tomorrow STBXAH finds out I filed

Old 05-30-2016, 08:16 PM
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tomorrow STBXAH finds out I filed

a motion for sole custody of our 3 children, unless he agrees to continued sobriety monitoring. And I'm so scared.

The 4-mos. of sobriety monitory he agreed to ends in a month. Amazingly, he seems to have done fine, blowing sober 3 times/day on alternate weeks when he has our kids. However, he drinks heavily when he's not being monitored, apparently starting as soon as his custody period ends. I know because once I saw him; another time he got mugged while "extremely intoxicated" according to the police report; and last weekend he was an hour and a half late and deathly-looking hungover when he showed up far an appointment with me.

We had been trying to mediate our divorce, but filing this motion probably tanks that endeavor. However, I need to make sure our kids are safe when they are with him, and he refused to extend the monitoring "torture."

Anyway, I'm just looking for support and positive vibes sent my way. It's been interesting realizing how worried I am about his reaction, and what that says about how long I have let him control and manipulate me. He doesn't like not getting his way, so a long time ago I started giving in to him. Not this time, but I'm scared.
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Old 05-30-2016, 08:34 PM
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This sure sounds like something you needed to do. Also sounds super hard.

Strength, courage and good legal support to you Sauerkraut!!
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Old 05-30-2016, 08:55 PM
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SK-sending you all the prayers I can tonight....and keeping you and your kids in my thoughts. Please let us know how it goes, friend.

I saw a little quote today posted from one of my favorite Christian music artists....seems applicable:

"When you choose the behavior, you also choose the consequences".

Many many hugs.
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Old 05-30-2016, 11:12 PM
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sauerkraut....I think you are doing the right thing....otherwise, who would your kids have to protect them!
I totally understand how you would dread the exhausting prospects of dealing with a difficult alcoholic. ("difficult" may be an understatement, eh?").....

You have gotten this far, so I know that your strength will arrive at just the moments when you need it!

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Old 05-31-2016, 04:49 AM
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First off, good luck! How did the monitoring come into play? Did he agree to it voluntarily? I am headed down the same path. He is gone as of yesterday but each time he has left he shows back up the next day. He supposedly starts an outpatient program today after a weekend of drinking. Last week he told me he was going to be "selfish" (as opposed to what he normally is) and was going to stay in his house, his bed and recover the way he wants to and doesn't care how that makes me feel. I refuse to let my 4 kids in the car with him and know I need to take legal action. Told him I wanted him gone until has some sobriety under his belt but I know he will be back.
I hope everything goes well today and your kids are okay.
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Old 05-31-2016, 06:13 AM
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Sending lots of good vibes and prayers your way!
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Old 05-31-2016, 09:53 AM
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Thanks, everyone. Still on pins and needles; haven't heard anything yet. It's a little hard to focus on my work, to say the least.

smlg10--
In answer to your question, I got him to agree to 4 months of SoberLink sobriety monitoring, during the weeks he has our kids, through tenacity as well as the powerful assist of a very good co-parenting therapist (who pointed out that it was that or court, and if he had nothing to hide, he should have nothing to hide, and that maybe he would prefer a SCRAM bracelet or randomized alcohol/drug testing instead?) and his own attorney who told him it was in his best interest to sign the agreement and do the monitoring, to show that he was sober. I haven't met her, but I get the feeling that she's working for the best interest of our children, as well as her client, thank goodness.

It sounds like you're in a stronger position since your "partner" seems willing to leave? My STBXAH refused to move out of the house, despite years of pleading for him to go to a rehab, sober living facility, or even a studio apartment around the corner, so he wouldn't be harassing us in the middle of the night. At that point he wouldn't agree to the monitoring either, so I left on a handshake promise that neither of us would drink while we had the kids. Then I had to get the mediator and attorneys to help me get him to commit to the monitoring. If I were to do it over again, I would try to get the monitoring plan in place before moving out although, thinking back, I needed out so badly that I'm not sure I could have done anything differently.

On the other hand, it sound like unfortunately you have all kinds of evidence of your husband's addiction, so proving your concerns shouldn't be hard.

You might want to read through some of my previous postings as well as Ladyscribbler's, whose story was a big source of hope for me.
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