First time poster- conflicted wife of an addict.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5
First time poster- conflicted wife of an addict.
This is my first time posting on any of these forums, though I read many of them frequently. I married my husband 2 years ago. We have a 1 year old son together and, from the outside, a typical life. He was in recovery with the aid of Suboxone when we met. Through the 5 years of our relationship, I have found him using pills at least a few times each year. He says this is because he is unable to get his Suboxone from his usual source. We fight, I say it's his last chance, he gets back on to Suboxone, repeat, repeat, repeat. I swear that every time is the last, but here is where I am really needing support/advice/experiences. He gets up each day, goes to work, provides for our family (I'm a SAHM) and, though he does nothing but lay around otherwise, I feel like I have no right to really complain since he is functioning as a normal person. I feel like I should just put up with his use because he's not stealing, disappearing, or any other extreme behavior. when do you know it's time to leave? Is it illogical to think that he can just continue on this way? i am stuck in this disgusting place between wanting my family to stay together and wanting to protect myself and my son from his addiction. I grew up with an alcoholic mother and stepfather and promised I would never do that to my child- but here I am. Sorry for the length. I appreciate the time you took to read this.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
Hello and welcome. It is great that you are reaching out for advice. What we cannot do alone, we can do together.
Honestly, as a recovering heroin and cocaine addict and alcoholic, suboxone and Antabuse, along with working the AA program, saved my life. I will have 18 months sober soon. Congrats on fighting for a better life for you and your family!
I did notice that you said your husband was getting his suboxone from a "source." Does this mean he does not get it prescribed by a doctor? I have bought suboxone off the street before also, so I know it is available, but if he has a long-time plan to stay sober he should be getting it from a reliable, legal source--a doctor.
Also, you said you have caught him using pills a couple times a year. This is a red flag because he is using something and not totally clean and sober. I hope I am not sounding like a nag or like I am lecturing, but this fact is alarming. Relapse, often but not always, happens--is he taking action to prevent himself from another relapse?
There is a difference between being a functioning and contributing member of your family, and someone who improves and benefits your family. Do you feel like you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop and a relapse/drama/disaster is always just around the corner? Alcoholism and addiction are the only diseases that effect people not afflicted with it. It is a family disease.--something the whole family will have to deal with. Think about the drama and turmoil it brings. If your husband is willing to get and stay clean, it will be a part of your lives forever. It is possible to live free and not be constantly dragged down by the bondage of addiction, but it is a lifelong battle. It is worth the fight though, to come out on the other side victorious.
I suggest going to NARANON or ALANON, a support group for families and friends of addicts/alcoholics. It helped my family tremendously.
You said there is no extreme behavior currently but addiction is a progressive disease==it only gets worse (stronger) over time.
I pray you and your family find peace. Hope this helps. Keep fighting love<3
Honestly, as a recovering heroin and cocaine addict and alcoholic, suboxone and Antabuse, along with working the AA program, saved my life. I will have 18 months sober soon. Congrats on fighting for a better life for you and your family!
I did notice that you said your husband was getting his suboxone from a "source." Does this mean he does not get it prescribed by a doctor? I have bought suboxone off the street before also, so I know it is available, but if he has a long-time plan to stay sober he should be getting it from a reliable, legal source--a doctor.
Also, you said you have caught him using pills a couple times a year. This is a red flag because he is using something and not totally clean and sober. I hope I am not sounding like a nag or like I am lecturing, but this fact is alarming. Relapse, often but not always, happens--is he taking action to prevent himself from another relapse?
There is a difference between being a functioning and contributing member of your family, and someone who improves and benefits your family. Do you feel like you are just waiting for the other shoe to drop and a relapse/drama/disaster is always just around the corner? Alcoholism and addiction are the only diseases that effect people not afflicted with it. It is a family disease.--something the whole family will have to deal with. Think about the drama and turmoil it brings. If your husband is willing to get and stay clean, it will be a part of your lives forever. It is possible to live free and not be constantly dragged down by the bondage of addiction, but it is a lifelong battle. It is worth the fight though, to come out on the other side victorious.
