In a week, he has been arrested, charged with a dui, 302 twice, pistol whipped, detox
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In a week, he has been arrested, charged with a dui, 302 twice, pistol whipped, detox
In a week, he has been arrested, charged with a dui, 302 twice, pistol whipped, day and half in rehab/detox and his ex wife called the cops to check on the safety of their kids. We went from two months away from being married, to postponing the wedding, to removing my ring, to friends and started working on rebuilding trust with 60 plus days of sobriety. Alas here we are... Right back at the beginning but worse. Oh did I mention a day and a half of detox. I've had to stick around this weekend due to his kids being here and putting up a smile when really wanting to ring his neck. Oh also to found out as we were working on building trust that he brought some girl home which he denies but I know he is lying. Also he told me he went clubbing 3 weeks ago but didn't drink. Again this is not trust building, this is taking tiny pieces and further breaking them. He only remains sober when I'm around. I can't wait until his kids are home at his exs, so I can get out of this nightmare. What's it gonna take for me to let him go completely. I know it's on me. Tired.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
2261....in response to your question...."What's it gonna take for me to let go of him completely?"
Based on what the others of us in this forum, who have been in your same shoes have experienced, I suggest the following, for you....
1. Start attending alanon....for support for yourself
2. Start seeing a counselor for yourself....
3. Read "Co-Dependent No More"......it is practically a bible in these parts
(you can get a copy at the library or get one real cheaply, used, on
Amazon.com.
4.****don't expect this process to be totally easy and pain free. Expect it to be short-term pain for the Long-term gain.
Continue to read on this forum, and posting. There are literally thousands of real-life stories, here....that you can learn from and gain inspiration from!
Especially---read the Stickies at the top of the main page. They will educate you as to the real nature of alcoholism.
Knowledge is power....
The quality of life that you are going to have will depend on the quality of the decisions that YOU make.
You already have a good taste of what your life is going to be if you hook your wagon to him.....But, 2261, it is resting, entirely, in your hands.....
I hope you take these words and reflect o n them, seriously....
dandylion
Based on what the others of us in this forum, who have been in your same shoes have experienced, I suggest the following, for you....
1. Start attending alanon....for support for yourself
2. Start seeing a counselor for yourself....
3. Read "Co-Dependent No More"......it is practically a bible in these parts
(you can get a copy at the library or get one real cheaply, used, on
Amazon.com.
4.****don't expect this process to be totally easy and pain free. Expect it to be short-term pain for the Long-term gain.
Continue to read on this forum, and posting. There are literally thousands of real-life stories, here....that you can learn from and gain inspiration from!
Especially---read the Stickies at the top of the main page. They will educate you as to the real nature of alcoholism.
Knowledge is power....
The quality of life that you are going to have will depend on the quality of the decisions that YOU make.
You already have a good taste of what your life is going to be if you hook your wagon to him.....But, 2261, it is resting, entirely, in your hands.....
I hope you take these words and reflect o n them, seriously....
dandylion
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Just out of curiosity, who's telling you he was pistol-whipped? And by whom? If he's telling you that, I'd take it with a large grain of salt. Especially if he's claiming the police did it. I don't doubt he might have been injured if he resisted arrest, but I've worked in law enforcement for a very long time, and even the bad cops tend not to "pistol whip" anyone--it's too risky.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Argh 2261, that is so ding dang dad blasted tough.
I loved your line, "He's taking tiny pieces (of trust) and breaking them smaller". I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Please circle every wagon you have and then some. This is a really hard thing to get through.
Let us know how you are.
I loved your line, "He's taking tiny pieces (of trust) and breaking them smaller". I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Please circle every wagon you have and then some. This is a really hard thing to get through.
Let us know how you are.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 29
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
Just out of curiosity, who's telling you he was pistol-whipped? And by whom? If he's telling you that, I'd take it with a large grain of salt. Especially if he's claiming the police did it. I don't doubt he might have been injured if he resisted arrest, but I've worked in law enforcement for a very long time, and even the bad cops tend not to "pistol whip" anyone--it's too risky.
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Originally Posted by Bekindalways
Argh 2261, that is so ding dang dad blasted tough.
I loved your line, "He's taking tiny pieces (of trust) and breaking them smaller". I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Please circle every wagon you have and then some. This is a really hard thing to get through.
Let us know how you are.
I loved your line, "He's taking tiny pieces (of trust) and breaking them smaller". I am so so sorry that you are going through this. Please circle every wagon you have and then some. This is a really hard thing to get through.
Let us know how you are.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Wow, WAY too much drama. Sorry I sounded skeptical--I was assuming he was saying the cops beat him up (which would be a pretty typical alcoholic lie). Yeah, lucky he didn't get shot. I'd say you're well out of it.
Stick around and keep reading and posting.
Stick around and keep reading and posting.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by 2261
Home in my space... Thank you. I want to live again... For me and not for him!
I always recommend the book, How to Survive the Loss of a Love. It is an old book and a super fast, easy and comforting read. It is the best thing I have ever read about grieving.
Healing, peace and strength to you.
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Originally Posted by 2261
Originally Posted by Vandermast
Maybe take care of yourself???
Van
Van
Last edited by DesertEyes; 06-03-2016 at 08:06 PM. Reason: Fixed broken quote
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Well, he is back at it again. Did okay for the week but sadly didn't last. All I know is I'm staying away from it this weekend and doing the things I've planned no matter his actions. It's time he needs to face reality, if it's jail time, hospitalization, whatever it is... No more rescuing on my part.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Originally Posted by 2261
Well, he is back at it again. Did okay for the week but sadly didn't last. All I know is I'm staying away from it this weekend and doing the things I've planned no matter his actions. It's time he needs to face reality, if it's jail time, hospitalization, whatever it is... No more rescuing on my part.
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