Alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5
Alone
Hi again everyone,
Thank you for your kind messages welcoming me to SR yesterday. I wanted to check in again. I'm having a very hard time emotionally right now. I'm just so sad and I feel so alone... I'm so disappointed in myself for hurting my husband. We moved across the country last year for my job, and we are both thousands of miles from family and friends. I'm not religious and I don't have a church. I don't really have any friends here... my closest friends are work colleagues who drink and get high daily, which isn't going to work right now. I just feel so incredibly utterly alone and hopeless. Not hopeless that I can't drink, but hopeless that I'm going to feel alone and unlovable forever.
Has anyone else felt this way at the start of their sobriety journey? What did you do to help?
We're actually going to be out of the country the next two weeks on vacation (I'm pretty anxious since he's so unhappy with me, but at least I won't be alone) but I need to find some way to cope when I get back to the US.
Thank you for your kind messages welcoming me to SR yesterday. I wanted to check in again. I'm having a very hard time emotionally right now. I'm just so sad and I feel so alone... I'm so disappointed in myself for hurting my husband. We moved across the country last year for my job, and we are both thousands of miles from family and friends. I'm not religious and I don't have a church. I don't really have any friends here... my closest friends are work colleagues who drink and get high daily, which isn't going to work right now. I just feel so incredibly utterly alone and hopeless. Not hopeless that I can't drink, but hopeless that I'm going to feel alone and unlovable forever.
Has anyone else felt this way at the start of their sobriety journey? What did you do to help?
We're actually going to be out of the country the next two weeks on vacation (I'm pretty anxious since he's so unhappy with me, but at least I won't be alone) but I need to find some way to cope when I get back to the US.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Stay clean. Chane your life a bit.
Start a physical hobby. A light workout regime is what i did.
Find a non drinking group...AA or Smart..etc.
You have a hundred online friends here.
Never alone for long.
Start a physical hobby. A light workout regime is what i did.
Find a non drinking group...AA or Smart..etc.
You have a hundred online friends here.
Never alone for long.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
Hey!
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now, when I first got sober I felt alone, unlovable, disappointed in myself, and completely alone. I think most people who are in early recovery feel those emotions. Our bodies are so used to being numb that when we stop our DOC our emotions and senses are on hyper drive.
What I did to help was basically force myself to do things. I went and found a substance abuse counselor and I went to lotsssss of therapy in the beginning. I also got a psychiatrist that specialized in addiction and this way he could help me with different types of medicines . (I have been diagnosed bipolar type 2, anxiety, and depression) If you can find a good doctor and counselor I would give it a try.
Besides therapy, I forced myself to take walks when it was nice out just to get myself out of the house, I got involved in my church, I started volunteering at the animal shelter and at a nursing home, I make sure to take trips home to see my family (I am 12 hours away from everyone), and I always make sure I stay connected to those I love and those that truly support my recovery. I also started coloring (can really calm you down and get you out of your head), I am learning to knit, I am learning how to make jewelry, and just basically trying to keep myself busy and moving forward in the right direction. I also keep a journal so I can always look back and see how far I have come since our brains will tell us "oh it wasn't that bad, oh you can just have one"
I know a lot of people say that going to AA meetings helped them find a group of friends and support but it just didn't work out for me.
I hope you can at least enjoy your vacation. All you can do is try to show your husband through the actions that you are serious and that you are moving in the right direction.
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now, when I first got sober I felt alone, unlovable, disappointed in myself, and completely alone. I think most people who are in early recovery feel those emotions. Our bodies are so used to being numb that when we stop our DOC our emotions and senses are on hyper drive.
What I did to help was basically force myself to do things. I went and found a substance abuse counselor and I went to lotsssss of therapy in the beginning. I also got a psychiatrist that specialized in addiction and this way he could help me with different types of medicines . (I have been diagnosed bipolar type 2, anxiety, and depression) If you can find a good doctor and counselor I would give it a try.
Besides therapy, I forced myself to take walks when it was nice out just to get myself out of the house, I got involved in my church, I started volunteering at the animal shelter and at a nursing home, I make sure to take trips home to see my family (I am 12 hours away from everyone), and I always make sure I stay connected to those I love and those that truly support my recovery. I also started coloring (can really calm you down and get you out of your head), I am learning to knit, I am learning how to make jewelry, and just basically trying to keep myself busy and moving forward in the right direction. I also keep a journal so I can always look back and see how far I have come since our brains will tell us "oh it wasn't that bad, oh you can just have one"
I know a lot of people say that going to AA meetings helped them find a group of friends and support but it just didn't work out for me.