I suggest going to NARANON or ALANON, a support group for families and friends of addicts/alcoholics. It helped my family tremendously.
You said there is no extreme behavior currently but addiction is a progressive disease==it only gets worse (stronger) over time.
I pray you and your family find peace. Hope this helps. Keep fighting love<3
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5
Thank you so much for your reply. Just telling another human these things is freeing. Congratulations on your sobriety!
He is getting his Suboxone on the street- from a family friend actually. He did go to a clinic for a while and even got them paid by prescription but he says he feels judged at those places. He feels as though he is better than others who are struggling with the same disease. He also has a career which would be affected very negatively if his addiction problems came to light.
The last time I found pills (mid-January) I told him that if it happened again he had to go back to a doctor for a prescription- no ifs ands or buts. I guess I just lost my will to fight with him about it at this point.
I do often feel like I'm just waiting for him to use pills. It's almost like I'm relieved and devastated at the same time when I find them because at least I know that I know the truth- I'm not just being naive and stupid by assuming he's taking his Suboxone correctly.
I realize assuming he'll just get better or maintain his current situation on his own is ridiculous. I guess I just needed to hear someone else say it.
Thank you for your levelheaded and kind words.
He is getting his Suboxone on the street- from a family friend actually. He did go to a clinic for a while and even got them paid by prescription but he says he feels judged at those places. He feels as though he is better than others who are struggling with the same disease. He also has a career which would be affected very negatively if his addiction problems came to light.
The last time I found pills (mid-January) I told him that if it happened again he had to go back to a doctor for a prescription- no ifs ands or buts. I guess I just lost my will to fight with him about it at this point.
I do often feel like I'm just waiting for him to use pills. It's almost like I'm relieved and devastated at the same time when I find them because at least I know that I know the truth- I'm not just being naive and stupid by assuming he's taking his Suboxone correctly.
I realize assuming he'll just get better or maintain his current situation on his own is ridiculous. I guess I just needed to hear someone else say it.
Thank you for your levelheaded and kind words.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Second Chances.....Have y ou ever considered "Adult Children of Alcoholics?" (ACOA)......
Since you were raised by an alcoholic mother and stepfather.....you certainly would qualify.....
Why not check it out?
dandylion
Since you were raised by an alcoholic mother and stepfather.....you certainly would qualify.....
Why not check it out?
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
SecondChances,
I was in a similar situation. My husband (STBXH) was a veteran. He abused oxy. I could see his addiction progressing, but I tried to ignore it because everything else was so good. I, too, was a SAHM and loved being able to spend so much time with my children. But his problem became impossible to ignore, and my children really suffered. My son even ingested one of his oxys because he became so careless. He could have died. And the worst part about it was that my husband lied about it. He even called from the hospital saying not to worry- that it wasn't oxy. I received a call from a social worker seconds later that she'd overheard him lying and I needed to come right away.
Soon after that, a friend told me that he had been supplementing his prescription illegally through a friend of hers. He was on the maximum dosage already, and still that wasn't enough. I demanded he go to rehab, so he did, or pretended to. He'd call every day and tell me about his meetings, when it turned out he was actually living in his car. Looking back, I should have left right then and there. But I didn't. Instead, I took things into my own things, or at least I thought I did. I got him enrolled in a program and marched him down to his doctor's to demand they make a note in his file that he's addicted to oxy and needs something else.
Things just got crazier and crazier, but I went a good 3 years pretending things were fine. We'd agreed I could drug test him at any time, but I think I was afraid to know the truth. I could see through his behavior that he was on something. He started doing projects around the house, none of which ever got finished. It was so chaotic and dangerous. He'd decide to make a built-in bookcase and just sledgehammer away at our wall, then abandon that project to rip up a section of carpet, then leave that, nails sticking out and all, to patch up imperfections in the ceilings and walls that no one else saw (never retexture and paint, just spackle).
I finally realized I couldn't keep living in denial and told him to take a drug test or I was leaving. He made his choice, so I took the kids and left. I should have stayed away that time, but he begged for me back. He tested positive for meth. He swears the test was false. More craziness.
