Thismadamisdone

I have had no alcohol for 2 nights now. My plan was to make it to 5 nights and drink at the weekend; do that for a couple of weeks until it feels natural then no drinking on Saturday for a week or so and eventually no drinking altogether.
I was aware that 5 days is a huge stretch for me having never managed past 3 days in the past so I had a half plan in my mind that if I was really struggling, I could drink at the halfway point-night 3.
So the plan was:
Mon-abstain
Tues-abstain
Wed-abstain if possible, but don't beat myself up if I can't (bloody try though!)
Thurs-abstain
Fri-abstain
Sat-allowed
Sun-allowed
Do you think this is an okay plan? Just gathering opinions here so would appreciate any feedback.
Please bear in mind that the 'cold turkey' method has not worked for me so far so I am trying something new here and these are very early days for me; I would appreciate some gentle treading if possible. Please be nice!

least

If you plan to stop drinking completely, drinking on the weekends will make that impossible. Better to just quit altogether and be uncomfortable for a week or so until the withdrawal is over and you start to feel better again.

Opivotal

I can tell you this plan would never work for me. As an alcoholic, I'd be fine for a few days, then get blackout drunk. I couldn't control my drinking.

Cold turkey under a Doctor's supervision was the only way, I succeeded.

ScottFromWI

I think it's a bad plan. I also think your mind is playing tricks on you once again, read this if you need a reminder

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...conundrum.html

You already know that you cannot control your drinking, so why would you even consider making a plan to drink?

Vegit8

I tried this for years to no avail, but Monday at noon I could usually convince myself to drink, then tuesday, then Wednesday, etc, but I would limit it to say a bottos of wine, by Friday I would be so proud I only had a bottle if wine each day that I clearly now deserved a bottle of vodka, then I still had mix on saturday, and who am I to be wasteful, so more vodka, Sunday I am trying to get my crap ready for work so go easy with 2 liters of 7% cider.....

An repeat.

I know everybody is totally different, and to each their own. For me, the minute I feel that subtle buzz, it's game over.

doggonecarl

An okay plan for drinking, a poor plan for sobriety.

Thismadamisdone

I'm not sure. Simply quitting has never worked. Do I need to just keep trying? What does that mean? Try my very best not not to drink and if I make it to, say, 6 days, or 13 days, or even a month and then falter and drink, I just begin again?

This is what I can't wrap my mind around. How can I make a plan to quit forever knowing that I will probably fail a few times before I manage forever?

What is a relapse? Trying so hard then waking up and realizing that you actually drank last night and can barely remember? How desperate do you get to actually drink again? I am feeling pretty desperate-what do I do? If I drink, I will have failed and have to begin again; if I try to wait it out, I think I might die. This hurts.

I thought it would be a good plan to slowly cut it out instead. Don't some people do that instead of quitting all out? I thought some doctors recommended it.

I appreciate you are all saying it's a bad plan, and I am taking your opinions on board, I trust what you say, but I need some explanation/clarification. Can I have the specifics of why it is a bad plan?

ScottFromWI

Because alcoholics cannot control their drinking, and your plan is to "control" your drinking - it't a catch-22. It doesn't really matter if you plan on drinking on only certain days, or only drinking a certain amount, or only drinking certain times of the day - the are all plans to drink. And once you start, you won't stop - you already know that from your previous attempts.

Some doctors do prescribe "tapering down" but it's very difficult to do, and rarely works. And even if you do taper down, you eventually have to quit completely. And I believe you've already proven that you can quit for a few days completely without bad withdrawals, correct? If you do fear bad withdrawals absolutely see a doctor.

Having a "plan" for sobriety means learning to live your life without drinking. There are a lot of different ways to go about it, but simply "not drinking" isn't a sobriety plan. And it generally fails. If you've never read this thread it''s a very good one that explains many of the different sobriety programs/plans that we have used.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

doggonecarl

In a previous post you wrote:

So any plan that supports this--drinking, getting drunk--is not a plan for sobriety. I don't know how much more specific to be.

Relapses happen. But they aren't part of recovery. Relapses are part of the addiction. So don't put anything in your plan that undermines recovery.

soberclover

Ah yes I remember this well....me trying to control my drinking didn't work....it was a total trainwreck. It's good, though, that you are thinking about controlling your drinking because that means that you know you have an issue with drinking.