I hope you can at least enjoy your vacation. All you can do is try to show your husband through the actions that you are serious and that you are moving in the right direction.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Oh big time....I completely relate. You aren't alone in your feelings. I pretty much have felt unlovable most of my life. I've learned that's because I don't love me. I've realized that its an inside job of forgiving myself, nurturing myself, and accepting me and liking me for who I am. I have done therapy of every kind. Talked and talked until I'm blue in the face. And I'm sure that all helped. But at the end of the day it was a choice to simply accept me and make a daily effort to be happy and do the best I can....one step at a time.
Incrementally I start to feel better but it requires effort. Happiness won't just happen for me. I have to make it happen. And one very easy and efficient way to ruin my hard work and become completely miserable again? Drink.
If you stay sober and work on yourself, reinvent yourself and your life, your husband will move past this. You still have him. Be grateful for that. Be grateful everyday that you're working on recovery.
You can do this. Just don't drink one day at a time.
Incrementally I start to feel better but it requires effort. Happiness won't just happen for me. I have to make it happen. And one very easy and efficient way to ruin my hard work and become completely miserable again? Drink.
If you stay sober and work on yourself, reinvent yourself and your life, your husband will move past this. You still have him. Be grateful for that. Be grateful everyday that you're working on recovery.
You can do this. Just don't drink one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I am completely alone in life so I know how you feel. My drinking pushed everyone away. I am unemployed and have no friends or family involved in my life currently. it's been a huge challenge to my sobriety. My isolation is largely of my own making so I can't wallow in self pity too much. AA is currently my plan to get out of my isolation. I'm glad you posted because I am also struggling so if can help each other a little then it's a start
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I moved to a new area in my first week of recovery, where English was not the first language. It turned out to be very positive. I was alone, but found great joy in volunteer work, and I returned to my hobby of reading.
I'm sorry you're feeling alone, and I do relate to those feelings. I think recovery is a very personal journey and maybe some time for introspection is a good idea.
I'm sorry you're feeling alone, and I do relate to those feelings. I think recovery is a very personal journey and maybe some time for introspection is a good idea.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Early recovery is known as a emotional rollercoaster things will take time to balance out but with support which youl get by the tons here keep reading & participating in threads you relate too
Nice to meet you
Nice to meet you
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
early recovery and a new place where you don't have a lot of connections made is a tough combination.
know that it WILL improve. For now, lean on us, on this place. It's not the same as real in person human intimacy - but it is a good place and a good way to at least help stave off feelings of isolation.
Also - get out. Grab a local community newspaper or check out the public library and find out things going on around you. Just start going and trying things. Get out of the house, out of your head, and around human beings. Volunteer. Give yourself a rich diversity of new threads of potential.
It'll be ok.
It'll actually be fantastic.
know that it WILL improve. For now, lean on us, on this place. It's not the same as real in person human intimacy - but it is a good place and a good way to at least help stave off feelings of isolation.
Also - get out. Grab a local community newspaper or check out the public library and find out things going on around you. Just start going and trying things. Get out of the house, out of your head, and around human beings. Volunteer. Give yourself a rich diversity of new threads of potential.
It'll be ok.
It'll actually be fantastic.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi twinkleface, if I remember correctly your first post was yesterday. You are very early in this rebuilding process. Where you are today did not happen overnight, and fixing it will also not happen overnight. The very best thing you can do is to keep putting one foot in front of the other and do the right thing and be a good person. The rest should follow. I also believe it is quite common for emotions to be all over the board early on.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,347
Early recovery is rough and moving to a new area can;t help - but you will build a new, sober life.
Til then (at least) I hope you'll come to feel as comfortable and not alone here on SR as the rest of us Twinkleface
D
Til then (at least) I hope you'll come to feel as comfortable and not alone here on SR as the rest of us Twinkleface
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Posts: 5
Thank you for the kind words and suggestions. I spent the evening packing for Thailand (we're headed off this afternoon), petting my dog and working on tricks with her, and drinking flavored sparkling water which is one of my favorite treats. (Sometimes I'll chill it and pour it into a champagne glass to make it feel more classy and fancy).
It's easier to deal with loneliness when one is busy. When we get back from our trip, I think I might start looking for some volunteer experiences. Things that can help me to feel gratitude for what I do have, and get myself outside my own head.
And my dog. Best friend in the world. She is my #1 reason for being alive. Pets are so, so important.
I'll be stateside again in two weeks and will let everyone know how it's going.
It's easier to deal with loneliness when one is busy. When we get back from our trip, I think I might start looking for some volunteer experiences. Things that can help me to feel gratitude for what I do have, and get myself outside my own head.
And my dog. Best friend in the world. She is my #1 reason for being alive. Pets are so, so important.
I'll be stateside again in two weeks and will let everyone know how it's going.
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