I recently found out he's taken out several loans in my name, forging my signature to do so. So really, all this time I thought, "Well, he's still supporting us," he wasn't. We're now $70,000 in debt that I didn't even know about.
Of course, this is not to say that your husband will end up the same way. Just please be cautious. I'd recommend separating your finances as much as possible. You need to know exactly where all money is being spent. Check your credit report often. Watch out for trips to the grocery store where more is spent than should be. I never understood why my husband would go to the store for a gatorade and the charge would be over $20. He was getting cash back every day to spend on drugs.
Please be careful. Don't get wrapped up in his addiction. Codependency groups have been a tremendous help to me. They made me realize how much I'd revolved my life around his addiction, and how unhealthy that had been.
Blessings.
I was in a similar situation. My husband (STBXH) was a veteran. He abused oxy. I could see his addiction progressing, but I tried to ignore it because everything else was so good. I, too, was a SAHM and loved being able to spend so much time with my children. But his problem became impossible to ignore, and my children really suffered. My son even ingested one of his oxys because he became so careless. He could have died. And the worst part about it was that my husband lied about it. He even called from the hospital saying not to worry- that it wasn't oxy. I received a call from a social worker seconds later that she'd overheard him lying and I needed to come right away.
Soon after that, a friend told me that he had been supplementing his prescription illegally through a friend of hers. He was on the maximum dosage already, and still that wasn't enough. I demanded he go to rehab, so he did, or pretended to. He'd call every day and tell me about his meetings, when it turned out he was actually living in his car. Looking back, I should have left right then and there. But I didn't. Instead, I took things into my own things, or at least I thought I did. I got him enrolled in a program and marched him down to his doctor's to demand they make a note in his file that he's addicted to oxy and needs something else.
Things just got crazier and crazier, but I went a good 3 years pretending things were fine. We'd agreed I could drug test him at any time, but I think I was afraid to know the truth. I could see through his behavior that he was on something. He started doing projects around the house, none of which ever got finished. It was so chaotic and dangerous. He'd decide to make a built-in bookcase and just sledgehammer away at our wall, then abandon that project to rip up a section of carpet, then leave that, nails sticking out and all, to patch up imperfections in the ceilings and walls that no one else saw (never retexture and paint, just spackle).
I finally realized I couldn't keep living in denial and told him to take a drug test or I was leaving. He made his choice, so I took the kids and left. I should have stayed away that time, but he begged for me back. He tested positive for meth. He swears the test was false. More craziness.
I recently found out he's taken out several loans in my name, forging my signature to do so. So really, all this time I thought, "Well, he's still supporting us," he wasn't. We're now $70,000 in debt that I didn't even know about.
Of course, this is not to say that your husband will end up the same way. Just please be cautious. I'd recommend separating your finances as much as possible. You need to know exactly where all money is being spent. Check your credit report often. Watch out for trips to the grocery store where more is spent than should be. I never understood why my husband would go to the store for a gatorade and the charge would be over $20. He was getting cash back every day to spend on drugs.
Please be careful. Don't get wrapped up in his addiction. Codependency groups have been a tremendous help to me. They made me realize how much I'd revolved my life around his addiction, and how unhealthy that had been.
Blessings.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
OMG hechosedrugs. I'm so sorry for what you have been though with your husband. The sad thing is that as I read the words, I could totally see it all going down. How it seems like something on the surface, but as you uncover the layers, like peeling an onion, it just stinks. As a recovering addict myself, it is horrifying to realize the lengths we go to, to cover up the addiction and disease.
I commend you for taking your children and leaving. I wish you the best and am glad your children will know you saved them all.
Keep fighting<3
I commend you for taking your children and leaving. I wish you the best and am glad your children will know you saved them all.
Keep fighting<3
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
I felt the same way
Originally Posted by 25SecondChances 
Thank you so much for your reply. Just telling another human these things is freeing. Congratulations on your sobriety!
He is getting his Suboxone on the street- from a family friend actually. He did go to a clinic for a while and even got them paid by prescription but he says he feels judged at those places. He feels as though he is better than others who are struggling with the same disease. He also has a career which would be affected very negatively if his addiction problems came to light.
