CountrysideMan

I have been avoiding writing this post for a week since I joined SR. In that time, I have been reading a lot of what you guys post and doing some soul searching. In essence, this post is my declaration to commit to my first day sober in a ten years.
It's 7.22 am here in UK. There is no alcohol in the house, the cupboards are stocked with fruit juice and I'm taking St John's Wort to ease my anxiety. Having a plan in place is helping, but I'm scared I won't get to bed sober. What if I can't make it? What if I do? There is a lot of self doubt and fear, but (dare I say it) there is a small part of me which is excited about making the first step and finally committing to recovery.
This post was difficult to write because I knew it represented my commitment to getting healthy and all the challenges that come with it.
My biggest trigger is getting home from work without stopping off to buy beer. I vow to drive straight home, no matter what my AV promises and to log onto SR.
I was going to ask you to wish me luck, but I don't need it. I need strength and positivity and resolve. I'm ready for this.
Thanks for being a part of it.

mecanix

I found having ice cream in the freezer as a treat when i got home a useful diversion CM .

Bestwishes, m

patchadams

you can do this! I know exactly what you mean, no matter which way I drive home, there is at least 5 places I could stop and pick up beer. Im back at day 1, well just started 2 less than an hour ago, but Im going try to listen to some music instead of nothing and see if it helps(have a 1 year old and a loud job so thats the only silence i get

teatreeoil007

You can do it. You'll feel so much better without the booze.

MelindaFlowers

You can do it. You may have intense sugar cravings which can be 90% cured with candy, juice, cake. I let myself eat whatever I wanted for the first few months..

Take it one day at a time. I spent hours on here every night at first. Read and post. Read and post.

You can do this.

Berrybean

Why not log in and update here with some positive thinking before you start your drive home. Also, end of day is typically not good for some of those HALT triggers. Hungry-Angry-Lonely-Tired. Do what you can to contract any at play either before you leave work or at the start of your journey. Splash cold water on your face and pressure points to wake up and cool off, eat a chocolate bar or such some sweets, have a sugary drink, etc. Sometimes those little things add up to make quite an unexpected difference.

Vegit8

I just finished my day 1, or at least I'm trying to. It's 12:30am here and I really wished I picked up some melatonin. Food was a right off today, my body was not playing along with that at all. If I ever get to sleep I'll start tomorrow with tomato soup and toast.

You can do it, I can't even remember when I didn't drink both my breakfast and my dinner. One battle at a time.

Good luck!!!!

entropy1964

I have learned that I am my own worst enemy. My thinking is my obstacle. I choose the first drink. So its my thinking I have to turn around.

I have read here that some folks will leave their cards and money at home so they can't stop off and buy booze.

Good luck.

CountrysideMan

Thank you all for your kind words. It was a short day at work today, which would usually mean an afternoon of drinking. But I'm happy to say I got back without buying alcohol. It's a small victory, but I'm proud of myself anyway.
Congratulations to all those who are taking those first steps with me. It's a brave new world out there without alcohol. I'm not sure what we're going to find, but deep down we know, it's got to be better than what we're enduring now.
I'll post before bedtime to let you know how I progressed through the day. It helps me stay in control knowing I have to report in.
Thanks again for the support and acceptance.

Ariesagain

Changing the patterns is really helpful. If you normally drive home with the booze and spend the evenng at home drinking, don't go home. Go to the movies, go to a coffee shop, go to a bookstore or a gym, any place that doesn't sell or serve alcohol. Stay there until it's close to your normal bedtime.

At the least, pick a new route home that doesn't take you past any of your drink vendors?

Removing the triggers can be a huge help in the early days.

You can do this!

thomas11

Got home without buying beer, that's a great start. It all starts with the first day.

desertsong

Getting through that first day is a huge victory! We know what it takes to make that first step and stick with it. You have done great today. And you will REALLY enjoy going to bed sober and waking up tomorrow remembering what you did tonight and not feeling crappy in the morning. Good for you!

Anna

Read my signature line from the amazing Marianne Williamson. When I first read those words the impact was almost physical. Yes, you can do this, you can shine, you can dance and there is nothing to be afraid of.

Rar

Congratulations on your first day of sobriety. You are doing great! There's a lot of wisdom and many years of collective sobriety and experience in this forum. It helps me to log on several times during the day and read as much as I can. I also log on whenever I start to crave or feel anxious. Please keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Vegit8

New you would make it through the drive home. I love SR, it makes me feel I'm accountable to others and is helping so much.

IronPhoenix

CM - you can do this. Literally you have to take it one day at a time. Get through the day and check it off - feel great about yourself, then get ready to fight again tomorrow. Pretty soon those days add up to weeks and then months...

Work your plan and post here often to help keep you accountable.

ccam1973

Great job CM. Build on these steps and every day you will grow stronger.

When times get tough, lean on us, post when ever you are feeling weak.

You're not alone in this.

CountrysideMan

Wow. I can't tell you how grateful I am that I found you guys. Being accountable and having your support has made all the difference.
I went to bed sober! It was a fitful nights sleep, but woke up with a sense of achievement and positivity that I haven't felt in years. Gone are the feelings of regret and self-loathing that have typically greeted me each morning. I've found a strength I didn't know had. It's SR and you guys who guided me there.
Today is Day 2 and now is not the time to let my guard down. There's work still to be done. I have my plan and my distraction techniques. I didn't hear much from my AV yesterday as I was so focused. I'm going to be especially aware of it today and watch out for sneaky attacks. Once again, I vow to get home without buying beer.
It's great to no longer feel alone with this addiction and if you do nothing else today, feel good about helping someone find their way.

Outonthetiles

That drive home sounds familiar. I did it and so can you. If it helps, flip off the store as you drive by. For the first few days I actually honked and flipped off some of my usual places to get booze. It seems to help.

Camery03

Thanks for the laugh Outonthetiles! I had a visual of myself doing that--- LOL, it would literally be flipping off one city block or more of places I used to frequent to get booze. Might have to try that.......