I remember a million questions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I remember a million questions
Looking back across the horizon of the sobriety behind me, toward the more extensive distance of the horizon of my addictions, I am struck by a theme.
So many questions.
"What if I just need a break"
"Am I really THAT different from everyone else"
"Can't I just adjust my patterns"
"Surely I can just be more aware of WHEN and HOW I use drugs"
"I wonder if it's really all THAT bad"
"Would a person with a PROBLEM have a great job like I do"
"I mean, how could an 'Alcoholic' be so successful"
"Could I just take a break, kind of 'reset' my use of drugs and alcohol"
"what does it even matter"
"Who am I really HURTING, anyway"
"What if I don't believe in 'God'"
"What if AA doesn't work"
"What if I don't WANT to quit"
"What will I DO if I don't drink or use drugs"
"How will anyone LIKE me if I'm sober"
"How BORING will life be without drinking"
"Why can't I just wait a few more years to quit"
"Why not worry about it Monday"
"Who cares"
etc.....
etc.......
etc.........
I look back on those years of all those questions and recognize the delay tactics, the rationale, the secret manipulation of my own will, and I feel a little grief. It's loss. It is years of my life that I sacrificed to false reality. It is bygone richness of presence. It is cherished time, invested into a haze instead of the pure experience of living.
If you find yourself not taking ACTION because you're so busy asking a lot of questions - maybe take a look at where those questions are really coming from.
At the end of the day, it's ridiculously simple;
Alcohol and/or drugs are negatively impacting your life
On a deep, core level, you know it
All it takes to shift your life for the better is a choice
All it takes to support that choice are a few actions TODAY
No amount of questioning will change that basic truth
It will only delay you from finding an abundant, joyful life
So many questions.
"What if I just need a break"
"Am I really THAT different from everyone else"
"Can't I just adjust my patterns"
"Surely I can just be more aware of WHEN and HOW I use drugs"
"I wonder if it's really all THAT bad"
"Would a person with a PROBLEM have a great job like I do"
"I mean, how could an 'Alcoholic' be so successful"
"Could I just take a break, kind of 'reset' my use of drugs and alcohol"
"what does it even matter"
"Who am I really HURTING, anyway"
"What if I don't believe in 'God'"
"What if AA doesn't work"
"What if I don't WANT to quit"
"What will I DO if I don't drink or use drugs"
"How will anyone LIKE me if I'm sober"
"How BORING will life be without drinking"
"Why can't I just wait a few more years to quit"
"Why not worry about it Monday"
"Who cares"
etc.....
etc.......
etc.........
I look back on those years of all those questions and recognize the delay tactics, the rationale, the secret manipulation of my own will, and I feel a little grief. It's loss. It is years of my life that I sacrificed to false reality. It is bygone richness of presence. It is cherished time, invested into a haze instead of the pure experience of living.
If you find yourself not taking ACTION because you're so busy asking a lot of questions - maybe take a look at where those questions are really coming from.
At the end of the day, it's ridiculously simple;
Alcohol and/or drugs are negatively impacting your life
On a deep, core level, you know it
All it takes to shift your life for the better is a choice
All it takes to support that choice are a few actions TODAY
No amount of questioning will change that basic truth
It will only delay you from finding an abundant, joyful life
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Farmington
Posts: 18
This is EXACTLY where I am right now. Asking those questions. Trying to convince myself for the umpteenth time that I CAN gain control. Last night was the first night not binge drinking in months and I am still trying to tell myself that once my marathon is done that I can go back slowly. UGH.....I almost need someone to hypnotize me and tell me NO....no more of this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by suzyzipper 
This is EXACTLY where I am right now. Asking those questions. Trying to convince myself for the umpteenth time that I CAN gain control. Last night was the first night not binge drinking in months and I am still trying to tell myself that once my marathon is done that I can go back slowly. UGH.....I almost need someone to hypnotize me and tell me NO....no more of this.
you just need to become aware of what is happening, and make a different CHOICE.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