The last time I found pills (mid-January) I told him that if it happened again he had to go back to a doctor for a prescription- no ifs ands or buts. I guess I just lost my will to fight with him about it at this point.
I do often feel like I'm just waiting for him to use pills. It's almost like I'm relieved and devastated at the same time when I find them because at least I know that I know the truth- I'm not just being naive and stupid by assuming he's taking his Suboxone correctly.
I realize assuming he'll just get better or maintain his current situation on his own is ridiculous. I guess I just needed to hear someone else say it.
Thank you for your levelheaded and kind words.
He is getting his Suboxone on the street- from a family friend actually. He did go to a clinic for a while and even got them paid by prescription but he says he feels judged at those places. He feels as though he is better than others who are struggling with the same disease. He also has a career which would be affected very negatively if his addiction problems came to light.
The last time I found pills (mid-January) I told him that if it happened again he had to go back to a doctor for a prescription- no ifs ands or buts. I guess I just lost my will to fight with him about it at this point.
I do often feel like I'm just waiting for him to use pills. It's almost like I'm relieved and devastated at the same time when I find them because at least I know that I know the truth- I'm not just being naive and stupid by assuming he's taking his Suboxone correctly.
I realize assuming he'll just get better or maintain his current situation on his own is ridiculous. I guess I just needed to hear someone else say it.
Thank you for your levelheaded and kind words.
When you said he feels judged at the suboxone places-I get it. I was on methadone for years and I really felt the same way. Plus when I went to get the medicine from the clinic, I was surrounded by junkies and I felt like addiction and the lifestyle was just shoved in my face. But when I started doing step work and really took a truthful, honest, hard, uncomfortable look at myself and my motives, I realized this was just another excuse I was telling myself.
I agree in above offered advice that you should try to separate your finances somehow, even if it's just a little bit, for your own sanity.
Good luck and keep fighting<3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I feel like I have no right to really complain since he is functioning as a normal person. I feel like I should just put up with his use because he's not stealing, disappearing, or any other extreme behavior
first off, he is NOT behaving like a "normal" person......buying drugs off the streets is NOT normal behavior. unless of course you're an addict. that's a pretty low standard you have set up for him there.
marriage is about more than one bringing in a paycheck. and just because he DOES so, doesn't grant him any special rights to act like an utter jackass the rest of the time. that's not a relationship, that's a negotiation at best.
pretty interesting deflection on his part to say that he felt "judged" at the CLINIC getting his suboxene LEGALLY but has no problemo acquiring them illegally. and why is that??? because he doesn't have to play by the rules, or be doled out only so many - he is still using them like an ADDICT. and addicts don't manage their intake very well!!!
if something were to go south, are you ready and prepared to get back in the work force and support yourself and the baby? i'd suggest you AT LEAST give that some thought. relying on the unreliable is a pretty lousy plan.........and you and the baby deserve better.
first off, he is NOT behaving like a "normal" person......buying drugs off the streets is NOT normal behavior. unless of course you're an addict. that's a pretty low standard you have set up for him there.
marriage is about more than one bringing in a paycheck. and just because he DOES so, doesn't grant him any special rights to act like an utter jackass the rest of the time. that's not a relationship, that's a negotiation at best.
pretty interesting deflection on his part to say that he felt "judged" at the CLINIC getting his suboxene LEGALLY but has no problemo acquiring them illegally. and why is that??? because he doesn't have to play by the rules, or be doled out only so many - he is still using them like an ADDICT. and addicts don't manage their intake very well!!!
if something were to go south, are you ready and prepared to get back in the work force and support yourself and the baby? i'd suggest you AT LEAST give that some thought. relying on the unreliable is a pretty lousy plan.........and you and the baby deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
I feel like I have no right to really complain since he is functioning as a normal person. I feel like I should just put up with his use because he's not stealing, disappearing, or any other extreme behavior
first off, he is NOT behaving like a "normal" person......buying drugs off the streets is NOT normal behavior. unless of course you're an addict. that's a pretty low standard you have set up for him there.
