now might be a REALLY good time to give the above statement a good hard look.