New here and need support ACoA/recovering myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 7
New here and need support ACoA/recovering myself
I am an adult child of addicts/alcoholics and am a recovering alcoholic myself. Boy, it sounds so strange to admit that last part. I quit drinking on Sept 25, 2014...that's when I had my last drunk episode anyway. I had a little alcohol that christmas time and then Last summer around my birthday because a friend bought it for me not realizing I quit drinking because of my troubles with alcohol; she thought it was because I was dieting. I haven't touched alcohol in a year, haven't been drunk in almost 2 years. It feels so good.
My parents on the other hand. I don't know how clean my mom is or isn't. I cut her out on the assumption that she is dealing/doing again. I don't have a very good relationship with her. My sister and I are pretty certain that she is using again and more than just weed.
As for my dad, well, that's a different story. He was arrested in 2000 for drugs and child abuse, right before I turned 15. He had been clean ever since. 15 years of sobriety. About 5 years ago he was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and started smoking weed again. It helped and he didn't like taking his pain meds that were prescribed because it made him want to use his drugs of choice from the past. And, besides, we live in one of the states where it is legal, so whatever. Then the end of last summer beginning of the fall, he started drinking.
I know, it's legal and I shouldn't care. But, the only time my dad ever drank was when he COULDN'T get his drugs of choice, so this worried my sister and I. (There are 5 children all together, my brother is 13, so us grown girls lived through abuse and the drugs. Only 2 of us seemed concerned about his drinking). It also appeared that he may have been drinking and driving, but we couldn't prove it one way or another. So, my sister directly younger than I (I am the oldest and also helped raise my sisters from the time I was 5, so you have a little more background), had a little intervention. My dad said he would quit drinking. And, he either did, or just hid it better....I don't know what to believe.
Then, at the end of April, or beginning of May he had an COPD exacerbation/RA exacerbation that put him in the hospital overnight. And my sister says in the last month he has begun drinking again. Last week when I was over at his house visiting I thought I smelled alcohol on him, but wasn't sure. Last night while at dinner I was very sure and my sister confirmed it. I am once again torn by my feelings. I feel like the only way to deal, at least temporarily is to not see him. But, on the other hand, I feel like if the alcohol is not interfering with his job, and he is not endangering anyone I shouldn't care; especially if it helps.
I am just so worried that old habits are going to creep back in. And he has a minor child still living at home; and sadly, I would not be able to take my brother in. I feel responsible for making sure everything stays going well ( always have. The curse of the oldest child, I guess). But, I am almost 31 years old, I have my own family and a high stress job and I can't afford to let this affect my mental health. But, it does. I don't want my dad to be in pain, but I also don't want him to fall back into old habits. 15 years of sobriety down the drain....And I don't know how to help or fix it; I CAN'T fix it. Plus, all the feelings I never dealt with from my childhood creep back up.......
Thank you for reading, I will also cross post in the Adult Child of Addicts forums.
My parents on the other hand. I don't know how clean my mom is or isn't. I cut her out on the assumption that she is dealing/doing again. I don't have a very good relationship with her. My sister and I are pretty certain that she is using again and more than just weed.
As for my dad, well, that's a different story. He was arrested in 2000 for drugs and child abuse, right before I turned 15. He had been clean ever since. 15 years of sobriety. About 5 years ago he was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and started smoking weed again. It helped and he didn't like taking his pain meds that were prescribed because it made him want to use his drugs of choice from the past. And, besides, we live in one of the states where it is legal, so whatever. Then the end of last summer beginning of the fall, he started drinking.
I know, it's legal and I shouldn't care. But, the only time my dad ever drank was when he COULDN'T get his drugs of choice, so this worried my sister and I. (There are 5 children all together, my brother is 13, so us grown girls lived through abuse and the drugs. Only 2 of us seemed concerned about his drinking). It also appeared that he may have been drinking and driving, but we couldn't prove it one way or another. So, my sister directly younger than I (I am the oldest and also helped raise my sisters from the time I was 5, so you have a little more background), had a little intervention. My dad said he would quit drinking. And, he either did, or just hid it better....I don't know what to believe.
Then, at the end of April, or beginning of May he had an COPD exacerbation/RA exacerbation that put him in the hospital overnight. And my sister says in the last month he has begun drinking again. Last week when I was over at his house visiting I thought I smelled alcohol on him, but wasn't sure. Last night while at dinner I was very sure and my sister confirmed it. I am once again torn by my feelings. I feel like the only way to deal, at least temporarily is to not see him. But, on the other hand, I feel like if the alcohol is not interfering with his job, and he is not endangering anyone I shouldn't care; especially if it helps.
I am just so worried that old habits are going to creep back in. And he has a minor child still living at home; and sadly, I would not be able to take my brother in. I feel responsible for making sure everything stays going well ( always have. The curse of the oldest child, I guess). But, I am almost 31 years old, I have my own family and a high stress job and I can't afford to let this affect my mental health. But, it does. I don't want my dad to be in pain, but I also don't want him to fall back into old habits. 15 years of sobriety down the drain....And I don't know how to help or fix it; I CAN'T fix it. Plus, all the feelings I never dealt with from my childhood creep back up.......
Thank you for reading, I will also cross post in the Adult Child of Addicts forums.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi Aithyne & Welcome 
I'm sorry for what brings you here - it must be very worrisome for you. I too would be especially worried if there was a minor in your dads care.
I have no direct experience to share here, but I know others will.
I just wanted to say welcome & congrats on your own sobriety
D
I'm sorry for what brings you here - it must be very worrisome for you. I too would be especially worried if there was a minor in your dads care.
I have no direct experience to share here, but I know others will.
I just wanted to say welcome & congrats on your own sobriety
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 7
Thank you. It took almost 11 years of being with my husband, from the time I was 19 until 2014 so I was like 28 or 29 to realize that I was a binge alcoholic. No matter how many times my husband told me so. Then, when I saw the DSM 5 criteria last year regarding alcoholism and especially binge drinking I fit sooo many of them. It was a real eye opener, even though I had already made the choice to become sober.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