marriage is about more than one bringing in a paycheck. and just because he DOES so, doesn't grant him any special rights to act like an utter jackass the rest of the time. that's not a relationship, that's a negotiation at best.
pretty interesting deflection on his part to say that he felt "judged" at the CLINIC getting his suboxene LEGALLY but has no problemo acquiring them illegally. and why is that??? because he doesn't have to play by the rules, or be doled out only so many - he is still using them like an ADDICT. and addicts don't manage their intake very well!!!
if something were to go south, are you ready and prepared to get back in the work force and support yourself and the baby? i'd suggest you AT LEAST give that some thought. relying on the unreliable is a pretty lousy plan.........and you and the baby deserve better.
first off, he is NOT behaving like a "normal" person......buying drugs off the streets is NOT normal behavior. unless of course you're an addict. that's a pretty low standard you have set up for him there.
marriage is about more than one bringing in a paycheck. and just because he DOES so, doesn't grant him any special rights to act like an utter jackass the rest of the time. that's not a relationship, that's a negotiation at best.
pretty interesting deflection on his part to say that he felt "judged" at the CLINIC getting his suboxene LEGALLY but has no problemo acquiring them illegally. and why is that??? because he doesn't have to play by the rules, or be doled out only so many - he is still using them like an ADDICT. and addicts don't manage their intake very well!!!
if something were to go south, are you ready and prepared to get back in the work force and support yourself and the baby? i'd suggest you AT LEAST give that some thought. relying on the unreliable is a pretty lousy plan.........and you and the baby deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs
SecondChances,
I was in a similar situation. My husband (STBXH) was a veteran. He abused oxy. I could see his addiction progressing, but I tried to ignore it because everything else was so good. I, too, was a SAHM and loved being able to spend so much time with my children. But his problem became impossible to ignore, and my children really suffered. My son even ingested one of his oxys because he became so careless. He could have died. And the worst part about it was that my husband lied about it. He even called from the hospital saying not to worry- that it wasn't oxy. I received a call from a social worker seconds later that she'd overheard him lying and I needed to come right away.
Soon after that, a friend told me that he had been supplementing his prescription illegally through a friend of hers. He was on the maximum dosage already, and still that wasn't enough. I demanded he go to rehab, so he did, or pretended to. He'd call every day and tell me about his meetings, when it turned out he was actually living in his car. Looking back, I should have left right then and there. But I didn't. Instead, I took things into my own things, or at least I thought I did. I got him enrolled in a program and marched him down to his doctor's to demand they make a note in his file that he's addicted to oxy and needs something else.
Things just got crazier and crazier, but I went a good 3 years pretending things were fine. We'd agreed I could drug test him at any time, but I think I was afraid to know the truth. I could see through his behavior that he was on something. He started doing projects around the house, none of which ever got finished. It was so chaotic and dangerous. He'd decide to make a built-in bookcase and just sledgehammer away at our wall, then abandon that project to rip up a section of carpet, then leave that, nails sticking out and all, to patch up imperfections in the ceilings and walls that no one else saw (never retexture and paint, just spackle).
I finally realized I couldn't keep living in denial and told him to take a drug test or I was leaving. He made his choice, so I took the kids and left. I should have stayed away that time, but he begged for me back. He tested positive for meth. He swears the test was false. More craziness.
I recently found out he's taken out several loans in my name, forging my signature to do so. So really, all this time I thought, "Well, he's still supporting us," he wasn't. We're now $70,000 in debt that I didn't even know about.
Of course, this is not to say that your husband will end up the same way. Just please be cautious. I'd recommend separating your finances as much as possible. You need to know exactly where all money is being spent. Check your credit report often. Watch out for trips to the grocery store where more is spent than should be. I never understood why my husband would go to the store for a gatorade and the charge would be over $20. He was getting cash back every day to spend on drugs.
Please be careful. Don't get wrapped up in his addiction. Codependency groups have been a tremendous help to me. They made me realize how much I'd revolved my life around his addiction, and how unhealthy that had been.
Blessings.
