Reflections on a Year
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Reflections on a Year
My work suddenly got very, very busy so I haven't posted on here for some time.
But I realised that I've just passed a year since I last had a drink. And it felt right to mark that on here, as SR is the reason why I did it. So I thought I'd post a few thoughts on where I am now.
What strikes me most, is that I no longer have any urge to drink. The desire is gone. I haven't heard anything from my AV in a few months. And I genuinely don't miss it at all. I didn't expect that.
And very, very importantly, my life is so much better now. My work situation has improved dramatically. I've joined a new band and am finding I'm learning new songs faster and better than before. I'm in the process of training for a new career as well which I'm finding incredibly rewarding. My relationship with my kids is stronger (the oldest told me she doesn't want to drink either when she's old enough). All my relationships feel more real and genuine. Quitting drinking was the best decision I've ever made. My only regret is not making it much, much sooner.
I hope people will excuse a bit of advice for those who are new to these forums, and perhaps still trying to decide if they have a problem with alcohol.
While you will see many shared experiences on here, every single one of us is unique, and our personal situations are unique.
I say that because there will always be someone whose drinking is worse than yours. Please don't use that as an excuse to keep drinking if you have any concerns at all about the role of alcohol in your life. You do not need to hit "rock bottom" before quitting.
I didn't. People were surprised when I quit. I was moderating successfully (most of the time) for the last few years, after decades of heavier drinking. But besides the times I slipped up badly (on work trips mostly), I was obsessed with it all the time I was trying to moderate. I had to take active steps to keep from drinking too much every time I went out. It was mentally exhausting, and in the end I decided alcohol didn't deserve the importance I was giving it. I'd promised myself I'd quit after university. 30 years later I finally kept my promise.
There are many, many different ways to quit, and again we're all unique so find the one that makes sense to you. For me it was AVRT combined with reading Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking. And these forums. Especially these forums.
So thank you Dee, Anna, and everyone else who makes these forums such a wonderful, supportive place. I know for a fact I would still be drinking if I hadn't found SR, and I will forever be grateful for this site changing my life so much for the better.
But I realised that I've just passed a year since I last had a drink. And it felt right to mark that on here, as SR is the reason why I did it. So I thought I'd post a few thoughts on where I am now.
What strikes me most, is that I no longer have any urge to drink. The desire is gone. I haven't heard anything from my AV in a few months. And I genuinely don't miss it at all. I didn't expect that.
And very, very importantly, my life is so much better now. My work situation has improved dramatically. I've joined a new band and am finding I'm learning new songs faster and better than before. I'm in the process of training for a new career as well which I'm finding incredibly rewarding. My relationship with my kids is stronger (the oldest told me she doesn't want to drink either when she's old enough). All my relationships feel more real and genuine. Quitting drinking was the best decision I've ever made. My only regret is not making it much, much sooner.
I hope people will excuse a bit of advice for those who are new to these forums, and perhaps still trying to decide if they have a problem with alcohol.
While you will see many shared experiences on here, every single one of us is unique, and our personal situations are unique.
I say that because there will always be someone whose drinking is worse than yours. Please don't use that as an excuse to keep drinking if you have any concerns at all about the role of alcohol in your life. You do not need to hit "rock bottom" before quitting.
I didn't. People were surprised when I quit. I was moderating successfully (most of the time) for the last few years, after decades of heavier drinking. But besides the times I slipped up badly (on work trips mostly), I was obsessed with it all the time I was trying to moderate. I had to take active steps to keep from drinking too much every time I went out. It was mentally exhausting, and in the end I decided alcohol didn't deserve the importance I was giving it. I'd promised myself I'd quit after university. 30 years later I finally kept my promise.
There are many, many different ways to quit, and again we're all unique so find the one that makes sense to you. For me it was AVRT combined with reading Allen Carr's How to Control Your Drinking. And these forums. Especially these forums.
So thank you Dee, Anna, and everyone else who makes these forums such a wonderful, supportive place. I know for a fact I would still be drinking if I hadn't found SR, and I will forever be grateful for this site changing my life so much for the better.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Congratulations! A huge achievement.
May I ask, do you do any other kind of F2F meetings or support? Do you do service with other alcoholics/addicts?
The reason I ask, when I hit one year a few years ago, I found it pretty 'easy'. I was totally focused on my recovery everyday, but really? No big challenges. Life got amazing. I felt and looked amazing. My daughter was thriving. You know, all the good stuff. But for some reason I thought, somewhere in the back of my mind, that once I hit a year, I was recovered, or some such nonsense. I thought that I didn't have to keep up the same discipline I had that got me to a year. That's hindsight of course...I thought somehow recovery 'changed' after one year. I made it another year, but I definitely was faltering...and well the rest is history. Four brutal relapses and now I'm at day 27.
I guess I believe that recovery for me is the same every single day. I grow, change, develop etc. But the basics are the same. Do you have an wisdom to add here? That's if any of this made any sense
I need advice from people heading into their second year, third year.
May I ask, do you do any other kind of F2F meetings or support? Do you do service with other alcoholics/addicts?
The reason I ask, when I hit one year a few years ago, I found it pretty 'easy'. I was totally focused on my recovery everyday, but really? No big challenges. Life got amazing. I felt and looked amazing. My daughter was thriving. You know, all the good stuff. But for some reason I thought, somewhere in the back of my mind, that once I hit a year, I was recovered, or some such nonsense. I thought that I didn't have to keep up the same discipline I had that got me to a year. That's hindsight of course...I thought somehow recovery 'changed' after one year. I made it another year, but I definitely was faltering...and well the rest is history. Four brutal relapses and now I'm at day 27.
