Jillian2563

I started seeing a therapist. I've seen her twice and tomorrow will be the third. I really like her and we are working on safety first. Getting me to a safe place, working on my coping skills. Thing is, I have all these tools and still don't use them. I've picked up the paperwork she gave me twice when I should be working on it everyday. I made a notebook and started writing in it, but haven't done so since.

But I'm getting back up today for the millionth time. I'm heading to AA right now. I will work on my safe place and coping skills homework when I get back. I'm not going to cancel the appt with her tomorrow even though I want to because I feel like a failure.

Oh, and just a side note. My husband and I frequently go to storage auctions and there are regulars there. We see this guy "J" quite often and started chatting with him recently. Turns out, he's married to my therapist.

ScottFromWI

Good luck at the meeting, keep working at it Jillian.

entropy1964

I was thinking about you this AM! I'm glad you posted. Sorry about the relapse but don't ever give up. You seem to know exactly what you need to do. Just do it, right?

The safe place. Huge concept. That was the starting point for my EMDR therapy a couple years ago. I can't remember if you have PTSD but the safe place is very important if you do. I have such a specific safe place. I even see myself there when I was a little girl and I have very few memories of being a child. What I looked like (only a handful of pics other than school pictures), what it felt like to be a child. Its a really beautiful place and feeling and I'll go there sometimes and visit little me.

Now I sound insane....

Anna

You're right that 'using' the tools you have is harder than just having them. Actually taking steps in the direction of recovery is awesome. Good for you for going to a therapist for help, and for not giving up.

Jillian2563

Thanks. The meeting was good for me. And right after I posted here and before I went to the meeting, I got some shocking news. You guys won't believe it. I'm pregnant.

You guys here are the 4th to know. I immediately told my husband then called my therapist and best friend. I'm scared. Not because I will drink, because I won't. But I'm just starting to work on me. My son is 12 and stepson is 17. And now add a baby to all this chaos? I have a lot of work to do and I'm really going to need you guys.

My husband and I were trying to get pregnant last year and previous years but it never happened so I thought it wasn't possible.

I'm dreading telling my mom and sister, even though I'm 31 and married. I just feel like they will be judgmental. They don't really know too much about my alcoholism and I haven't told them I'm going to meetings, therapist and so forth.

maimaitreya

Let me be the first to congratulate you.
Congratulations. Don't worry about others reaction. This about you and the baby.

tomsteve

congrats on the pregnancy!

seems its the perfect time to put them tools into action.
its also the ONLY way to know how to use them.

i dont know too many alcoholics ( or mechanics)that didnt have to put them tools to use to learn how they work.