At what step ..
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I've done AA for years. I've had 4 sponsors and each have approached the steps with me quite differently. The most effective approach for me was when the sponsor was my guide, letting the book and its instructions be the resource (no additional projects, work sheets and other bs). We moved through the steps quickly because, for me, it started to 'click' when I got into service. I'm not a fan of taking 'forever' to do the steps as they can be done again as I learn and develop. They don't have to 'perfect' and I have found that my 2nd and 3rd sponsors were not only perfectionists, but control freaks. Not good sponsor qualities. The first one was just my friend, quite frankly. Taking too long to do the fourth steps can actually be dangerous, IMO. Again it can be redone.
I think Step 1 is the most important. If there's any step that will stall everything, its that's one.
Of course, all the step work and good intentions mean nothing if I'm not ALL IN. And I haven't been in the past. So I've failed. I can't fail again. Good luck.
I think Step 1 is the most important. If there's any step that will stall everything, its that's one.
Of course, all the step work and good intentions mean nothing if I'm not ALL IN. And I haven't been in the past. So I've failed. I can't fail again. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I found that every step helped me to recover a bit so that I was ready for the next step. The promises read in meetings at the Step 9 promises, but I felt that a lot of them had started to come true for me after step 5 or 6.
It's easy to be in a rush for all these changes to come at once, but we just need to trust the program and take it a day, and a step, at a time.
I quite liked reading the promises associated with each of the steps. Maybe this would help? All of the Promises of AA from the Founders - cametobelieve
It's easy to be in a rush for all these changes to come at once, but we just need to trust the program and take it a day, and a step, at a time.
I quite liked reading the promises associated with each of the steps. Maybe this would help? All of the Promises of AA from the Founders - cametobelieve
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Frick - thanks for your comments above. I just got a sponsor yesterday (I am on day 98) and am excited but a little nervous to start working with her. I approached her after the noon mtg yesterday bc my little voice said "yes! her!" (I'd been waiting to feel comfortable, get that urge, about asking someone) and she is a straight shooter! In a cool way, but as we talked for a couple hours yest and covered some of each other's basics, I told her at one point I could tell I was going to get mad at her at some point! Meant this in a good way. She sounds like she will be a book-focused, straightforward person like you describe worked for you and I think that is a great match for me.
To answer OP, step one. When I finally did it for real. And, I think I am about to get to start over with step one, so to speak, today with my sponsor. So here goes!
To answer OP, step one. When I finally did it for real. And, I think I am about to get to start over with step one, so to speak, today with my sponsor. So here goes!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
Many people don't follow ANY of the steps and get sober. Some people on here say this forum alone has been all they needed, plus there are other programs besides AA that work, too.
But if AA is your program of choice, a strong commitment and step one seem to be enough for those serious about quitting.
Having a good sponsor is also important.
I was sober a few months and then started AA mainly to KEEP myself sober. Personally I think it's vital to put effort into staying sober every single day, at least for the first year. I suggest getting very involved, attend lots of meetings, speak up frequently and maybe volunteer to chair some meetings, underline the most helpful parts of The Big Book and read them, over and over.
Have a plan to be actively involved with forever, since this life threatening condition we have is never going away.
Wishing you the best
But if AA is your program of choice, a strong commitment and step one seem to be enough for those serious about quitting.
Having a good sponsor is also important.
I was sober a few months and then started AA mainly to KEEP myself sober. Personally I think it's vital to put effort into staying sober every single day, at least for the first year. I suggest getting very involved, attend lots of meetings, speak up frequently and maybe volunteer to chair some meetings, underline the most helpful parts of The Big Book and read them, over and over.
Have a plan to be actively involved with forever, since this life threatening condition we have is never going away.
