I Used To Love Friday's
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: My Hive
Posts: 81
I Used To Love Friday's
I used to love Friday's. It was my happy day. The end of a long, hard- working week. Friday was the promise of fun, rest and a relaxing weekend. I used to get this magical giddy feeling on Fridays. Now I hate Fridays, they make me feel sick to my stomach. It's just one of the many things about me taken as collateral damage from my AH.
I remember the day I told my husband that Fridays were my favorite. I was smiling and just thinking my good feeling out loud to him. He sat quite but seemed to take the information in in a meaningful way.
Slowly I began to notice a new pattern with my husband as his addiction became ever more present in our life. Friday's became his night to not come home. To leave me scared, and lonely and in agony all night while he was out doing what he does.
Each week as Wednesday and then Thursday rolled around I would get a slight twinge in my stomach that by Friday morning that twinge had grown into a hurricane of fear and horrible anticipation. I always had hope that "this" Friday would be different, but walked around my husband on egg shells trying to not "set" him off so he wouldn't have an excuse to take off and not come home. Of course that NEVER worked and so I began to fear Friday's and then eventually hate them.
On one particularly bad Friday night as my husband stormed out after a nasty fight (that he provoked out of thin air) he looked me straight in the eye and said "Friday is MY day". I felt like I was sucker punched.
On another occasion (Friday) my husband told me he had waited all week to bring up an issue he had with me because he wanted to make sure it happened on Friday!!
WHY would someone who says they love me go to such great lengths to take something good out of my life? I spent everyday trying to make his life happier and he actually paid such close attention to my words so he could hurt me.
So today is Friday. We are separated and heading for divorce but still HE controls my Friday. I think about him out there living it up, sleeping around, loving it and here I'm at home with a hurricane in my tummy.
I remember the day I told my husband that Fridays were my favorite. I was smiling and just thinking my good feeling out loud to him. He sat quite but seemed to take the information in in a meaningful way.
Slowly I began to notice a new pattern with my husband as his addiction became ever more present in our life. Friday's became his night to not come home. To leave me scared, and lonely and in agony all night while he was out doing what he does.
Each week as Wednesday and then Thursday rolled around I would get a slight twinge in my stomach that by Friday morning that twinge had grown into a hurricane of fear and horrible anticipation. I always had hope that "this" Friday would be different, but walked around my husband on egg shells trying to not "set" him off so he wouldn't have an excuse to take off and not come home. Of course that NEVER worked and so I began to fear Friday's and then eventually hate them.
On one particularly bad Friday night as my husband stormed out after a nasty fight (that he provoked out of thin air) he looked me straight in the eye and said "Friday is MY day". I felt like I was sucker punched.
On another occasion (Friday) my husband told me he had waited all week to bring up an issue he had with me because he wanted to make sure it happened on Friday!!
WHY would someone who says they love me go to such great lengths to take something good out of my life? I spent everyday trying to make his life happier and he actually paid such close attention to my words so he could hurt me.
So today is Friday. We are separated and heading for divorce but still HE controls my Friday. I think about him out there living it up, sleeping around, loving it and here I'm at home with a hurricane in my tummy.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I don't allow people to live rent free in my head. All of your pain does him no harm but it destroys you. My ex told me in the last 2 days of my daughter's life that I was seeing here too much and if I didn't like it she would not allow me to see her at all (my daughter was in final stages of cancer at the ex's house)
Is that a horrible thing to do father? You bet it is but I have forgiven her or at least she doesn't live in my head. She is a sick and twisted person and that is who she will always be. If she lived on a different planet it would be too close for me but I rarely think of her . To think of her would give her power over me and that absolutely will not happen
Is that a horrible thing to do father? You bet it is but I have forgiven her or at least she doesn't live in my head. She is a sick and twisted person and that is who she will always be. If she lived on a different planet it would be too close for me but I rarely think of her . To think of her would give her power over me and that absolutely will not happen
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
I used to love coming home after work. After our son was born his addiction quickly worsened, and like clockwork I would get home from work and he would disappear for this or that leaving me and our son home alone. For hours I would wait, agonize, wonder, stress, like you said. It got to the point I hated leaving work. Um... Have you ever heard anyone say they didn't want to leave work to come home? Thank god for our perfect son. He has always been the light.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 250
Hi Queenbee7,
I could have written your post myself. I, too, used to love Fridays and then I absolutely hated them during my ex's addiction. I dreaded what the weekend would bring. It was no longer a time for me to enjoy myself, but a time for worrying, arguing, and crying. I would drive around dangerous parts of town at all hours of the night looking for him. I was so worried about him and I was desperate for him to come home.