For me, this was really out-of-control drinking. My drinking had gotten so out-of-control that I thought I needed to bring it back in to control. So I made a plan too. And I switched from gin to wine to beer. I tried drinking only on certain days too. It didn't work because I drank too much wine or too much beer and I overdrank on the days I "could" drink because I didn't drink on t he days I said I wouldn't. It was too much to try to figure out. When I was under the influence of alcohol I would also throw my plan out the window.

Glad you are here!

Thismadamisdone

Thanks to everyone for commenting; it's very insightful, helpful and sobering (sorry) to hear what you have to say on this matter.

Quick question and feel free to shoot me down on this one:

Could I try it? Admittedly it may only work for a very small proportion of people....but it does work for some. Could I try as I have never done it before, or is it simply a 'NO!' thing? I completely understand you are all suggesting I do not try it, but would you strongly advise against it? As it could work for me (you never know-it works for some), wouldn't it be feasible to at least try? Then if it didn't work, I would know for sure and could set my sights on purely quitting.

(Or is this the AV I keep hearing about?)

ScottFromWI

You've already tried it (controlling your drinking) many times - read some of your earlier posts if you need a reminder.

Suggesting you do not try it and strongly advising against it are one in the same.

Yep. It's your addiction trying to undermine your logical mind

doggonecarl

Yes, it's AV. Why don't you look up Rational Recovery and AVRT.

You will get no permission from me to try controlled drinking. But then you don't need permission from me. If your desire to drink is stronger than your desire to get sober, you'll drink. Even if you get 100 replies telling you not to drink.

Most of us had to learn the hard way. In this, you are not unique.

Thismadamisdone

Thank you. I would like to apologise, of course I was not seeking permission and didn't mean for it to come across that way. Apologies again.

LeeJane

This is just mind games to keep your drinking going, from my experience.

We need to stop completely.

firstymer

I see it like this. You can only quit alcohol if you, well, quit alcohol. As Scott pointed out, you have tried before to moderate. And, like literally (and I use that term intentionally) every one of us, moderation failed.

So, yes, you can try your "plan". But you should do it honestly. It isn't a plan. It is a decision to keep drinking until you are motivated enough to stop drinking.

Recovery begins with a commitment to not drink. At all. Cold turkey.

Read as much as you want here. If you do, the conclusion you will reach is that the only method that has met with success is to find a plan to stop drinking altogether. And to stick with that plan.

You can do this. And we are here to help.

doggonecarl

No need to apologize. And perhaps "permission" wasn't the right word to use. But you are seeking support for the rationalization to try controlled drinking on the off chance that it will work for you. A forum dedicated to the recovery of alcoholics and addicts is the wrong place to seek that.

I hope you don't feel the need to test the waters of controlled drinking. Believe me, not drinking is ten times easier than the effort and mental gymnastics involved in this alcoholic trying to moderate his drinking.

Vegit8

It's not to put you down we say these things, I wish someone would have told me flat out that controlled drinking is never going to be in the cards for me. I'm all or (hopefully) nothing, and that is how it will always be. It sucks, I know it, that was my evil best friend for 20 years, and I tried everything to keep it, but it destroyed me before I realized.

Andante

Yes, this is an example of "alcoholic thinking" at its finest.

You say "simply quitting hasn't worked," but if you're still drinking at all, that means you never really gave quitting a chance.

The big problem I see with your plan is that it involves trying to find a way to keep drinking. That's not sobriety.

Sobriety isn't about cutting down or moderating or controlling -- all of which imply a desire to continue drinking. Sobriety is about wanting to stay sober more than you want to get drunk. Sometimes this requires simply gutting out abstinence for a while until the effort you put into recovery has a chance to show results.

There are many paths to recovery, but one "gotta" that applies to all paths is that your gotta want it.

graciepearl

as a veteran of many failed attempts and deals and rationalizing it is just to much stress and anxiety to construct anymore. By taking drinking off the table I can begin to focus on my new life. You chose the member name thismadameisdone not thismadamismoderated or thismadameisreduced you chose thismadameisdone. It seems your inner being is begging to be done with alcohol and I know exactly what your going through as does everyone on this site. We are all here for the same reason and we are here for each other.