INgal

Hi everyone,having a down day and needed to vent. My semi-recovering AS (not drinking, on Antabuse, but not in meetings) went with my best friend's daughter to a wedding two years ago. He got obnoxiously drunk and almost ruined the entire night for her. It was incredibly embarrassing and things have never been quite the same between my friend and me. My son apologized to them in a letter and has basically avoided the family for two years. Today is one of her other daughter's wedding and he was not invited. The rest of us are attending. I absolutely dread it. I'm sure I will be asked repeatedly where he is. My husband is hurt because they invited all of us but our son. I see both sides. I don't blame them for not inviting him, although I don't think he would have attended, nor drank if he had. If someone had done the same thing to my daughter, I would have a hard time forgiving them as well. It's all so sad.

I just needed to write this. There are a million worse alcoholic stories I know, but it just goes to show the far-reaching consequences of the disease. I just keep thinking-it'll all be over in 24 hours. Sigh.

Eauchiche

"Semi-recovering...."
I am so sorry for what brings you here. The disease of addiction is powerful and far-reaching, as your post proves.
Perhaps if your son were "fully recovering" the picture would be different? Like you, I cannot blame them for not inviting him.
I remember being very drunk at a wedding before I went sober, and I'm surprised somebody didn't ask me to leave.
Thanks for sharing. Enjoy today the best you can, and try not to overthink things. Perhaps no one will inquire about where your son is.

SparkleKitty

I am sorry to hear this, but when someone asks you where your son is you don't owe them an explanation of the circumstances. "He couldn't make it," will suffice. Try and focus on the joy of the day and the event for your friend. It is their day, after all.

dandylion

INgal......I understand how you must feel.
We can't control what our adult children do any more than we can control anyone else.
I think it is especially hard for us parents of alcoholics, because we tend to feel "responsible" just because we raised them......
And, societal attitudes, often, don't make it any easier, either! There are millions of other parents who understand this....so, you certainly belong to a big club....

My suggestion---remember the Serenity Prayer....because I think it applies.....

do your very best to stay in the moment, while you are at the wedding and enjoy yourself as much as you can. Feeling bad (and, I know that you do)....will not help anyone---especially, you.....

dandylion

Refiner

Hi INgal... I hope you can stop fretting and expending your precious energy on the joy, happiness, and celebration of this special day instead of towards the negativity of his poor choices. Are you wanting to shield him (his image) from his consequences? Or are you embarrassed for yourself? You shouldn't feel either. I'm guessing he's an adult? If someone asked him "where is AS?" You can simply say "I'm not sure... Perhaps xyz <insert a favorite activity here>" You owe no explanations and you certainly don't need to "cover" for him.

AnvilheadII

I just keep thinking-it'll all be over in 24 hours.

sounds like you're going in for a triple root canal instead of the wedding of your best friend's daughter! ??

you don't HAVE to go.........but nor do you have to make excuses for someone who was not invited. i would assume that most people will be focused on the bride and groom and not the invitee list.

consequences. they happen to ALL of us.