Then I remember someone asking me if I thought I was more powerful than God. My response was "of course not". This person then said, "So what can YOU do for him that God cannot?" It was one of those light bulb moments. From that moment on, I stopped driving around looking for him. I started to understand the phrase "let go and let God". And, believe me, I did let go. I filed for divorce to remove myself from the insanity of living with an active addict.
I am no longer with my ex and I am back to loving, not only Fridays, but pretty much everyday. I got angry that his addiction had robbed me of so much, that I refused to let it take anything else from me, including my weekends.
I know it's hard now, but you have the power to live your life any way you want to. Take back your power and take back your weekends. I read somewhere that if you fill your heart with hope and gratitude, it won't leave room for anger and resentment. Try to get back to doing what you used to do during the time that you loved your weekends. Showing gratitude for the good things in my life really helped me to heal and to find joy again. I hope you start to enjoy your weekends again soon. Why not start by enjoying THIS weekend?
Sending you lots of hugs
I could have written your post myself. I, too, used to love Fridays and then I absolutely hated them during my ex's addiction. I dreaded what the weekend would bring. It was no longer a time for me to enjoy myself, but a time for worrying, arguing, and crying. I would drive around dangerous parts of town at all hours of the night looking for him. I was so worried about him and I was desperate for him to come home.
Then I remember someone asking me if I thought I was more powerful than God. My response was "of course not". This person then said, "So what can YOU do for him that God cannot?" It was one of those light bulb moments. From that moment on, I stopped driving around looking for him. I started to understand the phrase "let go and let God". And, believe me, I did let go. I filed for divorce to remove myself from the insanity of living with an active addict.
I am no longer with my ex and I am back to loving, not only Fridays, but pretty much everyday. I got angry that his addiction had robbed me of so much, that I refused to let it take anything else from me, including my weekends.
I know it's hard now, but you have the power to live your life any way you want to. Take back your power and take back your weekends. I read somewhere that if you fill your heart with hope and gratitude, it won't leave room for anger and resentment. Try to get back to doing what you used to do during the time that you loved your weekends. Showing gratitude for the good things in my life really helped me to heal and to find joy again. I hope you start to enjoy your weekends again soon. Why not start by enjoying THIS weekend?
Sending you lots of hugs
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 90
They say that the best revenge is to be happy. I don't believe in malicious revenge, but happiness, I can get down with that.
So, here's what I think when I read your post. He wanted to take Friday from you. How much did he prevent that you wanted? Prevent something he wanted - don't let him have Friday!
Take over Friday. Make Friday your day. Plan ahead for it. How many awesome things can you think of to plan for yourself for Friday? If you enjoy dressing up, go ahead and get that Friday outfit ready ahead of time. Set your alarm a little early and spend a few extra minutes primping. Plan yourself something special for breakfast - even if it's just a flavored creamer for your coffee. How do you enjoy your free time? Staying busy? Go ahead and plan a Friday night activity! Bowling league? Dinner reservations with a friend? Or do you like to unwind at home? Go ahead and prepare for max chilling time! Splurge on some awesome bubble bath just for Friday night or rent a movie ahead of time or lay out your most comfortable PJs.
(But don't really do it in the spirit of revenge, all jokes aside. If Fridays are currently ruined by the hurtful memories tied to them, surely they can be great again once you have tied new, beautiful memories to them.)