Wishing you the best
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
When I walked into my first aa meeting I was scared lost & broken and didn't know what to do or where I was headed I was a mess...after the first meeting I was given a where to find and the man who became my sponsor that night gave me a copy of living sober
That's how I started with aa literature I then read the big book, the 12 steps & 12 traditions and finally I read I came to believe
Going to meeting after meeting in early sobriety was keeping me sober and helping me to understand my alcoholism or alcohol problem
The more I listened the more I learned and the longer I stayed sober and fought against the cravings the more sobriety stuck
Kaily if you accept that every time you drink it's destructive to who you really are youl stop walking in circles trust me I was the exact same walking the same circles
Do it but do it for you don't let nothing come before your sobriety when your sick & tired of being sick & tired the recovery will set in the more time goes along youl start having mini epiphany's that will change the way you look & view things youl start doing stuff that the real you has always wanted to do
If I part any advice it'd be keep things simple it really helps
110% rooting for for you Kaily x
That's how I started with aa literature I then read the big book, the 12 steps & 12 traditions and finally I read I came to believe
Going to meeting after meeting in early sobriety was keeping me sober and helping me to understand my alcoholism or alcohol problem
The more I listened the more I learned and the longer I stayed sober and fought against the cravings the more sobriety stuck
Kaily if you accept that every time you drink it's destructive to who you really are youl stop walking in circles trust me I was the exact same walking the same circles
Do it but do it for you don't let nothing come before your sobriety when your sick & tired of being sick & tired the recovery will set in the more time goes along youl start having mini epiphany's that will change the way you look & view things youl start doing stuff that the real you has always wanted to do
If I part any advice it'd be keep things simple it really helps
110% rooting for for you Kaily x
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: glasgow scotland
Posts: 1,004
Hi Kaily most folks would say step 1 because its at the beginning , but there is another way to look at it if one goes ''entirely by the Big Book '' in the chapter Working with Others ' it talks about getting the newcomers confidence and once that is down explain the ''spiritual aspect '' and leave them with a copy of the Big Book .
Reality is if one thoroughly digests the Dr 's Opinion and admits and accepts its findings then a ''psychic change '' has taken place as in a complete reversal of ones thoughts as the''penny has dropped '' there is an answer and hope ensues , you might say that is ''took step 1 '' .
Again reality re the Book reading through Dr's Opinion , Bills story, More about Alcoholism , Chapter to Agnostics ,then How it Works , it goes on until it says ''if you want what we have and are ready to take certain steps '' ? what that shows is reading and digesting the Book and understanding it ''before you are ready to take certain steps , obviously beginning at step 1 .
Then it says on page 60 after the ''3 pertinent ideas (4th edition )'' '' being convinced '' we were at step 3 ( followed by explanations for outlining taking it)it now says in page 63 ''we were reborn '' we were ''now '' at step 3 then it reads the 3rd Step prayer .
This is how I did it without a sponsor and I went on to the 4th step inventory and then I involved another AA member to discuss the 5th step .
I have close friends in AA not sponsors , I believe in leaning on the program not the sponsor '' no human power could relieve my alcoholism '' and all humans have clay feet . I have a very close good relationship with my '' Higher Power '' which commenced in Step 3 (made conscious contact ) to me that is the entire ''key '' to the program . I improve my conscious contact in step 11 and find guidance through meditation , and constantly practice steps 10 11 and 12 (maintenance steps ) .
Sponsorship is wonderful if you get the right person '' if one prefers that way '' as yet I haven't felt the need and as I say I have AA friends if I need to discuss anything .
The 12 Steps are the solution to ''untreated alcoholism '' as once we put it down we are left with ourselves and ''selfishness and self centeredness is the root cause '' and the problem ''centers in the mind of the alcoholic '' so if you want to get well and recover then the steps are the answer , if you decide otherwise you may end up being dry drunk and miserable and discontent that is what happened to me and I wasted 33 years doing so .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
Reality is if one thoroughly digests the Dr 's Opinion and admits and accepts its findings then a ''psychic change '' has taken place as in a complete reversal of ones thoughts as the''penny has dropped '' there is an answer and hope ensues , you might say that is ''took step 1 '' .
Again reality re the Book reading through Dr's Opinion , Bills story, More about Alcoholism , Chapter to Agnostics ,then How it Works , it goes on until it says ''if you want what we have and are ready to take certain steps '' ? what that shows is reading and digesting the Book and understanding it ''before you are ready to take certain steps , obviously beginning at step 1 .
Then it says on page 60 after the ''3 pertinent ideas (4th edition )'' '' being convinced '' we were at step 3 ( followed by explanations for outlining taking it)it now says in page 63 ''we were reborn '' we were ''now '' at step 3 then it reads the 3rd Step prayer .
This is how I did it without a sponsor and I went on to the 4th step inventory and then I involved another AA member to discuss the 5th step .
