Life or Death
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: worcester ma
Posts: 12
Life or Death
I have been a silent member here for about 3 years. In April 2013 I was arrested for a DUI and quit drinking for a month. At that time I discovered SoberRecovery.
I have tried quitting a few times over the years. Hardest part for me was my spouse(wife) had no interest in quitting. We have been drinking buddies since college. Life always tempered our drinking in some way. Careers, children, wife has done 6 marathons. We have both done 15 - 20 half marathons, so even though we always drank, we were too busy for it to get out of control.
After both kids graduated college there was an uptick in our drinking. Went from sharing a 1.5 liter bottle of wine to sharing a 3 liter box a night. A year ago my wife was laid off from her job just shy of her 50th birthday. Coupled with her father passing away a month before and then having to put down our 16 year old Westie she fell into a crater. didn't have any ambition to do anything. It was all the kids & I could do to get her to eat something. Tried getting her to drink less but should would just hide bottles all around the house.
Fast forward to weekend before last & she had got so bad because she was bleeding through her rectum I told her I was taking her to the Emergency Room. She was in the hospital for 4 days. They wouldn't let her go until the bleeding stopped. her Hemoglobin count was down to 19, normal is 40.
Doctor's were very nice but at least 3 of them told her if she drinks any more she will die. She ended up having alcoholic hepatitis of the liver, diverticulitis, and sever anemia.
As soon as she went into the hospital I started tapering my drinking & the night before she came home I had my first nights sleep without alcohol. Didn't sleep alot but got through it. The night she came home she slept about 13 hours & I actually had a good nights sleep. I think there was just alot of relief. she's home & we are going to stop drinking.
Last night was night 7. Slept OK but the last 2 days I seem to be in a fog. No real bad alcohol cravings, just foggy & achy. Joint in hands & ankles really bothering me. Still very happy we are going down this path. Been talking alot about new routines & things to do that don't involve alcohol..
I would lastly just like to say that reading here for the last few years has helped immensely in getting trough the last 2 weeks.
I have tried quitting a few times over the years. Hardest part for me was my spouse(wife) had no interest in quitting. We have been drinking buddies since college. Life always tempered our drinking in some way. Careers, children, wife has done 6 marathons. We have both done 15 - 20 half marathons, so even though we always drank, we were too busy for it to get out of control.
After both kids graduated college there was an uptick in our drinking. Went from sharing a 1.5 liter bottle of wine to sharing a 3 liter box a night. A year ago my wife was laid off from her job just shy of her 50th birthday. Coupled with her father passing away a month before and then having to put down our 16 year old Westie she fell into a crater. didn't have any ambition to do anything. It was all the kids & I could do to get her to eat something. Tried getting her to drink less but should would just hide bottles all around the house.
Fast forward to weekend before last & she had got so bad because she was bleeding through her rectum I told her I was taking her to the Emergency Room. She was in the hospital for 4 days. They wouldn't let her go until the bleeding stopped. her Hemoglobin count was down to 19, normal is 40.
Doctor's were very nice but at least 3 of them told her if she drinks any more she will die. She ended up having alcoholic hepatitis of the liver, diverticulitis, and sever anemia.
As soon as she went into the hospital I started tapering my drinking & the night before she came home I had my first nights sleep without alcohol. Didn't sleep alot but got through it. The night she came home she slept about 13 hours & I actually had a good nights sleep. I think there was just alot of relief. she's home & we are going to stop drinking.
Last night was night 7. Slept OK but the last 2 days I seem to be in a fog. No real bad alcohol cravings, just foggy & achy. Joint in hands & ankles really bothering me. Still very happy we are going down this path. Been talking alot about new routines & things to do that don't involve alcohol..
I would lastly just like to say that reading here for the last few years has helped immensely in getting trough the last 2 weeks.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
wow.... I'm so sorry for what you and your wife are going through.
thank you for your honest sharing of what is going on.
these types of stories need to be heard and shared.
it is so 'easy' along the way in the progression to make the excuses; 'it's not that bad', 'at least we're so busy it's not out of hand', 'we'll quit one day maybe if we need to....'
but along the way what's sneakily happening is we're digging deeper and deeper, coming ever closer to and beyond a point of no return. or an untimely demise.