I was in a similar situation. My husband (STBXH) was a veteran. He abused oxy. I could see his addiction progressing, but I tried to ignore it because everything else was so good. I, too, was a SAHM and loved being able to spend so much time with my children. But his problem became impossible to ignore, and my children really suffered. My son even ingested one of his oxys because he became so careless. He could have died. And the worst part about it was that my husband lied about it. He even called from the hospital saying not to worry- that it wasn't oxy. I received a call from a social worker seconds later that she'd overheard him lying and I needed to come right away.
Soon after that, a friend told me that he had been supplementing his prescription illegally through a friend of hers. He was on the maximum dosage already, and still that wasn't enough. I demanded he go to rehab, so he did, or pretended to. He'd call every day and tell me about his meetings, when it turned out he was actually living in his car. Looking back, I should have left right then and there. But I didn't. Instead, I took things into my own things, or at least I thought I did. I got him enrolled in a program and marched him down to his doctor's to demand they make a note in his file that he's addicted to oxy and needs something else.
Things just got crazier and crazier, but I went a good 3 years pretending things were fine. We'd agreed I could drug test him at any time, but I think I was afraid to know the truth. I could see through his behavior that he was on something. He started doing projects around the house, none of which ever got finished. It was so chaotic and dangerous. He'd decide to make a built-in bookcase and just sledgehammer away at our wall, then abandon that project to rip up a section of carpet, then leave that, nails sticking out and all, to patch up imperfections in the ceilings and walls that no one else saw (never retexture and paint, just spackle).
I finally realized I couldn't keep living in denial and told him to take a drug test or I was leaving. He made his choice, so I took the kids and left. I should have stayed away that time, but he begged for me back. He tested positive for meth. He swears the test was false. More craziness.
I recently found out he's taken out several loans in my name, forging my signature to do so. So really, all this time I thought, "Well, he's still supporting us," he wasn't. We're now $70,000 in debt that I didn't even know about.
Of course, this is not to say that your husband will end up the same way. Just please be cautious. I'd recommend separating your finances as much as possible. You need to know exactly where all money is being spent. Check your credit report often. Watch out for trips to the grocery store where more is spent than should be. I never understood why my husband would go to the store for a gatorade and the charge would be over $20. He was getting cash back every day to spend on drugs.
Please be careful. Don't get wrapped up in his addiction. Codependency groups have been a tremendous help to me. They made me realize how much I'd revolved my life around his addiction, and how unhealthy that had been.
Blessings.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by Sunshine1234
So scary about your child injesting an oxy. I worry about that with my husbands suboxone...I had to move out because I was just too nervous for myself and our kids. My husband too would start so many projects around the house and never finish. I just couldn't understand why he was always doing such a half a*s job. I always felt something wasn't right and he denied everything until one night he didn't come home and I filed a missing persons report. The cops found him at a motel down the street and after that everything blew up and I unraveled so many different things about him. We are currently separated and I'm so much happier. We have 2 small children. Just curious, where are you at now with him?
My STBX is charismatic and has a way of getting people to bend to his will. I am terrified that he will convince the courts that I am the one with the problem- he even said that if I told them he was doing drugs, he'd say the same about me, and that he'd have just as much proof as I do. The only proof I have is the report from the incident involving my son.
It's scary when you're dealing with someone with absolutely no morals, and no qualms whatsoever about lying. He knows how to cheat drug tests, so I fear he'll never be caught. I just keep praying that his lies and manipulations will come to the surface soon.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5
Hechosedrugs your experience is so similar to mine. Right down to the starting projects like crazy and never finishing them. When he's super motivated around the house that's when I know that he has fallen back to the pills. He is getting Suboxone (sublingual) through a family friend and I am sure that that is what it is. Something always happens to make it so that he wasn't able to get it, it's always suppliers fault, and that's what he blames. That's why he has to start taking pills. Every time I find out he says 'I was going to tell you.. I just couldn't.. You don't understand what it's like to have to go to work feeling sick and know one thing will help!' I know I should leave. I guess I'm just scared and don't know how...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
I feel like I have no right to really complain since he is functioning as a normal person. I feel like I should just put up with his use because he's not stealing, disappearing, or any other extreme behavior
first off, he is NOT behaving like a "normal" person......buying drugs off the streets is NOT normal behavior. unless of course you're an addict. that's a pretty low standard you have set up for him there.