I have close friends in AA not sponsors , I believe in leaning on the program not the sponsor '' no human power could relieve my alcoholism '' and all humans have clay feet . I have a very close good relationship with my '' Higher Power '' which commenced in Step 3 (made conscious contact ) to me that is the entire ''key '' to the program . I improve my conscious contact in step 11 and find guidance through meditation , and constantly practice steps 10 11 and 12 (maintenance steps ) .
Sponsorship is wonderful if you get the right person '' if one prefers that way '' as yet I haven't felt the need and as I say I have AA friends if I need to discuss anything .
The 12 Steps are the solution to ''untreated alcoholism '' as once we put it down we are left with ourselves and ''selfishness and self centeredness is the root cause '' and the problem ''centers in the mind of the alcoholic '' so if you want to get well and recover then the steps are the answer , if you decide otherwise you may end up being dry drunk and miserable and discontent that is what happened to me and I wasted 33 years doing so .
Regards Stevie recovered 12 03 2006
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
I worked those steps quickly at 2 weeks of sobriety. Step 2 came to life after I got past step 7. I worked the steps again at months 4, 8, and 18. Each time I had new revelations about myself and the world around me. Step 7 was the changing point for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I think recovery begins when we finally really, truly, fully and honestly embrace sobriety.
That shift happens for each of us at a different point in time, depending on a million variables of our own situation and perspective.
Regardless what recovery method we choose, I think we all go through some process of not really 'getting it', 'getting it' but not fully grabbing it, learning from our failures, going deeper, searching, asking, struggling and then eventually really taking off on a new life.
Hold faith in that day coming and keep showing up to do the work of sobriety every day - and that day will be here sooner than you can imagine.
That shift happens for each of us at a different point in time, depending on a million variables of our own situation and perspective.
Regardless what recovery method we choose, I think we all go through some process of not really 'getting it', 'getting it' but not fully grabbing it, learning from our failures, going deeper, searching, asking, struggling and then eventually really taking off on a new life.
Hold faith in that day coming and keep showing up to do the work of sobriety every day - and that day will be here sooner than you can imagine.
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Hard to say exactly.
However, Sugarbear's sentiment of step 2 making much more sense around step 7 was my experience as well.
"Coming to believe" is a process, not an event. For me, I began with a thin sliver of hope that NA and the steps would do something. Then I began to identify with other addicts in recovery, and I lived off of the evidence that recovery was working for them. Over time, I began to see evidence that recovery was working in my own life. Step two became stronger, and by that time I was deeper into the steps.
Somewhere at the end of 6 I began to believe that I could be restored to sanity in all areas of my life. Step 2 got a lot stronger and allowed me to practice 7.
I didn't get into recovery to stop using, because frankly, that sounded like a bad idea. But the drugs didn't work any longer and I felt worse than ever and had no idea how to handle life. I just wanted to pain to stop.
As time went on, I began to see that I could not only stay clean, but learn how to be comfortable in my own skin, learn how to navigate life, and that I could be able to survive my own emotions.
But when did recovery begin? - The moment I stopped using and surrendered to the process of recovery. It just didn't feel like it at the time.
However, Sugarbear's sentiment of step 2 making much more sense around step 7 was my experience as well.
"Coming to believe" is a process, not an event. For me, I began with a thin sliver of hope that NA and the steps would do something. Then I began to identify with other addicts in recovery, and I lived off of the evidence that recovery was working for them. Over time, I began to see evidence that recovery was working in my own life. Step two became stronger, and by that time I was deeper into the steps.
Somewhere at the end of 6 I began to believe that I could be restored to sanity in all areas of my life. Step 2 got a lot stronger and allowed me to practice 7.
I didn't get into recovery to stop using, because frankly, that sounded like a bad idea. But the drugs didn't work any longer and I felt worse than ever and had no idea how to handle life. I just wanted to pain to stop.
As time went on, I began to see that I could not only stay clean, but learn how to be comfortable in my own skin, learn how to navigate life, and that I could be able to survive my own emotions.
But when did recovery begin? - The moment I stopped using and surrendered to the process of recovery. It just didn't feel like it at the time.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
I think the question is sort of like living in a big city and asking which roads you took to get here. It's different for different people. Although the 12 steps are a "way", that same way has different paths. We have different "powers greater than ourselves". We have different 4th and 5th steps etc.