I guess I believe that recovery for me is the same every single day. I grow, change, develop etc. But the basics are the same. Do you have an wisdom to add here? That's if any of this made any sense
I need advice from people heading into their second year, third year.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Big congrats, Open Tuning! Thank you for sharing your milestone with us -- it's an inspiration.
I hope you're able to come by when able. Yours are posts in which I've found particularly keen insight, mixed in with compassion. You really have a way of understanding our shared challenges and victories that I appreciate a lot.
Thank you!
I hope you're able to come by when able. Yours are posts in which I've found particularly keen insight, mixed in with compassion. You really have a way of understanding our shared challenges and victories that I appreciate a lot.
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Great post, OpenTuning.. I also moderated pretty effectively in later years, but found it a huge amount of work, and a lot of it was accomplished by isolating, and avoiding life.
The worst effect was the lack of emotional and spiritual development I experienced as a result of turning to alcohol to cope with life. Sobriety has changed my life for the better, but it laid bare a lot of the original issues.. fears, anxiety, shame, etc.
But better late than never, as they say. It's a whole different journey, and far more interesting, than just soothing the unpleasantness of the day with a few microbrews or glasses of wine.
Cheers.. good job!
The worst effect was the lack of emotional and spiritual development I experienced as a result of turning to alcohol to cope with life. Sobriety has changed my life for the better, but it laid bare a lot of the original issues.. fears, anxiety, shame, etc.
But better late than never, as they say. It's a whole different journey, and far more interesting, than just soothing the unpleasantness of the day with a few microbrews or glasses of wine.
Cheers.. good job!
Keep going, it gets better. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
Originally Posted by Frickaflip233 
Congratulations! A huge achievement.
May I ask, do you do any other kind of F2F meetings or support? Do you do service with other alcoholics/addicts?
The reason I ask, when I hit one year a few years ago, I found it pretty 'easy'. I was totally focused on my recovery everyday, but really? No big challenges. Life got amazing. I felt and looked amazing. My daughter was thriving. You know, all the good stuff. But for some reason I thought, somewhere in the back of my mind, that once I hit a year, I was recovered, or some such nonsense. I thought that I didn't have to keep up the same discipline I had that got me to a year. That's hindsight of course...I thought somehow recovery 'changed' after one year. I made it another year, but I definitely was faltering...and well the rest is history. Four brutal relapses and now I'm at day 27.
I guess I believe that recovery for me is the same every single day. I grow, change, develop etc. But the basics are the same. Do you have an wisdom to add here? That's if any of this made any sense I need advice from people heading into their second year, third year.
May I ask, do you do any other kind of F2F meetings or support? Do you do service with other alcoholics/addicts?
The reason I ask, when I hit one year a few years ago, I found it pretty 'easy'. I was totally focused on my recovery everyday, but really? No big challenges. Life got amazing. I felt and looked amazing. My daughter was thriving. You know, all the good stuff. But for some reason I thought, somewhere in the back of my mind, that once I hit a year, I was recovered, or some such nonsense. I thought that I didn't have to keep up the same discipline I had that got me to a year. That's hindsight of course...I thought somehow recovery 'changed' after one year. I made it another year, but I definitely was faltering...and well the rest is history. Four brutal relapses and now I'm at day 27.
I guess I believe that recovery for me is the same every single day. I grow, change, develop etc. But the basics are the same. Do you have an wisdom to add here? That's if any of this made any sense
I need advice from people heading into their second year, third year.Again, I can only speak for what's worked for me. And in my case, what I wanted to do was change my attitude to alcohol. To make a mental switch. Put simply, if I wanted a drink, I would have a drink. For over 30 years when I wanted a drink, I had a drink. What's changed for me is I don't want a drink any more.
I don't mean that I'm not allowed to have a drink. Or I won't let myself have a drink. I simply do not want to have one.
Allen Carr's book was huge for that. It went through and demolished all the reasons I used to give myself for wanting a drink.
Realising I didn't actually like the taste, for example, was a huge revelation. I never would have believed it before. I collected wine. Went to beer festivals to try dozens of different real ales and wrote notes about the "bouquet" and the "finish". But the fact is, when it came right down to it, while I could taste the difference between all these different wines and beers, I didn't actually like them. I'd had to teach myself to drink alcohol when I was younger. I think most people probably did. How many kids have their first sip of red wine and say "wow, that was absolutely delicious!". No, I'd fooled myself into thinking I liked something I didn't. How stupid is that? Ridiculous. But that's what happened.
That's just one of the many myths about alcohol that book helped explode for me. And I found it tied in really well with the AVRT approach. Recognising that part of me that was coming up with all these lies about alcohol to keep me drinking. Once I fully absorbed that idea, saw the lies for what they were, the desire went. Not overnight. I had my struggles with AV for a while at first. But the more time I spent sober, the more I realised how much better my life had become, the less I heard from my AV.
I'm sure this approach won't work for everyone. I have never, and will never, say a word against AA or any of the many other methods people use to get sober. You've gotta do what works for you. This just happened to be what's worked for me.
And one other thing. Looking back over the years, every really stupid decision I've made as an adult, I made while drunk. For me to start drinking again would involve me making a really stupid decision while sober. I feel very confident that will not happen
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Thank you for this, OpenTuning - I'm sure many will benefit from your thoughts.
So proud of you for making a year. I drank 30 yrs. too, & never imagined a life without it. Today, it rarely crosses my mind. Congratulations on all the good new changes in your life.
So proud of you for making a year. I drank 30 yrs. too, & never imagined a life without it. Today, it rarely crosses my mind. Congratulations on all the good new changes in your life.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