marriage is about more than one bringing in a paycheck. and just because he DOES so, doesn't grant him any special rights to act like an utter jackass the rest of the time. that's not a relationship, that's a negotiation at best.
pretty interesting deflection on his part to say that he felt "judged" at the CLINIC getting his suboxene LEGALLY but has no problemo acquiring them illegally. and why is that??? because he doesn't have to play by the rules, or be doled out only so many - he is still using them like an ADDICT. and addicts don't manage their intake very well!!!
if something were to go south, are you ready and prepared to get back in the work force and support yourself and the baby? i'd suggest you AT LEAST give that some thought. relying on the unreliable is a pretty lousy plan.........and you and the baby deserve better.
first off, he is NOT behaving like a "normal" person......buying drugs off the streets is NOT normal behavior. unless of course you're an addict. that's a pretty low standard you have set up for him there.
marriage is about more than one bringing in a paycheck. and just because he DOES so, doesn't grant him any special rights to act like an utter jackass the rest of the time. that's not a relationship, that's a negotiation at best.
pretty interesting deflection on his part to say that he felt "judged" at the CLINIC getting his suboxene LEGALLY but has no problemo acquiring them illegally. and why is that??? because he doesn't have to play by the rules, or be doled out only so many - he is still using them like an ADDICT. and addicts don't manage their intake very well!!!
if something were to go south, are you ready and prepared to get back in the work force and support yourself and the baby? i'd suggest you AT LEAST give that some thought. relying on the unreliable is a pretty lousy plan.........and you and the baby deserve better.
Part of the reason he is so opposed to the Suboxone clinics is the fact that his career has him in the public sector, dealing with people who he could very well run into in those places. Having that be a known fact about himself would make his job pretty tough/impossible to continue. That's his reasoning anyway. We had a great setup at a wellness center but once group therapy started being necessary he left. Without telling me he was leaving the program.
I worked my entire life until becoming a stay at home mom last year. I have a bachelors and could certainly support myself and my son if necessary. I wanted so much to give him a childhood that included having a mom at home. It's upsets me that this could become impossible because of my husband. We do deserve better. If not me then definitely my son.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by dandylion
Second Chances.....Have y ou ever considered "Adult Children of Alcoholics?" (ACOA)......
Since you were raised by an alcoholic mother and stepfather.....you certainly would qualify.....
Why not check it out?
dandylion
Since you were raised by an alcoholic mother and stepfather.....you certainly would qualify.....
Why not check it out?
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs
We're divorcing and I'm seeking sole legal and sole physical custody. So much information has come to the surface- my friend confirmed a longheld suspicion of mine- that he had molested her son. However, she doesn't want to report it, and her son doesn't want to, either. She now says she was drunk when she made the confession, and that nothing ever happened. But I know the truth, and deep down, I always did- it was just too painful to accept. My lawyer has advised me not to bring this up in court, as the mother and son will deny it and it will just make me look crazy (which my STBX is trying to do, anyway).
My STBX is charismatic and has a way of getting people to bend to his will. I am terrified that he will convince the courts that I am the one with the problem- he even said that if I told them he was doing drugs, he'd say the same about me, and that he'd have just as much proof as I do. The only proof I have is the report from the incident involving my son.
It's scary when you're dealing with someone with absolutely no morals, and no qualms whatsoever about lying. He knows how to cheat drug tests, so I fear he'll never be caught. I just keep praying that his lies and manipulations will come to the surface soon.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
My STBX will most definitely show up for the custody hearing. Courtrooms are his playground- he's sued for many things, mostly to get benefits from the military that he doesn't deserve. My lawyer tells me not to worry- that he's won his past battles by playing the victim card, and that victims don't get custody.
I sometimes wonder if my STBX switched his drug of choice to something that doesn't show up on drug tests. After he'd tested positive for meth, his behavior became even crazier. I was so shocked when I tested him again and he was negative. I've heard that fentanyl doesn't show up, as it's a fully synthetic opioid, so that may be what he's using now.
