Wicket

A lot has been going on in my life lately, and it all built up into one huge mess in my head. I exploded. I cried. I stared at a corner of my room for 45 minutes without moving. I told my boyfriend I was going out, and I left. He knew where I was going. I drove around a little, but ultimately I ended up there. My thoughts being "It's been four and a half months, one drink won't kill me". And "I should be able to have the casual take-the-edge-off drink". So I drove there, parked, stared at the sign, then I called him. And cried again. I sat there on the phone with him for 15 minutes, turned around, and went home. I drove to the liquor store, but I didn't go in. Tomorrow is day 135.

Time2Rise

Good for u for not going in. Tomorrow will be a better day, I'm sure.

Dee74

I'm glad you didn;t go in - those two are teo of the biggest AV lies.

Why not post here a little more regularly again - we may be able to help you and that 'huge mess' you're struggling with?

D

butcher70

Awesome job not drinking!! You will not regret it tommorow!

Coldfusion

134 days are awesome, but your story sounds dangerously close to a relapse. I find that I need to work on recovery daily to stay strong in my sobriety. What have you done for your recovery in the past few months?

Soberween

Overcoming moments like the one you just described are how one achieves long term sobriety. Pat yourself on the back and flex that emotional muscle because you are on your way to a contented sober life. The more moments that you overcome like that, the easier sobriety becomes. These moments are what they are talking about when they say early sobriety is really tough. I kept getting 90 days and I would give in and drive to the liquor store and go in and buy the alcohol and then drink it (smart you didn't do this). The next day I'd be full of remorse and regret and would eventually start over again. So I was basically doing the hardest part of getting sober over and over again. Don't fall into that trap. It will get so easy at some point and you will no longer have any interest in alcohol. I think this is what they are talking about when they say "wait for the miracle to happen." The miracle is that you no longer have any desire for alcohol. Good luck to you. You can do this and everyone here at SR are rooting for you.

Wicket

Thank you all. It was definitely the weakest yet strongest I've been in my sobriety. Was also thinking on the way there that "I'm young, it's normal for 23 year olds to drink" .. once I got there, I saw 5 different people I knew from high school, two of which I used to drink with regularly but pushed them away years ago. They all looked like crap, walking in there on a Monday in sweats and pajama pants because they had nothing better to do than drink their lives away. I realized I didn't want to be like that again. One of the guys recognized me and I felt guilty for even sitting in the parking lot.

Delilah1

Great job not going in, you are going to wake up much happier tomorrow!

mcfearless

Well done Wicket ! I think it's when we manage to pass tests like these we arm ourselves with the knowledge that we do have control over our actions. This can only bode well for next time the disease tries to trip you up. Give yourself a healthy pat on the back!

Ariesagain

FreeOwl

Picking up the phone instead of the bottle is a big victory.

Take that as momentum and use it to dive deeper into sobriety.

The first year is tough, but it truly does get easier....

Congratulations on day 135!!! One... Three.... Five.... a three-number number of odd numbers that equals an odd number.... how ODD!!!



What a great day to review what more you can do, to take action and grow deeper and more comfortably into sobriety.



Keep it up.

Mountainmanbob

Entertaining the thought of drinking for long
usually in time puts a drink in my hand.

Congratulations on your 135 days sober.
That would be a whole lot of sober days to be letting go of.

MB

Soberwolf

Sometimes life can throw us curveballs and things can get overwhelming more so in the first year of sobriety I know I had some dog days and reaching out really helped when I was having one of those days you done really amazing not drinking by the way

In the first half of your first year of sobriety your doing really well things will keep balancing out but life is still life & having that release valve (us) is vital to diffusing the pressure

Sorry things are tough at the moment but know you always have us to lean on

Wicket

Thank you all for the support. I'll try to post more... I keep saying that.. but life is so busy all of a sudden. I barely have time to breathe it seems. I'm still in my funk and thought about it all night again, but I made it another day, so tomorrow is 136

ZenLifter

I can't imagine the internal struggle as you sat there in the parking lot....well, maybe I can. But the fact that you didn't go in proves that your desire to be sober is stronger than your desire to drink. I toast you with my cup of hot tea!

RattleAndHum

Hi Wicket! It's good to hear from you again. Congrats on another day sober

Easy2slip

I want to say -- You rock!

You were on the "edge" and were able to stand up and say NO THANKS.

I am sure you will feel MUCH BETTER about yourself and your sobriety today..

Way to go!