I hope your wife embraces sobriety now. I wish you strength and security in your own sobriety regardless of her choice. My thoughts and my version of prayers are with you.
thank you for your honest sharing of what is going on.
these types of stories need to be heard and shared.
it is so 'easy' along the way in the progression to make the excuses; 'it's not that bad', 'at least we're so busy it's not out of hand', 'we'll quit one day maybe if we need to....'
but along the way what's sneakily happening is we're digging deeper and deeper, coming ever closer to and beyond a point of no return. or an untimely demise.
I hope your wife embraces sobriety now. I wish you strength and security in your own sobriety regardless of her choice. My thoughts and my version of prayers are with you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: USA
Posts: 242
I hope your wife is feeling better and good for you for getting sober too.
Comes a time where the choice needs to made (either for you or by you).
SR has been a great place for me in my journey...
Stay close during this time and we are all here to help each other!
Comes a time where the choice needs to made (either for you or by you).
SR has been a great place for me in my journey...
Stay close during this time and we are all here to help each other!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
Glad you are here. Early sobriety is very rough so be sure to have a recovery plan in place. The beauty of the plan is that you can constantly tweak it to what works for you to achieve contented sobriety. I like your attitude in that you are happy about this decision. I am female about your wife's age and I luckily quit drinking before any real health consequences. It's important to know that females physically deteriorate from alcohol's effects significantly quicker than males and it really is quite serious (as you seem to understand). However, she needs to work on herself and determine why she was drinking at that alarming of a level. Sure, she went through some stuff, but those things you described are natural things that unfortunately occur in life. I guess what I'm trying to say is saying that 'you're going to die' is not always enough. For me, I needed a fellowship, SR, reading recovery books, exercise and prayer. Just stopping drinking is only going to be a constant white knuckling experience and it doesn't have to be that way. You'll figure it out. Good luck and welcome.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: worcester ma
Posts: 12
Thanks for the welcome. we have set up some counseling sessions that we will attend together. I do realize, especially from reading here, that this is just the beginning and with Memorial Day Weekend approaching the time is now to start anew.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,601
So sorry for everything you are going through. As a fellow Bay-stater I must say we have some pretty great meetings! I work Big Book Step Study (Hyannis Method) and there are several Big Book Step Study meetings in the Worcester area. You are right, it is life or death. I highly recommend checking out a BBSS meeting. My best to you and your wife.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 617
Hi!
I am glad that your wife is doing better and that you guys have made this decision. Stick to it! Most rewarding thing you can do. There are lots of ups and downs but you can and will learn to deal with them.
My husband and I quit together 109 days ago, I don't regret one second of it. I am happy for you both you guys can do this!
I am glad that your wife is doing better and that you guys have made this decision. Stick to it! Most rewarding thing you can do. There are lots of ups and downs but you can and will learn to deal with them.
My husband and I quit together 109 days ago, I don't regret one second of it. I am happy for you both you guys can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
You seem very supportive and you both have my best wishes as you heal as people and redefine your relationship. I know first hand how tricky it is when you are married to your drinking buddy - even though there are lots of bad times (hangovers, etc) it becomes the default activity (vacation? Drink! Stressful day at work? Let's have a drink! Etc)
It is great you are willing to work on your own problem with alcohol both for yourself and to support her.
It is great you are willing to work on your own problem with alcohol both for yourself and to support her.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: worcester ma
Posts: 12
Made it through the. long weekend without much trouble. Wife is still recovering so we were home most of the weekend with the GrandPuppy. Still feeling achy with swollen joints, hope this passes soon. Sleep is surprisingly good.
Saturday night I had to pick up my Son & Girlfriend at the airport at 8PM. Normally this would cause me some consternation. Do I drink before & stop an hour before I leave, or go to the airport early & find a bar. Airport is an hour a way & I arrived 15 minutes before landing. After dropping them at her house I was on my way home at 930pm. So nice to be driving & not worrying about police.
When I got home the wife admitted she thought about a glass of wine for the first time since coming home, but she said it passed when she had some ice cream. So day 13 for me & day 16 for the wife.
Saturday night I had to pick up my Son & Girlfriend at the airport at 8PM. Normally this would cause me some consternation. Do I drink before & stop an hour before I leave, or go to the airport early & find a bar. Airport is an hour a way & I arrived 15 minutes before landing. After dropping them at her house I was on my way home at 930pm. So nice to be driving & not worrying about police.
When I got home the wife admitted she thought about a glass of wine for the first time since coming home, but she said it passed when she had some ice cream. So day 13 for me & day 16 for the wife.
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