That's interesting what your lawyer said about hair follicle testing. Mine said the courts only test urine. Maybe it varies by location.
Best wishes to you
I sometimes wonder if my STBX switched his drug of choice to something that doesn't show up on drug tests. After he'd tested positive for meth, his behavior became even crazier. I was so shocked when I tested him again and he was negative. I've heard that fentanyl doesn't show up, as it's a fully synthetic opioid, so that may be what he's using now.
That's interesting what your lawyer said about hair follicle testing. Mine said the courts only test urine. Maybe it varies by location.
Best wishes to you
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs
My STBX will most definitely show up for the custody hearing. Courtrooms are his playground- he's sued for many things, mostly to get benefits from the military that he doesn't deserve. My lawyer tells me not to worry- that he's won his past battles by playing the victim card, and that victims don't get custody.
I sometimes wonder if my STBX switched his drug of choice to something that doesn't show up on drug tests. After he'd tested positive for meth, his behavior became even crazier. I was so shocked when I tested him again and he was negative. I've heard that fentanyl doesn't show up, as it's a fully synthetic opioid, so that may be what he's using now.
That's interesting what your lawyer said about hair follicle testing. Mine said the courts only test urine. Maybe it varies by location.
Best wishes to you
I sometimes wonder if my STBX switched his drug of choice to something that doesn't show up on drug tests. After he'd tested positive for meth, his behavior became even crazier. I was so shocked when I tested him again and he was negative. I've heard that fentanyl doesn't show up, as it's a fully synthetic opioid, so that may be what he's using now.
That's interesting what your lawyer said about hair follicle testing. Mine said the courts only test urine. Maybe it varies by location.
Best wishes to you
The 14 panel hair follicle drug screening includes testing for everything within the 12 panel in addition to: Fentanyl and Sufentanil.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Ellicott City, MD
Posts: 72
And eventually....
For the members whose loved ones are taking pills when they can't get suboxone--
If they are telling you they take pills when they can't get suboxone-they are more than likely lying. You can't just take them interchangeably like that and that is something you should ask your lawyer if you should bring up in court. You have to wait 24 hours after you take any opiates to take the suboxone or else it throws you into immediate withdraws. And trust me, I could definitely find something within 24 hours. Eventually though at some point, they won't be able to find pills or the money runs out and you turn to heroin because it's cheaper and more readily available. This is a sad reality, and it is true in most cases.
Good luck everyone.
If they are telling you they take pills when they can't get suboxone-they are more than likely lying. You can't just take them interchangeably like that and that is something you should ask your lawyer if you should bring up in court. You have to wait 24 hours after you take any opiates to take the suboxone or else it throws you into immediate withdraws. And trust me, I could definitely find something within 24 hours. Eventually though at some point, they won't be able to find pills or the money runs out and you turn to heroin because it's cheaper and more readily available. This is a sad reality, and it is true in most cases.
Good luck everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Originally Posted by pandblvr
For the members whose loved ones are taking pills when they can't get suboxone--
If they are telling you they take pills when they can't get suboxone-they are more than likely lying. You can't just take them interchangeably like that and that is something you should ask your lawyer if you should bring up in court. You have to wait 24 hours after you take any opiates to take the suboxone or else it throws you into immediate withdraws. And trust me, I could definitely find something within 24 hours. Eventually though at some point, they won't be able to find pills or the money runs out and you turn to heroin because it's cheaper and more readily available. This is a sad reality, and it is true in most cases.
Good luck everyone.
If they are telling you they take pills when they can't get suboxone-they are more than likely lying. You can't just take them interchangeably like that and that is something you should ask your lawyer if you should bring up in court. You have to wait 24 hours after you take any opiates to take the suboxone or else it throws you into immediate withdraws. And trust me, I could definitely find something within 24 hours. Eventually though at some point, they won't be able to find pills or the money runs out and you turn to heroin because it's cheaper and more readily available. This is a sad reality, and it is true in most cases.
Good luck everyone.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