Next Friday, I'll be sending positive vibes your way!
So, here's what I think when I read your post. He wanted to take Friday from you. How much did he prevent that you wanted? Prevent something he wanted - don't let him have Friday!
Take over Friday. Make Friday your day. Plan ahead for it. How many awesome things can you think of to plan for yourself for Friday? If you enjoy dressing up, go ahead and get that Friday outfit ready ahead of time. Set your alarm a little early and spend a few extra minutes primping. Plan yourself something special for breakfast - even if it's just a flavored creamer for your coffee. How do you enjoy your free time? Staying busy? Go ahead and plan a Friday night activity! Bowling league? Dinner reservations with a friend? Or do you like to unwind at home? Go ahead and prepare for max chilling time! Splurge on some awesome bubble bath just for Friday night or rent a movie ahead of time or lay out your most comfortable PJs.
(But don't really do it in the spirit of revenge, all jokes aside. If Fridays are currently ruined by the hurtful memories tied to them, surely they can be great again once you have tied new, beautiful memories to them.)
Next Friday, I'll be sending positive vibes your way!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Queenbee, I have a feeling that when you take back your Fridays you will take back your life, your happiness, and your power.
The only person who holds the key to our happiness is we ourselves, we held it all along. (a quote from Melody Beattie).
I'm cheering you on!
Hugs
The only person who holds the key to our happiness is we ourselves, we held it all along. (a quote from Melody Beattie).
I'm cheering you on!
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by Queenbee7 
I used to love Friday's. It was my happy day. The end of a long, hard- working week. Friday was the promise of fun, rest and a relaxing weekend. I used to get this magical giddy feeling on Fridays. Now I hate Fridays, they make me feel sick to my stomach. It's just one of the many things about me taken as collateral damage from my AH.
I remember the day I told my husband that Fridays were my favorite. I was smiling and just thinking my good feeling out loud to him. He sat quite but seemed to take the information in in a meaningful way.
Slowly I began to notice a new pattern with my husband as his addiction became ever more present in our life. Friday's became his night to not come home. To leave me scared, and lonely and in agony all night while he was out doing what he does.
Each week as Wednesday and then Thursday rolled around I would get a slight twinge in my stomach that by Friday morning that twinge had grown into a hurricane of fear and horrible anticipation. I always had hope that "this" Friday would be different, but walked around my husband on egg shells trying to not "set" him off so he wouldn't have an excuse to take off and not come home. Of course that NEVER worked and so I began to fear Friday's and then eventually hate them.
On one particularly bad Friday night as my husband stormed out after a nasty fight (that he provoked out of thin air) he looked me straight in the eye and said "Friday is MY day". I felt like I was sucker punched.
On another occasion (Friday) my husband told me he had waited all week to bring up an issue he had with me because he wanted to make sure it happened on Friday!!
WHY would someone who says they love me go to such great lengths to take something good out of my life? I spent everyday trying to make his life happier and he actually paid such close attention to my words so he could hurt me.
So today is Friday. We are separated and heading for divorce but still HE controls my Friday. I think about him out there living it up, sleeping around, loving it and here I'm at home with a hurricane in my tummy.
I remember the day I told my husband that Fridays were my favorite. I was smiling and just thinking my good feeling out loud to him. He sat quite but seemed to take the information in in a meaningful way.
Slowly I began to notice a new pattern with my husband as his addiction became ever more present in our life. Friday's became his night to not come home. To leave me scared, and lonely and in agony all night while he was out doing what he does.
Each week as Wednesday and then Thursday rolled around I would get a slight twinge in my stomach that by Friday morning that twinge had grown into a hurricane of fear and horrible anticipation. I always had hope that "this" Friday would be different, but walked around my husband on egg shells trying to not "set" him off so he wouldn't have an excuse to take off and not come home. Of course that NEVER worked and so I began to fear Friday's and then eventually hate them.
On one particularly bad Friday night as my husband stormed out after a nasty fight (that he provoked out of thin air) he looked me straight in the eye and said "Friday is MY day". I felt like I was sucker punched.