The "way" is somewhat different for each of us, and consequently what we see along the way is also different.
I believe my recovery began when I did the first step (even before my first meeting). My sobriety became grounded after the 5th.
Your mileage may vary.
The "way" is somewhat different for each of us, and consequently what we see along the way is also different.
I believe my recovery began when I did the first step (even before my first meeting). My sobriety became grounded after the 5th.
Your mileage may vary.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
At step three and about 90 daze into sobriety the obsession to drink was removed. I wasn't white knuckling not drinking. That I suppose is when I transitioned from abstinence into recovery - but it was only the beginning of the journey.
Step 4 and the humbling experience of step 5 made me feel "part of the AA club" and more importantly got down to causation / my part in the bad behaviors. This allowed me to deal with my feelings and give me the raw tools of correcting poor behaviors.
On step six/seven I read a book entitled Drop the Rock. Of all the books I've read, I credit this simple read with life changing events.
Best on your journey - thank you for the thread.
Step 4 and the humbling experience of step 5 made me feel "part of the AA club" and more importantly got down to causation / my part in the bad behaviors. This allowed me to deal with my feelings and give me the raw tools of correcting poor behaviors.
On step six/seven I read a book entitled Drop the Rock. Of all the books I've read, I credit this simple read with life changing events.
Best on your journey - thank you for the thread.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
That's great August. Just keep an open mind...if it's in the book or the 12x12, it's probably good direction. My 3rd sponsor had very little recovery. Pretty sure I was her first. She had so many additional projects....I felt like I was in school. And she wanted to be my counselor and my Mom (I have mommy issues so bad idea). She was sweet and meant well. My last sponsor had 24 yrs, was a no bs, I'm not your darn mommy kinda gal. Love her. Want her back when I'm ready. If she'll have me of course.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 1,074
Originally Posted by Kaily 
I have attended AA and read loads of stuff about the 12 steps. Just wondering at what step did things begin to make sense and the recovery begin?
DOS: 08-16-2012
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Central Iowa
Posts: 365
Also step 4 for me. That's the first step you really have to take action to complete. That's why so many people do 1-3 but never do step 4 and ultimately never stop drinking. From what I've seen your chances of staying sober and happy greatly improve by doing an honest step 4 and 5.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
recovery started on my 1st day sober after i decided i wanted to stop drinking and change me.
depends on what "things begin to make sense and the recovery begin?" means.
at step 1 unmanagability and powelessness finally made sense.
at step 2 just how insane i was and there was a power greater than me that could help finally made sense.
at step 3 how terrible i was at running the show finally made sense.
at step 4 my past controlled me and was a key to my future finally made sense.
at step 5 im not unique finally made sense
at step 6 i hadda lotta crap i wanted gone finally made sense
at step 7 God could help finally made sense.
at step 8 i harmed a LOT of people finally made sense
at step 9...welp, quite a bit- some people still didnt want to see me, some people are very forgiving, some dont remeber,which led to im really not that important finally made sense.
at step 10 i still gonna make mistakes finally made sense.
at step 11 doing Gods will and i needed to listen for Him better finally made sense.
at step 12 ,having to put everything into action daily for the rest of my life finally made sense.
theres a lot more that started making sense in there and even still today theres some things that finally make sense.
i dont know everything and dont have to finally made sense in there somewhere.
depends on what "things begin to make sense and the recovery begin?" means.
at step 1 unmanagability and powelessness finally made sense.
at step 2 just how insane i was and there was a power greater than me that could help finally made sense.
at step 3 how terrible i was at running the show finally made sense.
at step 4 my past controlled me and was a key to my future finally made sense.
at step 5 im not unique finally made sense
at step 6 i hadda lotta crap i wanted gone finally made sense
at step 7 God could help finally made sense.
at step 8 i harmed a LOT of people finally made sense
at step 9...welp, quite a bit- some people still didnt want to see me, some people are very forgiving, some dont remeber,which led to im really not that important finally made sense.
at step 10 i still gonna make mistakes finally made sense.
at step 11 doing Gods will and i needed to listen for Him better finally made sense.
at step 12 ,having to put everything into action daily for the rest of my life finally made sense.
theres a lot more that started making sense in there and even still today theres some things that finally make sense.
i dont know everything and dont have to finally made sense in there somewhere.
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