On another occasion (Friday) my husband told me he had waited all week to bring up an issue he had with me because he wanted to make sure it happened on Friday!!
WHY would someone who says they love me go to such great lengths to take something good out of my life? I spent everyday trying to make his life happier and he actually paid such close attention to my words so he could hurt me.
So today is Friday. We are separated and heading for divorce but still HE controls my Friday. I think about him out there living it up, sleeping around, loving it and here I'm at home with a hurricane in my tummy.
I have two days like this too - Monday and Wed, these are the days I work from the office (I work from home for the rest of the week). And these are the days my soon to be ex husband (I am also going through divorce) have always used to leave me hanging. Monday and Wed - I hate those days, oh, how I hate those days still (and its been over 2 months since I last saw my ex). I would drive to the office and have an anxiety attack all day there, while he would pretend to go to work, or disconnect his phone, or leave his phone at home and leave, so he has an excuse to not pick up. He would also get in fights, screaming matches, call me names ....Only one day he did it on the Tuesday and didn't come home for 4 days...Now we are getting a divorce.It's depressing...I think maybe it is normal, to go through these stages? I look forward to stories here, where people left their addicts and are now past this and are happy
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: My Hive
Posts: 81
Update
I realized when I woke up this morning that I haven't even thought twice about the last couple of Fridays. At least I haven't thought about Friday in the way that I feel sick and upset and paralyzed because of my XAH.
Friday's have just been coming and going and I've enjoyed them. It doesn't matter what he's doing or who he's doing it with or on what day. He has his life to live and I have mine and our path is no longer together, but out of necessity our paths have parted.
And the longer we are apart and the longer there is no contact, the clearer my mind and thinking gets. At first I would look back and see him in the image I wanted. Now I'm starting to look back and see him for who he really was, and it was bad.
It feels good to have little pieces of me falling back into the right places of my soul. I'm starting to become me again. He brought a lot of pain and confusion, instability and chaos into my life, but I wasn't reduced by it.....
Friday's have just been coming and going and I've enjoyed them. It doesn't matter what he's doing or who he's doing it with or on what day. He has his life to live and I have mine and our path is no longer together, but out of necessity our paths have parted.
And the longer we are apart and the longer there is no contact, the clearer my mind and thinking gets. At first I would look back and see him in the image I wanted. Now I'm starting to look back and see him for who he really was, and it was bad.
It feels good to have little pieces of me falling back into the right places of my soul. I'm starting to become me again. He brought a lot of pain and confusion, instability and chaos into my life, but I wasn't reduced by it.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who hates or hated Fridays. It's Saturday and my husband still isn't home. Spending his entire paycheck. Trying to detach myself and take back my day. I'm tired of wondering what's physically wrong with me when it's anxiety.
Guess his car payment doesn't get made on time. I'm taking care of me and our kids.
Thanks for this thread and I wish you peace.
Guess his car payment doesn't get made on time. I'm taking care of me and our kids.
Thanks for this thread and I wish you peace.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 216
Friday's (especially payday Friday's) has brought me so much anxiety. With my AXBF, he could easily spend his whole paycheck on payday Friday (drugs, booze, gambling). Friday's were a constant fight of me trying to stop him from going out and him going to do what he was going to do.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Missouri
Posts: 24
Wow!!! I can 100% relate to what you said. About 6 years ago , i looked forward to Fridays because I knew we had 3 days together, work free. Now, it's a different story. Thursdays around noon, I always start to get anxious because I know in 5 hours, he will be home for 3 days. 3 days of walking on egg shells, trying to figure out how to deal with him and the timing of his high. It's mentally exausting and I can't do it anymore. I am sick of a person being messed up on pills dictate how I should act and what I should or shouldn't be doing. What is says to me goes in one ear and out the other. I am the sobor one therefore, I know what's beat for the kids and how and when to pay the bills. My list could go on and on. I enjoyed your post because it made me feel that I am not alone.
Take care!!
Lost
Take care!!
Lost
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